Shy people... (?)

Thu Jul 22 09:40:02 PDT 2010

Hi Jon 

I've used the "If your thinking maybe you should or shouldn't.. Maybe you should." line on a couple of OS meetings and it always seems to do the trick. 
It's very much about how that 'invitation' is put out there, which of course, comes back to Phelim's point about 'elegance'.
I think it's important to consider that we live in a world where people tend to have a preference for either 'do-think-do' or 'think-do-think'. It's the latter who often need more time to reflect silently before acting and coming to the centre of the room and writing their issue / idea / question etc. Or not.
Knowing this has made me more trusting, patient and encouraging during this phase of the process. I enjoy the silence - the electricity in the room - the time it takes for the issues to emerge. 
I like Arny Mindell's notion that the 'silent ones' are holding the dreams of the group. I think that can be true. Often the silent contribution is as important as its opposite. The silent contributor often listens more intently and is able to make connections, see patterns, listen for insights and pose deeper questions, which may surface later, as the OS event unfolds.

Andrew
ps I SO like that chocolate idea!

--- On Thu, 22/7/10, Phelim <phelim at mac.com> wrote:

From: Phelim <phelim at mac.com>
Subject: Re: Shy people... (?)
To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
Date: Thursday, 22 July, 2010, 14:59

Jon
There are things that can be said explicitly that are suggestions or invitations:  Like
 "In theory it shouldn't be possible for you to go away and say "They didn't work on my issue"Etc..
"If your thinking maybe you should or shouldn't.. Maybe you should." The quality with which  you do this is the elegance! 
However... My feeling is that the main thing is to BE the invitation by being comfortable with that wonderful moment when "nothing" is happening and actually everything is happening. That is knowing that new ideas are being given birth to in the silence. I am getting better at feeling the atmosphere of when things are still cooking and ideas or sessions are still behind the silence. Sometimes the practice is to be stating the invitation by how comfortable you are with holding that silence/space. I think it is this that will have an impact on whether "shy" people are comfortable to be taken into the circle by their passion. Somewhere we are communicating that it's not just their idea it's actually everybody's so they don't feel it so personally. I often remember Arny Mindell's proposition that in any group field the "silent ones" are holding the dreams of the group. Knowing this might be true and holding that within oneself can be the thing that welcomes
 people into the circle. I actually have a resistance to making it "Easier" since I feel the very process of getting over the resistance is not just a sorting process but a focussing and incubating process itself. Pushing people over an edge is not necessarily what we want.Encouraging  "shy" people to call sessions they want to may override important boundaries and not honour the "ecology check" they are attending to. Whenever they call it is the right time. And whenever they don't is also true. 
If the definition of an invitation is that it's ok to not turn up then it's the same for sessions it should be ok for NO sessions to be called.. (I eagerly await this highly successful open space). 
All this is not the same as access issues which mean dealing with when the passion is present and it's not easy for you to write or get to the centre but we make sure that is supported to happen in its own way. 
By the way how many of the chocolate enticed sessions are actually just about that great topic... Chocolate?
Phelim  x     Sent from my iPad 
On 22 Jul 2010, at 09:26, Jon Harvey <jon at jonharveyassociates.co.uk> wrote:

Dear all 

You won’t be surprised to know that I have never had a
problem speaking (and even performing) in public. This isn’t just because
I have a lot of passion and desire to make the world a better place (and
entertain people!) – it is because I have a good dollop of confidence. I
probably blame my parents for this as they always had lots of confidence in me. 

So when it comes to speaking up in an Open Space and saying what
session I would like to run, there is no problem for me. But there does appear
to be a problem for some people. Maybe. When I am facilitating an Open Space, I
aim to do all I can in the introduction to make it easy for anyone, no matter
how shy or lacking in confidence they are, to come forward. Whilst I almost always
step outside of the circle, I hang about near the microphone sometimes, or not.
I place chocolates in the middle to lure people into declaring their passion
and offering to run a session. I look calmly on and simply ‘be’
when no one is coming forward... (sometimes).  

And then the sponsor says, perhaps people are just too shy,
speaking into the microphone is just too daunting, will you offer to speak for
people if they write it out first, shall I do this, could they just place the
meeting notice on the agenda wall, is Open Space only for confident people, do
we need more structure...? (etc.) I feel uncomfortable, I know that people have
ideas and questions they would like to discuss and I know some people find
speaking to a group (big or small) really, really scary. I want to stay ‘true’
to the principle of passion in OS – but I also want to help... Or am I in
danger of intervening too much? Whatever happens is the only thing which could
have, and whoever turns up is the right people... 

I could go on... but I hope you get my gist.  

What do you do? How do you create the space in which everyone
who has a passion, no matter how scared they feel, comes forward with their
offer? How do you make that daunting threshold of speaking to a group, just so ‘right’
that no one feels too shy to come forward – if they want to come
forward...?  

All the best 

Jon 

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