[OSList] The Joys of Grief -- With Thanks to Harold

[Harold Shinsato]

Thanks so much for such a personal and poignant story, Suzanne - and 
Happy belated Birthday to you, Harrison (and to your dad, Suzanne).

A midwife helps usher the birth process, and a hospice worker assists 
the with the process of dying.

Open Space has very much been about both at the same time - which also 
makes it hard to talk about.

Birth usually comes with quite a bit of pain - we recognize that but 
gloss over it for the obvious joy of welcoming in a new soul - never 
mind the postpartum depression.

Death often comes with pain as well especially for those who are losing 
a loved one, but I've been surprised by the joy that comes from 
celebrating a life.

These are heavy things - not necessarily the best marketing material to 
invite people into something. And at the same time, it touches on why 
Open Space is so potent. It's touching on a very natural 
transformational process of both beginnings and endings. There's a deep 
awareness of structure in Open Space, even as we witness new structure 
coming into being to serve Spirit, just as we witness it leaving.

My original intention for diving into Open Space was to promote new 
stuff. Agile Software Development. Lean. Even OST itself. What I haven't 
felt nearly as joyful about has been how much OST is also about grieving 
and letting go of the old stories. The memories. It's continues to be 
something worthy of pondering - and I'm grateful that Harrison wrote 
Wave Rider. And it still feels like there's more, much more.

How do you keep facing and helping these forces to flower as an Open 
Space facilitator - or as someone inviting others in? How do you face 
the fear - and keep the courage both for yourself, and for others?

     Thanks,
     Harold

P.S. This quote seems relevant.

/A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by 
little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great 
soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his 
shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and 
to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it 
contradict every thing you said to-day. --- 'Ah, so you shall be sure to 
be misunderstood.' --- Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? 
Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and 
Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that 
ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood./

