Shy people... (?)

[Michael Herman]

i fully agree with what harrison is saying, and want to add another twist,
or two -- because i think "shy" isn't usually the issue at all.

i've definitely seen some previously/usually "shy" or "quiet" people step
forward and announce session(s).  but what i want to point out is that
"quiet" isn't always about "shy."  it gets painted that way, but that blames
or otherwise assigns responsibility for that to the individual, totally
absolving the leader and the operating system of the org.  even when leaders
want to do open space, are well-intentioned, and want to "help" these folks
come forward.

well, i've seen a lot more systems in which it didn't usually make sense for
people to speak out.  they weren't shy at all, but fed up, distrustful,
discouraged, dis-, un-, non-, whatever, etc... about the system and their
ability to make any difference in it at all.  so "quiet", in my experience,
almost never has anything to do with "shy".

one instance that comes to mind is a 250-youth-and-adult conference in
alaska on "becoming peacemakers".  the kids were all active participants in
mediation and other conflict resolution practices in the schools.  one group
of high school kids said nothing in the opening, and then retreated to the
most remote part of the space to sit around playing cards all day and
apparently goofing off -- not shy at all.  teachers fretted but we said,
"let 'em be."  at the end of the day those kids got on the buses with
everyone else after the evening news session, and ended up hearing that some
interesting things had happened.  the next day, morning news, they posted
topics and joined the party.  nobody ever called these young people shy.
some others said that they'd wasted a day by not participating.  but it
could also be said that they wisely tested the integrity of the system...
that said anyone could post or not, participate in sessions or not... to see
if they could really choose "not."  and when the space proved true and
honest and really open, they stepped right in.

so i always think it has more (or at least as much) to do with the system
than the person.  the system is bigger than the setup for the one meeting
and it's maybe going to take more than one meeting to change the system and
invite them to dare their passion.  that's fine.  whenever they dare is the
right time.  and in the meantime, that first meeting is the best possible
first step, for them and everyone else.

and here's another one... if people are really so shy and don't want to
speak up, why bother coming in the first place?  yes, of course, sometimes
attendance is more or less mandatory (it was in alaska, for those kids), or
perceived to be so... and especially in those situations, it's important to
give people a chance to attend but not speak up, it's the only shred of
voluntary self-selection we have at that moment.

so i agree with harrison, passionate people are not shy.  leaders sense
this... that's why they're always so nervous about what happens if "nobody
posts any sessions."  they're not afraid of finding out that everyone is
shy.  they're afraid of finding out that nobody cares.  but of course almost
*every* person cares about something and if they're still showing up to work
everyday, some of that caring is probably still being storied into something
about work.  so we (leaders/facilitators) have only to invite whatever
*that* story is.  over and over again -- until they all really believe and
trust our inviation.

meanwhile, when the active, well-meaning sponsor shows up and wants to help
the "shy" people, i suppose we could always just point out:  "it's not too
hard to make people bring their bodies to a meeting, but it's another thing
again to get them to trust and believe in the system.  what are the issues
and opportunities for making the whole system, the whole everyday
organization, more inviting?  more deserving of passion, more supportive of
those who'd step up and speak out?"  and then we find out if we've our
client/leader is a shy one, or not!

m



--

Michael Herman
Michael Herman Associates

http://MichaelHerman.com
http://RonanParkTrail.com
http://ManorNeighbors.com
http://ChicagoConservationCorps.org
http://OpenSpaceWorld.org

312-280-7838 (mobile)

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