[OSList] Grief, Griefwork and Renewal -- The core of our work, I think

[Jeff Aitken via OSList]

Thanks Daniel. There was a band called the Warlocks who changed their name early on to the Grateful Dead, finding that name 'glowing as tho lit from within' when looking thru an old unabridged Oxford dictionary in someone's living room. 

My somewhat suspect PhD dissertation on Open Space was not coincidentally grateful to use lyrics from several of their songs as creative jumping-off places for discussions of the changes in worldview that I found among participants talking about their experiences in Open Space. 

The lyricists Robert Hunter and John Perry Barlow being well appreciated for their eloquence in holding and soothing the grief of letting go of dying parents,  friends and identities. "Tell me all that you know,  and I'll show you snow and rain" (Bird Song) 

Jeff




-------- Original message --------
From: Daniel Mezick via OSList <oslist at lists.openspacetech.org> 
Date:04/21/2015  4:40 PM  (GMT-08:00) 
To: World wide Open Space Technology email list <oslist at lists.openspacetech.org> 
Cc: Harrison <hhowen at verizon.net> 
Subject: Re: [OSList] Grief, Griefwork and Renewal -- The core of our work, I think 

Hi Harrison, 

The SPIRIT book does cover grief-work in some detail as it pertains to organizations, and this book is the place I was first introduced to the topic. 

This know-how about grief has really influenced the design of the Open Agile Adoption (OAA) and the structure to contain "100 days of openness" bracketed by 2 OST events.

Speaking strictly for myself, I am sure that this knowledge of org-level grief has helped me be far more effective when offering guidance during transitions to Agile.

...that said: You say, in the Preface: "I must warn you, this is a very difficult book." 

Certainly that is still true for me even though I have examined it closely several times. It might be just me I find that reading ten pages at a time of that book still takes me a day or two to integrate. Sometimes I learn completely new things reading the same parts over again, a year later...same parts "reading differently" after some time goes by.

So I do have this grief-centric conversation with 1, maybe 2 of the higher-authorized leaders. The ones that are in, and authorized the OST, and probably played in the Sponsor role. 

I think that being introduced to corporate grief is important (perhaps essential?) for the formally authorized leaders. So I do tell them about it, and explain how the grief concept is informing the Open Agile Adoption process. By the 2nd OST they seem sufficiently ready to discuss the topic. And they seem to like discussing it. 

I tried discussing griefwork ("death") with some of them earlier in the process... and it just didn't take.

And so I've learned to wait until things are sufficiently ripe before bringing this up to formally authorized org leaders. 

Because truth be told, I think they wonder "what I've been smoking" if I bring up grief as a topic...too soon. 



DEATH after all is not the best name for a rock-and-roll band.....

A Band Called Death:

Related Links:
"His concept was spinning death from the negative to the positive. It was a hard sell,"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_%28protopunk_band%29

This movie tells the whole story of the name "Death" for the band, and what happened to them:
"...The story follows the brothers' unsuccessful attempts to get radio airplay and a record deal, largely due to David's adamant refusal to change the name from Death."
"..According to the Hackney family, Columbia Records president Clive Davis funded the recording sessions, but implored the band to change its name to something more commercially palatable than Death."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Band_Called_Death

Now what is interesting about this is that the band member/leader who insisted on the name Death for the band, lost a brother (I think) in an accident and apparently he was very stuck in the early stages of grief-work on this death. Almost like naming the band "Death" was part of his own personal work on the grief....


Daniel 





On 4/19/15 9:19 AM, Harrison wrote:
Dan – Seems to me the first concern is not so much “talking” about Griefwork with clients than knowing that the process of grief is undoubtedly going on somewhere, if only in the background. I’ve found that such knowledge makes you much             more sensitive to the needs and opportunities of those you work with. Seems to give you a more fully rounded picture than the flat single dimension view that a lot of folks             apparently have of their organizations.
 
