A Quiet Time

Chris Corrigan chris at chriscorrigan.com
Sun Mar 5 14:46:43 PST 2006


Birgitt and all:

On the subject of touch and safety, I wanted to offer this quote, from
Christina Baldwin, about notions of "safe space."

"No group can prove itself "safe" by the definition of one member, it can
only prove itself healthy and responsive to the needs of different people
over time."

I think that likewise no facilitator can prove herself the steward of safety
for every member of a 300 person group.  We can do our work before and
during an event to ensure that we aren't acting irresponsibly with respect
to the norms of the group, but ultimately people's stories are their own.
But never asking anyone to touch again, you still carry that woman's
definition of safety to countelss hundreds of others.

I try to encourage facilitators to work with the group to get to the place
where the group can become healthy and responsive to the needs of its
members, and I know you do too Birgitt.  I think that is the greatest gift a
group can give itself, whether that group is a family, and origanzation,
community, country or species.  .

In a world where we are often hijacked by individual notions of safety and
security, what do we need to do to move to a place where the whole can hold
the support that individuals need?

Cheers,

Chris


On 3/4/06, Birgitt Williams <birgitt at dalarinternational.com> wrote:
>
>  From my perspective, this topic of touching cannot be looked at from the
> perspective of the facilitator's needs, wants and motivation(s) for outcome
> in a meeting. I encourage facilitators to look at their needs, wants, and
> motivations for a meeting so that they each can figure out for themselves
> whether these needs, wants, and motivations might actually be what closes
> the space for participants (some or all).
>
>
>
> Years ago I was taught a big lesson. I facilitated an OST for about 300
> people, all of whom were on medications, all of whom had bipolar disorder or
> schizophrenia. And all of whom were leaders in their communities and
> incredible people. The side effects of the medications and of their
> illnesses had an effect on all that happened in the 3 day event. They found
> a way of working around it all to achieve what they wanted to achieve. They
> were remarkable. I was deeply moved. At the closing, I did something that I
> had learned from Harrison. After the microphone had gone around the circle
> for comments, I had everyone stand up and hold hands as the start of a
> closing to the event. We then did a the exercise of paying attention to the
> energy inside of the circle of us, and then turning 180 degrees to feel that
> energy at our backs as we went out into the world. When it was all done, a
> woman came up to me and in a rage said "Do not ever do that to another human
> being again. I had had a wonderful time here until you asked us to touch.
> And then it was destroyed for me. I cannot touch another person. It is my
> story and it has roots in my childhood and in my illness. By asking us to
> hold hands, I had a choice...to be part of what the group was doing and
> feeling violated by it, or not participating and feeling awful about
> that....neither option was okay for me. YOU (and she shouted) have NO IDEA
> of what anyone's personal story is so you should never do this to a group
> again...to ask them to hold hands. You just don't know what is going on for
> someone and by asking me to hold hands, you invaded my space."
>
>
>
> And since then, I have never asked people to touch.
>
>
>
> Birgitt
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> *From:* OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU] *On Behalf Of *Jack
> Ricchiuto
> *Sent:* Saturday, March 04, 2006 12:03 PM
> *To:* OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
> *Subject:* Re: A Quiet Time
>
>
>
> Thanks for the reflections on touching. For me, it's part of a larger
> conversation on quality of contact. It starts with presence to the emotional
> experience of others — am I present to that? It continues with eye contact,
> which for some people can be as connecting or intrusive as touch and hugs.
> So, for me a question is, How do we touch each other with eyes, words, hands
> in a way that opens the space?
>
>
> Jack
>
>
> __.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__
>
> jack ricchiuto
> two.one.six/three.seven.three/seven.four.seven.five
> www.designinglife.com / www.appreciativeleadership.com
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--

CHRIS CORRIGAN
Consultation - Facilitation
Open Space Technology

Weblog: http://www.chriscorrigan.com/parkinglot
Site: http://www.chriscorrigan.com

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