[OSList] Satire from the Washington Post - for all Wordsmiths out there.

[Mark Carmel]

*ENGLISH Mensa Invitational - for lexophiles*

*The Washington Post Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.*
*Here are the winners:*

*-------------------------------------------------*1.* Cashtration* (n.): The
act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for
an indefinite period of time.


2.* Ignoranus*: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3.* Intaxicaton*: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

4.* Reintarnation*: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.* Bozone* (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.

6.* Foreploy*: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7.* Giraffiti*: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8.* Sarchasm*: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

9.* Inoculatte*: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10.* Osteopornosis*: A degenerate disease.*(*This one got extra credit)

11.* Karmageddon*: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like,
a serious bummer.

12.* Decafalon*(n):The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

13.* Glibido*: All talk and no action.

14.* Dopeler Effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

15.* Arachnoleptic Fit* (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

16.* Beelzebug* (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17.* Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.







*The WashingtonPost has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words.And the winners are:*1.* Coffee*, n. The person upon whom one
coughs.

2.* Flabbergasted*, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. *A**bdicate*, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.* Esplanade*, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.* Willy-nilly*, adj. Impotent.

6.* Negligent*, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.

7.* Lymph*, v. To walk with a lisp.

8.* Gargoyle*, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9.* Flatulence*, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.

10.* Balderdash*, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11.* Testicle*, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12.* Rectitude*, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. *Pokemon*, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. *Oyster*, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. *Frisbeetarianism*, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. *Circumvent*, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.


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