Harrison
 
Winter Address
7808 River Falls Drive
Potomac, MD 20854
301-365-2093
 
Summer Address
189 Beaucaire Ave.
Camden, ME 04843
207-763-3261
 
Websites
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www.ho-image.com
OSLIST To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of OSLIST Go to:http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org
 
From: Daniel Mezick [mailto:dan at newtechusa.net] 
Sent: Saturday, April 18, 2015 4:49 PM
To: Harrison
Subject: Re: [OSList] Grief, Griefwork and Renewal -- The core of our work, I think
 
Ha...I love this topic.

...In her book REALITY IS BROKEN, Jane McGonigal enumerates some "happiness hacks" throughout the text. Interestingly, one           of them is devoting 5 minutes a day to contemplating your own death. 

Death. A summary of what she says about it:
"...Think about death for five minutes every day. (Researchers suggest that we can induce a mellow, grateful physiological state known as “posttraumatic bliss” that helps us appreciate the present moment and savor our lives more.)"

So interesting that embracing change (from life to death in this extreme example) can generate “posttraumatic bliss”...aka...joy.

Also interesting: Agile Manifesto:

"Responding to change over following a plan"
"...welcome changing [circumstances], even late [in the game.]. Agile processes harness change...

Liking this HO quote:
"...The consultant community (we know who they are) are pretty good at this, after all they do have to make the sale and pay the rent. "

"There is no waste in nature." -Unknown author

"...everyone gets what they want..." -Ed Seykota

"intentions equal results." -Ed Seykota

Perhaps big huge orgs want to pay lots of money to coaches and consultants for nothing, just to say they spent the money. Not sure. Seems about right though...meanwhile, they are dying. And at the same time, "whistling past the graveyard." Consultants as undertakers? Maybe....

Last thing: I never, ever mention griefwork when I chat with executives in the early going. They typically are much more likely to get it later, after we show them how "it" works, without explaining why "it" works.

Related link? Well, OK:
http://newtechusa.net/agile/start-with-how/

Daniel


On 4/15/15 11:26 AM, Harrison wrote:
Dan – You are right. Doesn’t seem to be a forest fire here, but maybe a small smolder. As for the inability/unwillingness to talk about Grief Working – nothing new or strange. It               has been that way for my whole professional life, which would take it back to 1960 when I got my first honest job. And I have it on very good authority that the situation has been pretty constant for the duration of human history.  All that said, I think your little “saying”               puts it pretty well –
 
Most change creates grief.
Most learning is change.
Therefore, most learning creates grief.
 
My inclination would be to put in more absolute terms, but               your phrasing does pretty good. The bottom line is that Life is Change, and Change, of whatever sort and no matter how small, involves an ending. It used to be               “this” way – but now no longer. That’s over. There is a new way. Ending. New Beginning.
 
Both change and ending may seem small and inconsequential, but it is worthwhile remembering that my “minor change” may be your “calamitous disaster.” As a senior executive I may find it necessary for some sort of “Force Reduction.” From where I sit, it is a very minor thing, all in a day’s work, as they say. But if you happen to be part of that Force, the picture is rather different. It could be the end of a dream, a way of life. Serious indeed.
 
I guess that is all pretty obvious, but it does make the point, I think, that every part of an organizationsÂ’ life, as indeed all of life itself is in constant change. ItÂ’s all flow. ItÂ’s all ending. ItÂ’s all new beginning. All with the inescapable corollary: Griefwork is a constant, everyday reality.
 
Presuming any               of this is true, it is also something that we would rather not talk about. For one thing, there is a lot of pain,               which we would choose to avoid. For another thing, the notion that somehow we are in control is simply laughable. Sorry about that.
 
What we wonÂ’t talk about just gets buried. Unfortunately what is buried most usually comes to the surface, inevitably at a most inconvenient time. One of the truly tragic, and funny in a way, elements of our common human behavior, is the               lengths to which we seem prepared to go in keeping the unspeakable unspoken. And it really is a conspiracy of silence.
 
It would be convenient if we were to be able blame just one group and absolve all the rest. Senior executives, for example. They               say they are in charge, so clearly they are responsible! But it really is a conspiracy with full participation from               all hands – which would include managers, workers, customers, politicians, drop outs... Nobody really wants to call the shot. The Emperor is buck naked!
 
