[OSList] Grief, Griefwork and Renewal -- The core of our work, I think
Daniel Mezick via OSList
oslist at lists.openspacetech.org
Tue Apr 21 16:40:10 PDT 2015
Hi Harrison,
The SPIRIT book does cover grief-work in some detail as it pertains to
organizations, and this book is the place I was first introduced to the
topic.
This know-how about grief has really influenced the design of the Open
Agile Adoption (OAA) and the structure to contain "100 days of openness"
bracketed by 2 OST events.
Speaking strictly for myself, I am sure that this knowledge of org-level
grief has helped me be far more effective when offering guidance during
transitions to Agile.
...that said: You say, in the Preface: "I must warn you, this is a very
difficult book."
Certainly that is still true for me even though I have examined it
closely several times. It might be just me I find that reading ten pages
at a time of that book still takes me a day or two to integrate.
Sometimes I learn completely new things reading the same parts over
again, a year later...same parts "reading differently" after some time
goes by.
So I do have this grief-centric conversation with 1, maybe 2 of the
higher-authorized leaders. The ones that are in, and authorized the OST,
and probably played in the Sponsor role.
I think that being introduced to corporate grief is important (perhaps
essential?) for the formally authorized leaders. So I do tell them about
it, and explain how the grief concept is informing the Open Agile
Adoption process. By the 2nd OST they seem sufficiently ready to discuss
the topic. And they seem to like discussing it.
I tried discussing griefwork ("death") with some of them earlier in the
process... and it just didn't take.
And so I've learned to wait until things are sufficiently ripe before
bringing this up to formally authorized org leaders.
Because truth be told, I think they wonder "what I've been smoking" if I
bring up grief as a topic...too soon.
DEATH after all is not the best name for a rock-and-roll band.....
A Band Called Death:
Related Links:
"His concept was spinning death from the negative to the positive. It
was a hard sell,"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_%28protopunk_band%29
This movie tells the whole story of the name "Death" for the band, and
what happened to them:
* "...The story follows the brothers' unsuccessful attempts to get
radio airplay and a record deal, largely due to David's adamant
refusal to change the name from Death."
* "..According to the Hackney family, Columbia Records
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia_Records> president Clive
Davis <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clive_Davis> funded the
recording sessions, but implored the band to change its name to
something more commercially palatable than Death."
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Band_Called_Death
Now what is interesting about this is that the band member/leader who
insisted on the name Death for the band, lost a brother (I think) in an
accident and apparently he was very stuck in the early stages of
grief-work on this death. Almost like naming the band "Death" was part
of his own personal work on the grief....
Daniel
On 4/19/15 9:19 AM, Harrison wrote:
>
> Dan – Seems to me the first concern is not so much “talking” about
> Griefwork with clients than knowing that the process of grief is
> undoubtedly going on somewhere, if only in the background. IÂ’ve found
> that such knowledge makes you much more sensitive to the needs and
> opportunities of those you work with. Seems to give you a more fully
> rounded picture than the flat single dimension view that a lot of
> folks apparently have of their organizations.
>
> Â
>
> Harrison
>
> Â
>
> Winter Address
>
> 7808 River Falls Drive
>
> Potomac, MD 20854
>
> 301-365-2093
>
> Â
>
> Summer Address
>
> 189 Beaucaire Ave.
>
> Camden, ME 04843
>
> 207-763-3261
>
> Â
>
> Websites
>
> www.openspaceworld.com <%20www.openspaceworld.com>
>
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>
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>
> *From:*Daniel Mezick [mailto:dan at newtechusa.net]
> *Sent:* Saturday, April 18, 2015 4:49 PM
> *To:* Harrison
> *Subject:* Re: [OSList] Grief, Griefwork and Renewal -- The core of
> our work, I think
>
> Â
>
> Ha...I love this topic.
>
> ...In her book REALITY IS BROKEN, Jane McGonigal enumerates some
> "happiness hacks" throughout the text. Interestingly, one of them is
> devoting 5 minutes a day to contemplating your own death.
