Birgitt and all:<br><br>On the subject of touch and safety, I wanted to offer this quote, from Christina Baldwin, about notions of "safe space."<br><br><div style="margin-left: 40px;">"No group can prove itself "safe" by the definition of one member,
it can only prove itself healthy and responsive to the needs of
different people over time."<br><br></div>I think that likewise no facilitator can prove herself the steward of safety for every member of a 300 person group. We can do our work before and during an event to ensure that we aren't acting irresponsibly with respect to the norms of the group, but ultimately people's stories are their own. But never asking anyone to touch again, you still carry that woman's definition of safety to countelss hundreds of others.
<br><br>I try to encourage facilitators to work with the group to get to the place where the group can become healthy and responsive to the needs of its members, and I know you do too Birgitt. I think that is the greatest gift a group can give itself, whether that group is a family, and origanzation, community, country or species. .
<br>
<br>In a world where we are often hijacked by individual notions of safety and security, what do we need to do to move to a place where the whole can hold the support that individuals need?<br><br>Cheers,<br><br>Chris<br>
<br><br><div><span class="gmail_quote">On 3/4/06, <b class="gmail_sendername">Birgitt Williams</b> <<a href="mailto:birgitt@dalarinternational.com">birgitt@dalarinternational.com</a>> wrote:</span><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="border-left: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); margin: 0pt 0pt 0pt 0.8ex; padding-left: 1ex;">
<div style="direction: ltr;">
<div>
<p><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;">From my perspective, this topic of
touching cannot be looked at from the perspective of the facilitator's
needs, wants and motivation(s) for outcome in a meeting. I encourage
facilitators to look at their needs, wants, and motivations for a meeting so
that they each can figure out for themselves whether these needs, wants, and
motivations might actually be what closes the space for participants (some or
all).</span></font></p>
<p><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;"> </span></font></p>
<p><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;">Years ago I was taught a big lesson. I
facilitated an OST for about 300 people, all of whom were on medications, all
of whom had bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. And all of whom were leaders in
their communities and incredible people. The side effects of the medications
and of their illnesses had an effect on all that happened in the 3 day event.
They found a way of working around it all to achieve what they wanted to
achieve. They were remarkable. I was deeply moved. At the closing, I did
something that I had learned from </span></font><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;">Harrison</span></font><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;">
. After
the microphone had gone around the circle for comments, I had everyone stand up
and hold hands as the start of a closing to the event. We then did a the
exercise of paying attention to the energy inside of the circle of us, and then
turning 180 degrees to feel that energy at our backs as we went out into the
world. When it was all done, a woman came up to me and in a rage said "Do
not ever do that to another human being again. I had had a wonderful time here
until you asked us to touch. And then it was destroyed for me. I cannot touch
another person. It is my story and it has roots in my childhood and in my
illness. By asking us to hold hands, I had a choice...to be part of what the group
was doing and feeling violated by it, or not participating and feeling awful
about that....neither option was okay for me. YOU (and she shouted) have NO
IDEA of what anyone's personal story is so you should never do this to a
group again...to ask them to hold hands. You just don't know what is
going on for someone and by asking me to hold hands, you invaded my space."</span></font></p>
<p><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;"> </span></font></p>
<p><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;">And since then, I have never asked people
to touch. </span></font></p>
<p><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;"> </span></font></p>
<p><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;">Birgitt</span></font></p></div><div style="direction: ltr;"><span class="q">
<p><font color="navy" face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: navy;"> </span></font></p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><font face="Tahoma" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Tahoma;">-----Original Message-----<br>
<b><span style="font-weight: bold;">From:</span></b> OSLIST
[mailto:<a href="mailto:OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU" target="_blank" onclick="return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)">OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU</a>] <b><span style="font-weight: bold;">On
Behalf Of </span></b>Jack Ricchiuto<br>
<b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sent:</span></b> Saturday, March 04, 2006
12:03 PM<br>
<b><span style="font-weight: bold;">To:</span></b> <a href="mailto:OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU" target="_blank" onclick="return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)">OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU</a><br>
<b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Subject:</span></b> Re: A Quiet Time</span></font></p>
<p style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><font face="Times New Roman" size="3"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></font></p></span></div><div style="direction: ltr;"><span class="e" id="q_109c646cc7948e09_2">
<p style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><font face="Arial" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10.5pt; font-family: Arial;">Thanks for the reflections on
touching. For me, it's part of a larger conversation on quality of
contact. It starts with presence to the emotional experience of others —
am I present to that? It continues with eye contact, which for some people can
be as connecting or intrusive as touch and hugs. So, for me a question is, How
do we touch each other with eyes, words, hands in a way that opens the space?<br>
<br>
<br>
Jack<br>
<br>
<br>
__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__.__<br>
<br>
<font color="gray"><span style="color: gray;">jack ricchiuto<br>
two.one.six/three.seven.three/seven.four.seven.five<br>
<a href="http://www.designinglife.com" target="_blank" onclick="return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)">www.designinglife.com</a> / <a href="http://www.appreciativeleadership.com" target="_blank" onclick="return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)">
www.appreciativeleadership.com</a></span></font></span></font></p>
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</span></div></blockquote></div><br><br clear="all"><br>-- <br><br>CHRIS CORRIGAN<br>Consultation - Facilitation<br>Open Space Technology<br><br>Weblog: <a href="http://www.chriscorrigan.com/parkinglot">http://www.chriscorrigan.com/parkinglot
</a><br>Site: <a href="http://www.chriscorrigan.com">http://www.chriscorrigan.com</a>
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