Most of the time, we just try to avoid the essential conversations.               But when backed into a corner, we do our very best to sugar coat the pill. The consultant community (we know who they are) are pretty good at this, after all they do have               to make the sale and pay the rent. But the end results are ridiculous nostrums branded as “Change Management,” “Painless Programs for Paradigm Shift” and so many more as to be uncountable. And just to be very clear, we need               to add Open Space Technology to that list whenever good old OST is offered as some special process or program we have created and “do.”
 
So anyhow, I               do think that Griefwork is critical to Life – including life as experienced in Open Space. It really is something worth talking about, I think.
 
Harrison
 
 
 
Winter Address
7808 River Falls Drive
Potomac, MD 20854
301-365-2093
 
Summer Address
189 Beaucaire Ave.
Camden, ME 04843
207-763-3261
 
Websites
www.openspaceworld.com
www.ho-image.com
OSLIST To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of OSLIST Go to:http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org
 
From:                   OSList [mailto:oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org] On Behalf Of Daniel Mezick via OSList
Sent: Saturday, April 11, 2015 6:54 AM
To: oslist at lists.openspacetech.org
Subject: Re: [OSList] Grief, Griefwork and Renewal -- The core of our work, I think
 
Hi All, Hi Harrison, 

I continue to watch this thread carefully since it first appeared. (Thank you for it Harrison...) 


And I am noticing this thread is not really catching fire...yet.


I first ran into the org-level Griefwork concept in the SPIRIT book. 

Since then I've been paying close attention to how grief             might actually be playing out in process-change initiatives             in my own work "coaching" Agile in organizations. 

And after doing this for more than a few years, I conclude that yes, indeed, the grief cycle is often behind (or underneath) what is going on.

And the reality is that this org-grief concept is what             informed the early stages of the design of Open Agile Adoption (OAA,) a method to get a rapid & lasting Agile adoption. 

Ditto for Prime/OS, a method for gently introducing any kind process-change into any kind organization. 



Now the reality is that, in my experience, typical executives in typical orgs are not ready to talk to about PLAY. So I have to use the word "experimentation" instead. 

And they are not ready for the concept of "self             organization" so I have to use "high performance" instead. 

Given this reality, it's unlikely these execs- the folks who write the checks- are ready, willing and able to discuss grief and Griefwork. (I tried it once and it didn't take.)

All of that said, the design of OAA with before/after Open Space and 100 days in between is greatly informed by the Griefwork content found in the SPIRIT book. I teach a module on grief in the OAA class and mention it a little bit in the forthcoming book, but  do not go too far with it because, well, you know. 

But with OAA practitioners and teachers I do give the subject good treatment and tell the more complete story of how OAA is designed to deal in org-level grief of the development & evolution of organizations. As a result I am always sending them to that "cult classic", the SPIRIT book (!)




Now this quote in Harrison's (and Peggy's) story about USWEST really hit me:

"...Shortly told, the situation was that a corporate wide redesign (Process Re-Engineering) had failed massively leaving anger, frustration and confusion in its wake."

Now as everyone knows I continuously rant on the futility of mandating "process-change" and "new practices" like Agile, without gaining the consent of the people affected by the change. 

I rant on and on about the way Agile adoptions are typically arranged from the top, in authority terms, and how the teams that do the work are assumed to be perfectly happy about this, and in fact love the new way of working. 

And how that is rarely (if ever) the case, and how that under-the-surface resistance (and even resentment) can and will just TORPEDO the best of intentions with respect to getting a rapid and lasting adoption. 





And so it was (and is) with some interest that I noted this report about "process re-engineering" in the USWEST story. 
I'm guessing the "re-engineering" was issued from "on-high." 

I'm also guessing that the people who were affected (that             would be just about everyone,) were probably not consulted first. 

Probably not asked to express what they wanted, what they thought or what they felt about it. 

In other words, I'm guessing that "process re-engineering" at USWEST was implemented as a mandate, not an invitation. 

And that, for most participants, the experience was very triggering. 

And cause for more than a little grief.

Kind of like the typical Agile adoption in the typical large corporation today?