>
> Death. A summary of what she says about it:
> "...Think about death for five minutes every day. (Researchers suggest
> that we can induce a mellow, grateful physiological state known as
> “posttraumatic bliss” that helps us appreciate the present moment
> and savor our lives more.)"
>
> So interesting that embracing change (from life to death in this
> extreme example) can generate “posttraumatic bliss”...aka...joy.
>
> Also interesting: Agile Manifesto:
>
> * "Responding to change over following a plan"
> * "...welcome changing [circumstances], even late [in the game.].
> Agile processes harness change...
>
>
> Liking this HO quote:
> "...The consultant community (we know who they are) are pretty good at
> this, after all they do have to make the sale and pay the rent. "
>
> "There is no waste in nature." -Unknown author
>
> "...everyone gets what they want..." -Ed Seykota
>
> "intentions equal results." -Ed Seykota
>
> Perhaps big huge orgs want to pay lots of money to coaches and
> consultants for nothing, just to say they spent the money. Not sure.
> Seems about right though...meanwhile, they are dying. And at the same
> time, "whistling past the graveyard." Consultants as undertakers?
> Maybe....
>
> Last thing: I never, ever mention griefwork when I chat with
> executives in the early going. They typically are much more likely to
> get it later, after we show them how "it" works, without explaining
> why "it" works.
>
> Related link? Well, OK:
> http://newtechusa.net/agile/start-with-how/
>
> Daniel
>
> On 4/15/15 11:26 AM, Harrison wrote:
>
> Dan – You are right. Doesn’t seem to be a forest fire here, but
> maybe a small smolder. As for the inability/unwillingness to talk
> about Grief Working – nothing new or strange. It has been that
> way for my whole professional life, which would take it back to
> 1960 when I got my first honest job. And I have it on very good
> authority that the situation has been pretty constant for the
> duration of human history. All that said, I think your
> little “saying” puts it pretty well –
>
> Â
>
> * Most change creates grief.
> * Most learning is change.
> * Therefore, most learning creates grief.
>
> Â
>
> My inclination would be to put in more absolute terms, but your
> phrasing does pretty good. The bottom line is that Life is Change,
> and Change, of whatever sort and no matter how small, involves
> an ending. It used to be “this” way – but now no longer.
> ThatÂ’s over. There is a new way. Ending. New Beginning.
>
> Â
>
> Both change and ending may seem small and inconsequential, but it
> is worthwhile remembering that my “minor change” may be your
> “calamitous disaster.” As a senior executive I may find it
> necessary for some sort of “Force Reduction.” From where I sit,
> it is a very minor thing, all in a dayÂ’s work, as they say. But
> if you happen to be part of that Force, the picture is rather
> different. It could be the end of a dream, a way of life. Serious
> indeed.
>
> Â
>
> I guess that is all pretty obvious, but it does make the point, I
> think, that every part of an organizationsÂ’ life, as indeed all
> of life itself is in constant change. ItÂ’s all flow. ItÂ’s all
> ending. ItÂ’s all new beginning. All with the inescapable
> corollary: Griefwork is a constant, everyday reality.
>
> Â
>
> Presuming any of this is true, it is also something that we would
> rather not talk about. For one thing, there is a lot of pain,
> which we would choose to avoid. For another thing, the notion that
> somehow we are in control is simply laughable. Sorry about that.
>
> Â
>
> What we wonÂ’t talk about just gets buried. Unfortunately what is
> buried most usually comes to the surface, inevitably at a most
> inconvenient time. One of the truly tragic, and funny in a way,
> elements of our common human behavior, is the lengths to which we
> seem prepared to go in keeping the unspeakable unspoken. And it
> really is a conspiracy of silence.
>
> Â
>
> It would be convenient if we were to be able blame just one group
> and absolve all the rest. Senior executives, for example. They say
> they are in charge, so clearly they are responsible! But it really
> is a conspiracy with full participation from all hands – which
> would include managers, workers, customers, politicians, drop
> outs... Nobody really wants to call the shot. The Emperor is buck
> naked!