     - Ralph Waldo Emerson


On 12/3/12 12:47 PM, Harrison Owen wrote:
>
> Thanks Suzanne -- and a special thanks to your father, without whom 
> you would not be. J
>
> ho
>
> Harrison Owen
>
> 7808 River Falls Dr.
>
> Potomac, MD 20854
>
> USA
>
> 189 Beaucaire Ave. (summer)
>
> Camden, Maine 20854
>
> Phone 301-365-2093
>
> (summer) 207-763-3261
>
> www.openspaceworld.com <www.openspaceworld.com%20>
>
> www.ho-image.com <www.ho-image.com%20> (Personal Website)
>
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> *From:*oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org 
> [mailto:oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org] *On Behalf Of *Suzanne 
> Daigle
> *Sent:* Sunday, December 02, 2012 2:22 PM
> *To:* World wide Open Space Technology email list
> *Subject:* Re: [OSList] The Joys of Grief -- With Thanks to Harold
>
> A special Happy Birthday wish with a story that says:  "Don't judge a 
> book by its cover!"
>
> December 2^nd is a special day for someone we know.  It's Harrison's 
> birthday and we are all very grateful that he popped into this world 
> on this little ole planet of ours, if only to remind us all how 
> wonderfully precious life is and how much there is to enjoy in the 
> doing and non-doing, moment by moment, in wonder and in awe of it all.
>
> Open Space Technology has been a great gift to so many, opening  up 
> spaces inside ourselves and with others, spaces where people can come 
> together to make a difference -- in our families, our communities, in 
> countries and in the world. Unbelievable what happens by simply 
> sitting in a circle, united on something we care about, with a law and 
> a few principles which are really just the laws of nature and life!  
> Magic happens every time. The experience is unique and predictable, 
> joyous and intense, always generative, purposeful and creative.
>
> No gift big enough, no birthday wish loud enough to express the 
> gratitude we feel for this great life gift that Open Space has been 
> for all of us around the world.
>
> So on this anniversary date, a day when we want to say a heartfelt 
> Happy Birthday to our dear friend Harrison,  I offer this paying it 
> forward Birthday Story as a gift hoping it will invite a " heartfelt 
> conversation" that people can have with their dads not even waiting 
> for a birthday day -- a conversation I can now only have in spirit.
>
> Many of you know this already because I have spoken of this 
> coincidence before. *My late father and Harrison share the same 
> birthdate* and same penchant for gin martinis. Before he died, my 
> French Canadian dad read _A User Guide to Open Space Technology_ in 
> Italian, a language that he had been teaching himself. He loved the 
> book and we had some good chats and quite a few arguments about it too.
>
> Today something happened; a bit of synchronicity that brings a touch 
> of sadness and joy to my day. It's something I wanted to share with 
> all of you knowing that in the vulnerability of my story, it may bring 
> you closer to people in your life.
>
> About 8 to 10 years ago, my dad sent me a book titled: *_Machiavelli 
> for Women_ *by Harriet Rubin.  Wikipedia describes *Machiavellianism* 
> (or *machiavellian mask*) is, according to the Oxford English 
> Dictionary <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxford_English_Dictionary>, 
> "the employment of cunning and duplicity 
> <http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/duplicity> in statecraft or in general 
> conduct", deriving from the Italian Renaissance 
> <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italian_Renaissance> diplomat and writer 
> Niccolò Machiavelli 
> <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Niccol%C3%B2_Machiavelli>, who wrote Il 
> Principe <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prince> (The Prince) and 
> other works. The word has a similar use in modern psychology 
> <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology> where it describes one of 
> the dark triad <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad> 
> personalities, characterised by a duplicitous interpersonal style 
> associated with cynical 
> <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cynicism_%28contemporary%29> beliefs and 
> pragmatic morality.
>
> I was hurt when I got this book in the mail from dad.  I did not read 
> it or even mention a word about it; simply stuffed it in the back of a 
> giant bookshelf in my garage*.  I should have known to never judge a 
> book by its cover. *
>
>  Like many children I had a conflicted relationship with my dad. As a 
> medical doctor who loved science and his profession, he found little 
> use for the mega corporations of this world. In his eyes, they were 
> the arch enemy. Working in manufacturing and corporate leadership, I 
> often felt that I bore the brunt of all that was wrong with corporate 
> politics, that I myself was too manipulatory, too nice and too 
> controlling -- the stuff that I then felt was good leadership and 
> management.  Dad often felt outrage at what he saw and so often, he 
> wanted me to join his  fight if only in words. It was not my way. And 
> yet, I shared his views on many issues while still seeing the great 
> stuff that happens in the workplace.
>
> When Open Space came into my life, it was a veritable tsunami, hugely 
> transformative, painful at times though more often joyful.  It also 
> got me a relationship with my dad. I can only imagine the 
> conversations we would have today as I step into a bigger calling of 
> leadership with others more and more.
>
> So the point of my story is that this book was not an endorsement of 
> Machiavellian ways, it was an acknowledgement by my dad of the high 
> regard he had for me and what he saw was possible when women and 
> others step into their leadership, one that is not about war and 
> power, fighting and winning. Quite the contrary. The stories, the 
> quotes, the leaders are inspiring in the way of the Open Space work 
> that we do.
>
> On this special birthday day, I quote this passage on page 20 from 
> Harriet Rubin's book that came from Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech 
> which I interpret was also my dad's message to me and the message that 
> Harrison conveys to us in this community, time and time again:
>
> "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is 
> that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, our darkness, 
> that most frighten us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, 
> gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be?... 
> Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing 
> enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure 
> around you.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give 
> other people permission to do the same."
>
> In closing, I add this last tidbit.  After reading the first few 
> chapters of this fateful book, I started fanning the pages, stopping 
> when I suddenly recognized my dad's handwriting. Under the chapter 
> heading "_On the use of Men as Weapons_", my father had scrawled these 
> words in brackets *(Except your dad).*   It was the only page on which 
> he had written anything.  Needless to say, tears poured down my face.
>
> And in the end, on this special birthday day, I know it's the universe 
> telling me and us once again to be opening space everywhere and 
> anywhere, all the time!   Otherwise, we will be limited to judging a 
> book by its cover, never knowing the greatness of others and what we 
> can do together.
>
> So Harrison, expect a Birthday Hug in Florida at WOSonOS 2013 if I 
> don't see you before then.
>
> Suzanne
>
>


-- 
Harold Shinsato
harold at shinsato.com <mailto:harold at shinsato.com>
http://shinsato.com
twitter: @hajush <http://twitter.com/hajush>
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