Lately I've been fond of saying:

Most change creates grief.
Most learning is change.
Therefore, most learning creates grief.

Now, this may or may not be true. Either way- we know grief             needs and wants to be processed.

This seems to be especially true for organizations, and the USWEST story seems to bear this out. 

Unless I am totally wrong, and USWEST actually started in             Open Space, and set aside about 100 days to try it out the "process re-engineering" stuff for a while, and then did another Open Space after that?


And so: thanks again for this essay, Harrison. I am enjoying it.


Daniel 



PS 
I notice that in the book REALITY IS BROKEN by Jane McGonigal, she lists various "happiness hacks" and one of them is: "reflect on your own passing, for 5 minutes a day." She claims that doing so tends to increase human happiness. Funny how that works...



Related links:
www.OpenAgileAdoption.com
www.Prime-OS.com






On 3/27/15 1:00 PM, Harrison via OSList wrote:
Grief and Griefwork are central to the human experience and evolution. To the extent that Open Space is a useful forum in which human experience and evolution may take place, both grief and Griefwork are critical elements. The process itself cannot be rushed. It will proceed at its own pace through the several phases, none of which can be skipped or short changed, for each phase contributes an essential element towards the final goal, which is renewal. No doubt grief is painful, and the process itself is, as the name implies, real work, but it is good work. In totality, and contrary to the popular perception, it is not sad. Indeed it is triumphal, even joyful, creating the way for letting go of what has ended, and leading to new life. Not bad for a dayÂ’s work!
Â
The ground breaking work describing the Griefwork Process was done by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, “On Death and Dying.” It was mind blowing. In one fell swoop she gave meaning to one of life’s most painful experiences: Grief. Yes it was, and is, a pain, but pain with genuine gain. From the terrible moments of ending, something innate draws us forward. From Shock and Anger, through Denial on to letting go and resolution. We move on. We don’t have to invent it, even think it. Happens all by itself, every time, and all the time – if we just let it. And that is a critical point... we have to let it happen. We can slow it, even abort it, but doing so leaves us in a life of grief with no resolution.
Â
Kübler-RossÂ’s focus was on the individual response to Death. My focus has always been on the larger agglomeration of individuals which we call organizations, what they are and how they develop and transform. And the more I thought about it, and lived deeply in the heart of many organizations, it occurred to me that Griefwork was very much present and critical. At points of ending, all sorts of endings, the process would start, sometimes with the whole organization involved. Shock/Anger, Denial, Memories, Despair, Open Space, Vision – those were my descriptors, and yes, Open Space had nothing to do with meetings. For me it was that incredible balance point between what was and what would become. IÂ’ll spare you the details, but if you are interested it is all there in my first book, “Spirit: Transformation and Development,” which is yours for a mouse click at http://openspaceworld.com/Spirit.pdfÂ
Â
Open Space Technology was a late comer in all of this, definitely a funny thing on the way to the future – until it began to dawn on me that everything I had experienced and described under the heading of Griefwork in Organizations showed up in that “funny thing.” Which is why I ended up calling it Open Space. “Technology” was merely an afterthought, and mostly a joke.
Â
When an organization is in deep pain caused by market shifts, corporate raiders, internal conflict, international disorder – whatever – The process of Griefwork kicks in. The initial response is shock and Anger, blame and confusion. “They did it!” “How could it happen to us?” Old ways end. New ways are much less than obvious. And the process rolls on! Should such an organization find itself sitting in a circle, creating a bulletin board... if would be fair to say that the Griefwork Process is the script of the emerging drama. Unwritten, unplanned, maybe unknown – but very much there, if you just take a moment to see. And if you have never been in such a situation, you can in fact see it in a remarkable video of USWEST, thanks to Peggy Holman. http://vimeo.com/25251316
Â