>
> Â
>
> Most of the time, we just try to avoid the essential
> conversations. But when backed into a corner, we do our very best
> to sugar coat the pill. The consultant community (we know who they
> are) are pretty good at this, after all they do have to make the
> sale and pay the rent. But the end results are ridiculous nostrums
> branded as “Change Management,” “Painless Programs for
> Paradigm Shift” and so many more as to be uncountable. And just
> to be very clear, we need to add Open Space Technology to that
> list whenever good old OST is offered as some special process or
> program we have created and “do.”
>
> Â
>
> So anyhow, I do think that Griefwork is critical to Life –
> including life as experienced in Open Space. It really is
> something worth talking about, I think.
>
> Â
>
> Harrison
>
> Â
>
> Â
>
> Â
>
> Winter Address
>
> 7808 River Falls Drive
>
> Potomac, MD 20854
>
> 301-365-2093
>
> Â
>
> Summer Address
>
> 189 Beaucaire Ave.
>
> Camden, ME 04843
>
> 207-763-3261
>
> Â
>
> Websites
>
> www.openspaceworld.com <%20www.openspaceworld.com>
>
> www.ho-image.com
>
> OSLIST To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the
> archives of OSLIST Go
> to:http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org
>
> Â
>
> *From:*OSList [mailto:oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org] *On
> Behalf Of *Daniel Mezick via OSList
> *Sent:* Saturday, April 11, 2015 6:54 AM
> *To:* oslist at lists.openspacetech.org
> <mailto:oslist at lists.openspacetech.org>
> *Subject:* Re: [OSList] Grief, Griefwork and Renewal -- The core
> of our work, I think
>
> Â
>
> Hi All, Hi Harrison,
>
> I continue to watch this thread carefully since it first appeared.
> (Thank you for it Harrison...)
>
>
> And I am noticing this thread is not really catching fire...yet.
>
>
> I first ran into the org-level Griefwork concept in the SPIRIT book.
>
> Since then I've been paying close attention to how grief might
> actually be playing out in process-change initiatives in my own
> work "coaching" Agile in organizations.
>
> And after doing this for more than a few years, I conclude that
> yes, indeed, the grief cycle is often behind (or underneath) what
> is going on.
>
> And the reality is that this org-grief concept is what informed
> the early stages of the design of Open Agile Adoption (OAA,) a
> method to get a rapid & lasting Agile adoption.
>
> Ditto for Prime/OS, a method for gently introducing any kind
> process-change into any kind organization.
>
>
>
> Now the reality is that, in my experience, typical executives in
> typical orgs are not ready to talk to about PLAY. So I have to use
> the word "experimentation" instead.
>
> And they are not ready for the concept of "self organization" so I
> have to use "high performance" instead.
>
> Given this reality, it's unlikely these execs- the folks who write
> the checks- are ready, willing and able to discuss grief and
> Griefwork. (I tried it once and it didn't take.)
>
> All of that said, the design of OAA with before/after Open Space
> and 100 days in between is greatly informed by the Griefwork
> content found in the SPIRIT book. I teach a module on grief in the
> OAA class and mention it a little bit in the forthcoming book,
> but do not go too far with it because, well, you know.
>
> But with OAA practitioners and teachers I do give the subject good
> treatment and tell the more complete story of how OAA is designed
> to deal in org-level grief of the development & evolution of
> organizations. As a result I am always sending them to that "cult
> classic", the SPIRIT book (!)
>
>
>
>
> Now this quote in Harrison's (and Peggy's) story about USWEST
> really hit me:
>
> /"...Shortly told, the situation was that a corporate wide
> redesign (Process Re-Engineering) *had failed massively *leaving
> anger, frustration and confusion in its wake."/
>
> Now as everyone knows I continuously rant on the futility of
> mandating "process-change" and "new practices" like Agile, without
> gaining the consent of the people affected by the change.
