Shy people... (?)

Thu Jul 22 11:10:01 PDT 2010

Oh what a gift today!  Something fell into my Inbox that made my heart lurch
with absolute delight. It was your note Jon about the shy people! And then
Harrison's story about the secretary, well that just spoke to all that I
believe in about Open Space!

*Jon, you said: "You won’t be surprised to know that I have never had a
problem speaking (and even performing) in public. This isn’t just because I
have a lot of passion and desire to make the world a better place (and
entertain people!) – it is because I have a good dollop of confidence. I
probably blame my parents for this as they always had lots of confidence in
me."*

So much in those few words that speak of your heart, your caring and your
deep wisdom. Coming from someone who was that "shy" person you speak of, I
can honestly say there is nothing else for you to do but trust that you are
already holding that space so very well with your intentions. The greatest
gift is just that: to "open space" and then just gently "hold it".  From
your heart, you are already making that space feel safe. The individual
release will happen when it happens!

For so long how I wished I could have been one of those lucky ones like you
without the problem of speaking in public--something I had to do often,
never liking it one bit. Now I know  it was my *Life Gift* because I truly
understand what it feels like to be "afraid" (I don't think it's so much
about being shy).  I was so afraid to be judged, afraid I was not as smart,
not good enough or whatever, doubting whether I had anything worthy to say
compared to the brilliant things I was hearing from others.  No matter the
personal or career successes, or how ridiculous it was for me to doubt
myself this way, which was so different I'm sure than what others perceived
me to be: this seemingly self-confident person. The fact remained that the
little voice in my head was much louder than the voice others could hear or
the facade society insists that we wear.  What an absolute waste of the
precious minutes in our lives. My story is a common story -- a story
everyone would recognize in each other if we could live our lives from the
"inside out" instead of the  "outside in".   We could then just be ourselves
which is plenty good enough!

So then I met Open Space and my life changed. Everything clicked! Not only
had I found my calling in this work that I love, I also recognized that
intuitively I had been opening space for others my entire life without
knowing what I was doing.  It was and is my passion.

My little voice has not totally gone away, but every day it recedes a bit
more.  Even now, I still feel the euphoria of this blessed release, almost
giddy at times when I speak my voice or press the send button as I will do
soon.

One day, I hope I will strike a different kind of balance, one that invites
a comfortable silence rooted in a gentle less emotional knowing that leaves
a ton of space for others as they speak and find the courage of their own
voice.  Silencing the little voice in our head, taking a risk and speaking
out is the first step that leads to the other part which is to "listen" and
really "hear" each other. That's the sweet spot and where the magic of
co-creating begins!

Today * *I just want to say thank you Jon for your posting which invited so
many other wonderful voices on this subject.  It prompted me to boldly step
forward again sharing a personal story that is my way of  "paying it
forward" to so many here who restore and nourish my courage.* * Hopefully by
speaking now, I can embolden others enticing them to jump into the river so
their squealing voices can be heard cause it's a heck of a lot more fun
being in the river than timidly watching from the shore!  Let's all be Wave
Riders!

Big hugs, Suzanne

On Thu, Jul 22, 2010 at 10:36 AM, Sharon Quarrington
<sharonq at pdesigns.com>wrote:

> I love the "shy people" issue as it really speaks to the heart of Open
> Space - and is a reflection on how different OST is from so many other ways
> of connecting and communicating.
>
> I've learned that when we have identified a great topic for an Open Space -
> one where the group has passion for the subject, permission to work on
> solutions and the power to implement them no one ever worries about "shy"
> people.
>
> Thank you Harrison for that wonderful story about the magic that happens
> when those conditions are in place.
>
> If we are missing passion, power or permission then certain members of the
> system will not speak up - not because of "shyness" but for all the very
> valid reasons that Michael identified.
>
> I see my challenge as the facilitator is to ensure we do have passion,
> power and permission and if we don't to figure out why and sort that out
> before any invitations are sent.  Usually the issue is the system the group
> is working in and the fears of the management around chaos.  I find that
> clearly articulating the givens is the key to sorting through that.  Often
> when we do get to the OS the issue that we end up working on is not the one
> the sponsor originally contacted me about - but it's always the "right" one.
>
> All the best,
>
> Sharon Quarrington
> Campbellville Leadership Centre
>
> *
> *
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-- 
Suzanne Daigle
NuFocus Strategic Group
7159 Victoria Circle
University Park, FL 34201
FL 941-359-8877;
CT 203-722-2009
www.nufocusgroup.com
s.daigle at nufocusgroup.com

*
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