Shortly told, the situation was that a corporate wide redesign (Process Re-Engineering) had failed massively leaving anger, frustration and confusion in its wake. In one part of the USWEST world, The State of Arizona, it had all gone critical. Somehow, Peggy Holman and her colleagues managed to bring in Open Space, which is marvelously depicted by the video. When asked to describe the course of events over the three day gathering, one participant said (in reference to the second day), “Today I think we are searching for solutions for what we were bitching about yesterday.” There it is. The passage from shock and anger onto vision and renewal. But don’t just listen to the words. The “body language” is even more compelling. In the opening circle you will see a phalanx of angry faces, arms folded, jaws set. Skip to the end and it is practically a love in. And no, we did not script it!
Â
Knowing that Griefwork is central to the fabric and flow of an Open Space is interesting. But becoming familiar with the essential elements of Griefwork and their contribution to the process of healing and renewal can provide a powerful point of insight for anyone who has undertaken the role of facilitator. It is not so much about guiding, or somehow directing, the process, which simply can’t be done. It is about deepening our awareness of what is actually taking place. At the very least this awareness will provide some comfort and orientation in an otherwise confusing situation for the facilitator.
Â
Should it occur, as it often does, that the first day is filled with acrimony, blame, and anger... all mixed with an apparent unwillingness to face the facts of ending, this is not something that can or should be “fixed.”  It is simply the age old process of Grief doing its work. The natural tendency to attempt soothing the rough waters, and bring about some “rational” future oriented discussion will do no good at all, and in fact is counter-productive. The likely result is that the process will be aborted and driven underground. A superficial “peace” may be restored, but genuine healing and renewal are denied.
Â
Comforting a fevered facilitator is the least of the gifts that knowledge of the Griefwork process confers. More important are the clues and cues such knowledge provides to the facilitator, guidance on the most effective ways to hold the space. When shock and anger are rampant, the critical role is to keep the space wide open. This means serious Presence and Invisibility, and if that seems to be too hard an assignment, I suggest the “Chair Exercise.” Find a good solid chair, place it in an out of the way corner, but with a view of the action. Sit in the chair, and hold onto the seat with both hands – HARD. Whenever you are tempted to jump in and solve the situation, go ahead but keep holding onto the chair. You will feel pretty ridiculous, but the lesson will be immediate. Sit Down!
Â
As the Work of Grief moves along, new opportunities for the facilitator will appear. This is not the time or place to list them all, and my best effort will be found in the second half of my last book, “Wave Rider,” called the “Wave Rider’s Guide to the Future.” http://www.amazon.com/Wave-Rider-Leadership-Performance-Self-Organizing/dp/1576756173/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1427472738&sr=1-3&keywords=harrison+owen I am under no illusion that my efforts represent the “Last Word,” indeed I sincerely hope that they will constitute an invitation to each and every one of you to explore and share your experience and findings.
Â
I am quite sure, however, that Griefwork is not a process we can design, program, or direct. It will happen as it always has – on its own timetable. But we can help. Of more immediate concern is the fact that we will have massive opportunities for exploration and assistance. Any fair reading of our current world order (is that an oxymoron?) tells us that there will be a lot of endings, most of them painful, but all of them potential for new beginnings. We have a lot of work to do.
Â
Harrison
Â
Â
Winter Address
7808 River Falls Drive
Potomac, MD 20854
301-365-2093
Â
Summer Address
189 Beaucaire Ave.
Camden, ME 04843
207-763-3261
Â
Websites
www.openspaceworld.com
www.ho-image.com
OSLIST To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of OSLIST Go to:http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org
Â




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-- 


Daniel Mezick, President
New Technology Solutions Inc.
(203) 915 7248 (cell)
Bio. Blog.                 Twitter. 
Examine my new book:Â  The Culture Game : Tools for the Agile Manager.
Explore Agile Team Training and Coaching.
Explore the Agile Boston Community. 
 
-- 

Daniel Mezick, President
New Technology Solutions Inc.
(203) 915 7248 (cell)
Bio. Blog. Twitter. 
Examine my new book:Â  The Culture Game : Tools for the Agile Manager.
Explore Agile Team Training and Coaching.
Explore the Agile Boston Community. 

-- 
Daniel Mezick, President
New Technology Solutions Inc.
(203) 915 7248 (cell)
Bio. Blog. Twitter. 
Examine my new book:Â  The Culture Game : Tools for the Agile Manager.
Explore Agile Team Training and Coaching.
Explore the Agile Boston Community. 
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