>
> I rant on and on about the way Agile adoptions are typically
> arranged from the top, in authority terms, and how the teams that
> do the work are assumed to be perfectly happy about this, and in
> fact love the new way of working.
>
> And how that is rarely (if ever) the case, and how that
> under-the-surface resistance (and even resentment) can and will
> just TORPEDO the best of intentions with respect to getting a
> rapid and lasting adoption.
>
>
>
>
>
> And so it was (and is) with some interest that I noted this report
> about "process re-engineering" in the USWEST story.
> I'm guessing the "re-engineering" was issued from "on-high."
>
> I'm also guessing that the people who were affected (that would be
> just about everyone,) were probably not consulted first.
>
> Probably not asked to express what they wanted, what they thought
> or what they felt about it.
>
> In other words, I'm guessing that "process re-engineering" at
> USWEST was implemented as a mandate, not an invitation.
>
> And that, for most participants, the experience was very triggering.
>
> And cause for more than a little grief.
>
> Kind of like the typical Agile adoption in the typical large
> corporation today?
>
>
> Lately I've been fond of saying:
>
> * Most change creates grief.
> * Most learning is change.
> * Therefore, most learning creates grief.
>
>
> Now, this may or may not be true. Either way- we know grief needs
> and wants to be processed.
>
> This seems to be especially true for organizations, and the USWEST
> story seems to bear this out.
>
> Unless I am totally wrong, and USWEST actually started in Open
> Space, and set aside about 100 days to try it out the "process
> re-engineering" stuff for a while, and then did another Open Space
> after that?
>
>
> And so: thanks again for this essay, Harrison. I am enjoying it.
>
>
> Daniel
>
>
>
> PS
> I notice that in the book REALITY IS BROKEN by Jane McGonigal, she
> lists various "happiness hacks" and one of them is: "reflect on
> your own passing, for 5 minutes a day." She claims that doing so
> tends to increase human happiness. Funny how that works...
>
>
>
> Related links:
> www.OpenAgileAdoption.com <http://www.OpenAgileAdoption.com>
> www.Prime-OS.com <http://www.Prime-OS.com>
>
>
>
>
>
> On 3/27/15 1:00 PM, Harrison via OSList wrote:
>
> Grief and Griefwork are central to the human experience and
> evolution. To the extent that Open Space is a useful forum in
> which human experience and evolution may take place, both
> grief and Griefwork are critical elements. The process itself
> cannot be rushed. It will proceed at its own pace through the
> several phases, none of which can be skipped or short changed,
> for each phase contributes an essential element towards the
> final goal, which is renewal. No doubt grief is painful, and
> the process itself is, as the name implies, real work, but it
> is good work. In totality, and contrary to the popular
> perception, it is not sad. Indeed it is triumphal, even
> joyful, creating the way for letting go of what has ended, and
> leading to new life. Not bad for a dayÂ’s work!
>
> Â
>
> The ground breaking work describing the Griefwork Process was
> done by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, “On Death
> and Dying.” It was mind blowing. In one fell swoop she gave
> meaning to one of lifeÂ’s most painful experiences: Grief. Yes
> it was, and is, a pain, but pain with genuine gain. From the
> terrible moments of ending, something innate draws us forward.
> From Shock and Anger, through Denial on to letting go and
> resolution. We move on. We donÂ’t have to invent it, even
> think it. Happens all by itself, every time, and all the
> time – if we just let it. And that is a critical point... we
> have to let it happen. We can slow it, even abort it, but
> doing so leaves us in a life of grief with no resolution.
>
> Â
>
> Kübler-Ross’s focus was on the individual response to Death.
