[OSList] The Joys of Grief -- With Thanks to Harold

[chunili2000 at yahoo.com]

Words became blurry when I finished reading your story Suzanne. Thanks for sharing this and it's cathartic for me.
I love the quote from Nelson Mandela, and I love the quote that Harold shared below by Emerson.

Words are powerful and give us strength.
Thank you Harrison for the wisdom you always share with us through your words.

To your question Harold on how to face fear and keep the courage, I rely on the powerful words that many of you share on this list.
Thank you to all of you.

Chuni Li




________________________________
 From: Harold Shinsato <harold at shinsato.com>
To: World wide Open Space Technology email list <oslist at lists.openspacetech.org> 
Sent: Monday, December 3, 2012 6:33 PM
Subject: Re: [OSList] The Joys of Grief -- With Thanks to Harold
 

Thanks so much for such a personal and poignant story, Suzanne - and Happy belated Birthday to you, Harrison (and to your dad, Suzanne).

A midwife helps usher the birth process, and a hospice worker
      assists the with the process of dying.

Open Space has very much been about both at the same time - which
      also makes it hard to talk about.

Birth usually comes with quite a bit of pain - we recognize that
      but gloss over it for the obvious joy of welcoming in a new soul -
      never mind the postpartum depression.

Death often comes with pain as well especially for those who are
      losing a loved one, but I've been surprised by the joy that comes
      from celebrating a life.

These are heavy things - not necessarily the best marketing
      material to invite people into something. And at the same time, it
      touches on why Open Space is so potent. It's touching on a very
      natural transformational process of both beginnings and endings.
      There's a deep awareness of structure in Open Space, even as we
      witness new structure coming into being to serve Spirit, just as
      we witness it leaving.

My original intention for diving into Open Space was to promote
      new stuff. Agile Software Development. Lean. Even OST itself. What
      I haven't felt nearly as joyful about has been how much OST is
      also about grieving and letting go of the old stories. The
      memories. It's continues to be something worthy of pondering - and
      I'm grateful that Harrison wrote Wave Rider. And it still feels
      like there's more, much more.

How do you keep facing and helping these forces to flower as an
      Open Space facilitator - or as someone inviting others in? How do
      you face the fear - and keep the courage both for yourself, and
      for others?

    Thanks,
    Harold

P.S. This quote seems relevant.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.

    - Ralph Waldo Emerson


On 12/3/12 12:47 PM, Harrison Owen wrote:

 
>Thanks Suzanne – and a special thanks to your father, without whom you would not be. J
> 
>ho
> 
>Harrison Owen
>7808 River Falls Dr.
>Potomac, MD 20854
>USA
> 
>189 Beaucaire Ave. (summer)
>Camden, Maine 20854
> 
>Phone 301-365-2093
>(summer)  207-763-3261
> 
>www.openspaceworld.com 
>www.ho-image.com (Personal Website)
>To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of OSLIST Go to:http://lists.openspacetech.org/listinfo.cgi/oslist-openspacetech.org
> 
>From:oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org [mailto:oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org] On Behalf Of Suzanne Daigle
>Sent: Sunday, December 02, 2012 2:22 PM
>To: World wide Open Space Technology email list
>Subject: Re: [OSList] The Joys of Grief -- With Thanks to Harold
> 
>A special Happy Birthday wish with a story that says:  “Don’t judge a book by its cover!”
>December 2nd is a special day for someone we know.  It’s Harrison’s birthday and we are all very grateful that he popped into this world on this little ole planet of ours, if only to remind us all how wonderfully precious life is and how much there is to enjoy in the doing and non-doing, moment by moment, in wonder and in awe of it all. 
>Open Space Technology has been a great gift to so many, opening  up spaces inside ourselves and with others, spaces where people can come together to make a difference – in our families, our communities, in countries and in the world. Unbelievable what happens by simply sitting in a circle, united on something we care about, with a law and a few principles which are really just the laws of nature and life!  Magic happens every time.  The experience is unique and predictable, joyous and intense, always generative, purposeful and creative. 
>No gift big enough, no birthday wish loud enough to express the gratitude we feel for this great life gift that Open Space has been for all of us around the world.
>So on this anniversary date, a day when we want to say a heartfelt Happy Birthday to our dear friend Harrison,  I offer this paying it forward Birthday Story as a gift hoping it will invite a “ heartfelt conversation” that people can have with their dads not even waiting for a birthday day – a conversation I can now only have in spirit.  
>Many of you know this already because I have spoken of this coincidence before. My late father and Harrison share the same birthdate and same penchant for gin martinis.  Before he died, my French Canadian dad read A User Guide to Open Space Technology in Italian, a language that he had been teaching himself. He loved the book and we had some good chats and quite a few arguments about it too.
>Today something happened; a bit of synchronicity that brings a touch of sadness and joy to my day. It’s something I wanted to share with all of you knowing that in the vulnerability of my story, it may bring you closer to people in your life. 
>About 8 to 10 years ago, my dad sent me a book titled: Machiavelli for Women by Harriet Rubin.  Wikipedia describes Machiavellianism (or machiavellian mask) is, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, "the employment of cunning and duplicity in statecraft or in general conduct", deriving from the Italian Renaissance diplomat and writer Niccolò Machiavelli, who wrote Il Principe (The Prince) and other works. The word has a similar use in modern psychology where it describes one of the dark triad personalities, characterised by a duplicitous interpersonal style associated with cynical beliefs and pragmatic morality.
>I was hurt when I got this book in the mail from dad.  I did not read it or even mention a word about it; simply stuffed it in the back of a giant bookshelf in my garage.  I should have known to never judge a book by its cover.  
> Like many children I had a conflicted relationship with my dad. As a medical doctor who loved science and his profession, he found little use for the mega corporations of this world. In his eyes, they were the arch enemy. Working in manufacturing and corporate leadership, I often felt that I bore the brunt of all that was wrong with corporate politics, that I myself was too manipulatory, too nice and too controlling – the stuff that I then felt was good leadership and management.  Dad often felt outrage at what he saw and so often, he wanted me to join his  fight if only in words. It was not my way. And yet, I shared his views on many issues while still seeing the great stuff that happens in the workplace. 
>When Open Space came into my life, it was a veritable tsunami, hugely transformative, painful at times though more often joyful.  It also got me a relationship with my dad. I can only imagine the conversations we would have today as I step into a bigger calling of leadership with others more and more. 
>So the point of my story is that this book was not an endorsement of Machiavellian ways, it was an acknowledgement by my dad of the high regard he had for me and what he saw was possible when women and others step into their leadership, one that is not about war and power, fighting and winning. Quite the contrary. The stories, the quotes, the leaders are inspiring in the way of the Open Space work that we do.  
>On this special birthday day, I quote this passage on page 20 from Harriet Rubin’s book that came from Nelson Mandela’s inaugural speech which I interpret was also my dad’s message to me and the message that Harrison conveys to us in this community, time and time again:
>“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, our darkness, that most frighten us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be?... Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
>In closing, I add this last tidbit.  After reading the first few chapters of this fateful book, I started fanning the pages, stopping when I suddenly recognized my dad’s handwriting.  Under the chapter heading “On the use of Men as Weapons”, my father had scrawled these words in brackets (Except your dad).   It was the only page on which he had written anything.  Needless to say, tears poured down my face. 
>And in the end, on this special birthday day, I know it’s the universe telling me and us once again to be opening space everywhere and anywhere, all the time!   Otherwise, we will be limited to judging a book by its cover, never knowing the greatness of others and what we can do together. 
>So Harrison, expect a Birthday Hug in Florida at WOSonOS 2013 if I don't see you before then.
>Suzanne
> 
>


-- 
Harold Shinsato
harold at shinsato.com
http://shinsato.com
twitter: @hajush
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