[OSList] Thank you, my mother, and Chile

[Lisa Heft]

Hello, dear colleagues -

I appreciate all the love and support you have sent me both on and off  
the list as you heard the news of my mother's passing.

As you may have read from previous messages - I was in Chile  
facilitating several Open Space Learning Workshops as my mother was  
moving through her transition from life into death.
My father and I have been taking care of her for 10 years as her  
health has shifted. They live close to me in a wonderful elders  
residence and I am there all the time as we are very close  
emotionally.  My life is a lovely balance of self care, parental care  
and this wonderful work that we facilitator folks do. This time has  
been a true and bittersweet gift. To be able to love them both up by  
being there, caring for them, sharing thoughts and emotions, and  
knowing that we love each other has been an amazing gift. I feel very  
lucky to have this sort of relationship with my parents, and I know  
that not everybody has this opportunity, and I treasure it.

The last few years have required more care as my mother has become  
more delicate in health and our lives have been intertwined as my  
parents and I have traveled together through these experiences.
At the end of April my mother became critically ill, and since that  
time she had been making an amazingly graceful progression towards  
death and release, surrounded by loving care and loved ones.
I had a strong feeling she would die while I was away teaching in  
Chile - however my father (and my mother's voice was also very strong  
inside my head) said 'Go! Go! Live! This is what it is all about -  
sharing learning and community across the world!' about Open Space and  
dialogue and the power of a diverse community. Sharing knowledge, love  
and peace.
So I went.

My classes and the fabulous WOSonOS 2011 Host Team knew that I was sad  
and concerned about my mother and father during my travels, and they  
loved me up and held their arms open for whatever shape my concern and  
worry would take - while at the same time they traveled with me  
through rich learning and exploration about Open Space in these  
workshops.

The first group of participants was about 65 graduate students and  
faculty of the Masters program in Organizational Development and  
Strategic People Management in the School of Economics and Business at  
Universidad Diego Portales in Santiago de Chile - as well as members  
of the 2011 Host Team. They welcomed my teaching in Spanish (including  
my various words in 'Spanglish' that either worked or were hilarious  
errors) as well as my sharing about my mother. The talking / listening  
piece I use in my Open Spaces is a stone from the sea that my mother  
gave to me when I was a small child  - so they learned about my love  
and concern when we went into Closing Circle in the Open Space meeting  
that is a part of my workshop. The second group of participants was  
about 50 facilitators, coaches and executive directors of NGO's / non- 
profit organizations, in our workshop hosted by the School of  
Psychology at the Universidad Aldolfo Ibañez in Santiago de Chile.

One evening during the first workshop dates I suddenly had a feeling  
that my mother was waiting for me to return home from my travels  
before she could die. I have been at many deaths and have seen this  
happen, where people wait for their loved ones before letting go.  And  
I told her not to do that for me - but to fly...to let go...with my  
love.  I woke up the next day to find an email message that she had  
died at that exact moment. No surprise, our profound connection.

I came in to that next workshop day with the news that my mother had  
died. And I said 'If you are okay with me crying, I am okay with  
continuing on with you in this learning journey. It is what my mother  
would want. She believes in our work together. And besides - if you  
want to be facilitators - emotions happen. This is real. Shall we  
continue?' And they did, with open arms. And with stories throughout  
the day of mothers and love.

During the second workshop I was of course still quite emotional, and  
I shared the story of my mother when we came again to that point with  
the listening stone. Once again I was held in open arms and once again  
we continued to explore rich learning together in and about Open  
Space. At the end of that workshop, one of the participants gave me a  
gift - a necklace that her mother made for me. Each night she had gone  
home to tell her mother about the workshop, and her mother had felt a  
deep connection with me even though we had not met. I treasure that  
necklace, and that experience.

My father now wears both his own and my mother's wedding rings -  
artful little pieces with lapis, agate, jade and other stones inset in  
gold. On his desk calendar, on the day she died, he has drawn a  
picture of little hearts, flying away up into the sky. And we look up  
into that sky and see the stars and think that one of them - or all of  
them - is my mother. But then I feel my mother and father in every  
word and act and deed I do - I always have - in every moment of my  
work with groups and my remembering to be the truest me that I can be.  
My mother and father are everywhere in me and in everything I touch  
and experience.

So I am a lucky girl - and most loved, by my parents, and by you...

Thank you all, and take good care of yourselves and the mothers and  
fathers you have or for the mother-father love you have created for  
yourself inside of you.

Perhaps I will see some of you at the WOSonOS in Chile this October...

Lisa

Lisa Heft
Consultant, Facilitator, Educator
Opening Space
lisaheft at openingspace.net
  
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