> My focus has always been on the larger agglomeration of
> individuals which we call organizations, what they are and how
> they develop and transform. And the more I thought about it,
> and lived deeply in the heart of many organizations, it
> occurred to me that Griefwork was very much present and
> critical. At points of ending, all sorts of endings, the
> process would start, sometimes with the whole organization
> involved. Shock/Anger, Denial, Memories, Despair, Open Space,
> Vision – those were my descriptors, and yes, Open Space had
> nothing to do with meetings. For me it was that incredible
> balance point between what was and what would become. IÂ’ll
> spare you the details, but if you are interested it is all
> there in my first book, “Spirit: Transformation and
> Development,” which is yours for a mouse click at
> http://openspaceworld.com/Spirit.pdfÂ
>
> Â
>
> Open Space Technology was a late comer in all of this,
> definitely a funny thing on the way to the future – until it
> began to dawn on me that everything I had experienced and
> described under the heading of Griefwork in Organizations
> showed up in that “funny thing.” Which is why I ended up
> calling it /Open Space/. “Technology” was merely an
> afterthought, and mostly a joke.
>
> Â
>
> When an organization is in deep pain caused by market shifts,
> corporate raiders, internal conflict, international disorder
> – whatever – The process of Griefwork kicks in. The initial
> response is shock and Anger, blame and confusion. “They did
> it!” “How could it happen to us?” Old ways end. New ways
> are much less than obvious. And the process rolls on! Should
> such an organization find itself sitting in a circle, creating
> a bulletin board... if would be fair to say that the Griefwork
> Process is the script of the emerging drama. Unwritten,
> unplanned, maybe unknown – but very much there, if you just
> take a moment to see. And if you have never been in such a
> situation, you can in fact see it in a remarkable video of
> USWEST, thanks to Peggy Holman. http://vimeo.com/25251316
>
> Â
>
> Shortly told, the situation was that a corporate wide redesign
> (Process Re-Engineering) had failed massively leaving anger,
> frustration and confusion in its wake. In one part of the
> USWEST world, The State of Arizona, it had all gone critical.
> Somehow, Peggy Holman and her colleagues managed to bring in
> Open Space, which is marvelously depicted by the video. When
> asked to describe the course of events over the three day
> gathering, one participant said (in reference to the second
> day), “Today I think we are searching for solutions for what
> we were bitching about yesterday.” There it is. The passage
> from shock and anger onto vision and renewal. But donÂ’t just
> listen to the words. The “body language” is even more
> compelling. In the opening circle you will see a phalanx of
> angry faces, arms folded, jaws set. Skip to the end and it is
> practically a love in. And no, we did not script it!
>
> Â
>
> Knowing that Griefwork is central to the fabric and flow of an
> Open Space is interesting. But becoming familiar with the
> essential elements of Griefwork and their contribution to the
> process of healing and renewal can provide a powerful point of
> insight for anyone who has undertaken the role of facilitator.
> It is not so much about guiding, or somehow directing, the
> process, which simply canÂ’t be done. It is about deepening
> our awareness of what is actually taking place. At the very
> least this awareness will provide some comfort and orientation
> in an otherwise confusing situation for the facilitator.
>
> Â
>
> Should it occur, as it often does, that the first day is
> filled with acrimony, blame, and anger... all mixed with an
> apparent unwillingness to face the facts of ending, this is
> not something that can or should be “fixed.”  It is simply
> the age old process of Grief doing its work. The natural
> tendency to attempt soothing the rough waters, and bring about
> some “rational” future oriented discussion will do no good
> at all, and in fact is counter-productive. The likely result
> is that the process will be aborted and driven underground. A
> superficial “peace” may be restored, but genuine healing and
> renewal are denied.
>
> Â
>
> Comforting a fevered facilitator is the least of the gifts
> that knowledge of the Griefwork process confers. More
> important are the clues and cues such knowledge provides to
> the facilitator, guidance on the most effective ways to hold
> the space. When shock and anger are rampant, the critical role
> is to keep the space wide open. This means serious Presence
> and Invisibility, and if that seems to be too hard an
> assignment, I suggest the “Chair Exercise.” Find a good
> solid chair, place it in an out of the way corner, but with a
> view of the action. Sit in the chair, and hold onto the seat
> with both hands – HARD. Whenever you are tempted to jump in
> and solve the situation, go ahead but keep holding onto the
> chair. You will feel pretty ridiculous, but the lesson will be
> immediate. Sit Down!
>
> Â
>
> As the Work of Grief moves along, new opportunities for the
> facilitator will appear. This is not the time or place to list
> them all, and my best effort will be found in the second half
> of my last book, “Wave Rider,” called the “Wave Rider’s
> Guide to the Future.”
> http://www.amazon.com/Wave-Rider-Leadership-Performance-Self-Organizing/dp/1576756173/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427472738&sr=1-3&keywords=harrison+owen
> I am under no illusion that my efforts represent the “Last
> Word,” indeed I sincerely hope that they will constitute an
> invitation to each and every one of you to explore and share
> your experience and findings.
>
> Â
>
> I am quite sure, however, that Griefwork is not a process we
> can design, program, or direct. It will happen as it always
> has – on its own timetable. But we can help. Of more
> immediate concern is the fact that we will have massive
> opportunities for exploration and assistance. Any fair reading
> of our current world order (is that an oxymoron?) tells us
> that there will be a lot of endings, most of them painful, but
> all of them potential for new beginnings. We have a lot of
> work to do.
>
> Â
>
> Harrison
>
> Â
>
> Â
>
> Winter Address
>
> 7808 River Falls Drive
>
> Potomac, MD 20854
>
> 301-365-2093
>
> Â
>
> Summer Address
>
> 189 Beaucaire Ave.
>
> Camden, ME 04843
>
> 207-763-3261
>
> Â
>
> Websites
>
> www.openspaceworld.com <%20www.openspaceworld.com>
>
> www.ho-image.com
>
> OSLIST To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view
> the archives of OSLIST Go
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>
> Â
>
>
>
>
>
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> Â
>
> --
>
>
> Daniel Mezick, President
>
> New Technology Solutions Inc.
>
> (203) 915 7248 (cell)
>
> Bio <http://newtechusa.net/dan-mezick/>. Blog
> <http://newtechusa.net/blog/>. Twitter
> <http://twitter.com/#%21/danmezick/>.Â
>
> Examine my new book:Â The Culture Game
> <http://newtechusa.net/about/the-culture-game-book/>: Tools for
> the Agile Manager.
>
> Explore Agile Team Training
> <http://newtechusa.net/services/agile-scrum-training/> and
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>
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> <http://newtechusa.net/user-groups/ma/>Community.Â
>
> Â
>
> --
>
> Daniel Mezick, President
>
> New Technology Solutions Inc.
>
> (203) 915 7248 (cell)
>
> Bio <http://newtechusa.net/dan-mezick/>. Blog
> <http://newtechusa.net/blog/>. Twitter
> <http://twitter.com/#%21/danmezick/>.Â
>
> Examine my new book:Â The Culture Game
> <http://newtechusa.net/about/the-culture-game-book/>: Tools for the
> Agile Manager.
>
> Explore Agile Team Training
> <http://newtechusa.net/services/agile-scrum-training/> and Coaching.
> <http://newtechusa.net/services/agile-scrum-coaching/>
>
> Explore the Agile Boston
> <http://newtechusa.net/user-groups/ma/>Community.Â
>
--
Daniel Mezick, President
New Technology Solutions Inc.
(203) 915 7248 (cell)
Bio <http://newtechusa.net/dan-mezick/>. Blog
<http://newtechusa.net/blog/>. Twitter
<http://twitter.com/#%21/danmezick/>.Â
Examine my new book:Â The Culture Game
<http://newtechusa.net/about/the-culture-game-book/>: Tools for the
Agile Manager.
Explore Agile Team Training
<http://newtechusa.net/services/agile-scrum-training/> and Coaching.
<http://newtechusa.net/services/agile-scrum-coaching/>
Explore the Agile Boston
<http://newtechusa.net//user-groups/ma/>Community.Â
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