Present . . . and . . .

Thu Nov 26 15:42:32 PST 2009

On Wed, Nov 25, 2009 at 5:47 PM, Tree Fitzpatrick
<therese.fitzpatrick at gmail.com> wrote:

> I am present, in the roll call.

As am I. Hi Tree! I don't presume I'm memorable, but we've met a few
times, and seeing you always brings a bit of delight to my experience
of an event.

Some comments are interspersed below...

> I would like to thank those persons who have written to me privately and
> thanked me for being willing to openly disclose my negative thoughts in some
> recent discussions. This is not new behavior for me.  I have never really
> had the same boundaries that other people have about what should remain
> private. I deeply believe that all my thoughts and feelings, along with the
> thoughts and feelings of anyone else in the circles I happen to find myself
> in, such as the oslist, are thoughts and feelings alive in the space. My
> thoughts and feelings are never unique to me.
>
> And it is a simple fact that ANY time I have voiced negative thoughts, in
> any circle, other people were thinking what I voiced.
>
> And it is an ongoing puzzlement to me that people thank me privately for
> speaking openly . . . but they do not speak openly themselves.

That is an interesting phenomenon. I even got a couple of private
emails thanking me for my one post in the Ning thread. But it's quite
natural, isn't it? In an open space with 620 people, there are bound
to be countless one-on-one side conversations. It's easier to approach
someone outside of the circle when things get heated.

I only posted myself at all because I decided I had a fairly
distinctive viewpoint -- being more technical than anyone else who had
posted. The funny thing is, I don't know Michael Herman at all and
don't know much about the OpenSpaceWorld.org website, but somehow
Kaliya's comments about him and it evoked a negative gut reaction for
me as a techie. So I tried to express that negative reaction in a way
that would also provide some concrete contribution to the
conversation. In part, at least, I had a nagging feeling that if I
didn't say anything, the group memory would record that the techie
viewpoint was solely critical of Michael, with Kaliya as its primary
representative.

(To be fair, Harold Shinsato is also a techie -- he and I met at a
techie Open Space just last month! -- Hi Harold! :) -- but anyway,
those were the thoughts in my head as I posted my message.)

> I feel, sometimes, a tyranny of the non-violent communicators. . . I feel
> that their good intentions often have what feels like a 'violent',
> suppressive influence on spaces . . . but they always seem to be perceived
> as good and my directness is often attacked as bad. . . and yet I know, and
> nothing will ever dissuade me from this truth, that my truth is always true
> for others in the circle.

I think that it's when the directness comes across as personal attacks
that I get uncomfortable. The way I perceived the Ning thread, Kaliya
made some statements, others challenged those statements, Kaliya got
frustrated and started personally attacking Michael, yet others called
her on it, and then you spoke with concern for Kaliya while turning
around and attacking others for expressing their discomfort.

While I'm not a big NVC advocate myself, I think one of the most
important insights, shared by pretty much all facilitation styles, is
that reality is quite different from any of our particular
perceptions. I don't much like the admonition to use "I statements",
but the essential thing -- especially in a big unfacilitated
conversation like a mailing list -- is to take ownership of my own
perceptions and not treat them as objective truth that everyone must
accept.

> And what does it mean when there are truths no one 'dares' to voice?  The
> energy still impacts the circle, still influences and affects. . . sunshine
> is the best disinfectant. It is always best to name what is in the shadows.

The interesting question for me is, whose shadows are they? I don't
mean this as a personal attack on you -- this is one of my biggest
personal struggles. I'm very shy and it's easy for me to get
frustrated with my interactions with someone. I'll withdraw into my
shell and internally characterize the other person negatively -- this
professor is "intimidating", that manager is "micro-managing". Feeling
isolated and alienated, it's easy to perceive a "shadow" covering the
whole situation. Why doesn't anyone else speak up about that person's
failings? Why doesn't the person realize their failings themselves?
But on reflection I think the shadow is cast by the shell I've
withdrawn into myself. The situation is not inherently negative, even
though my experience of it certainly is. And my negative experience is
certainly valid and worth speaking about.

> . . and I know this to be resolutely true and I am at peace when people
> attack me for being openly honest.
>
> I can live with such negative attacks.

Indeed, one of your primary points is that there should be space for
negativity, right? It's okay for you to be negative toward others, so
it must be okay for others to be negative toward you.

> And I can't help but feel wistful that the folks who support me in private
> would do so openly. Thanks for the private support.

Thanks for keeping this converation going. I hope I'll learn something
about my own interactions.

Cheers,
Justin

*
*
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>From  Fri Nov 27 00:53:20 2009
Message-Id: <FRI.27.NOV.2009.005320.0100.>
Date: Fri, 27 Nov 2009 00:53:20 +0100
Reply-To: thomas at openspaceconsulting.com
To: OSLIST <OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU>
From: Thomas Herrmann <thomas at openspaceconsulting.com>
Organization: Open Space Consulting
Subject: SV: A Thanksgiving Story with a link
In-Reply-To: <a36b0b7e0911251217rbc09682p5c5a93337e58161b at mail.gmail.com>
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Wow, Suzanne =96 thanks for sharing=20

A perfect story for me to read just before bedtime =96 which passed long =
ago
anyway =96 I would like to use your story as one among other examples I =
bring
to the trainings I facilitate. Around importance of time!

...and I think you are a great storyteller =96 just as are others on =
this
list!

Warm regards

Thomas

=20

  _____ =20

Fr=E5n: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU] F=F6r Suzanne =
Daigle
Skickat: den 25 november 2009 21:17
Till: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
=C4mne: A Thanksgiving Story with a link

=20

I hesitated before sharing this story but as I have found it to be so =
often
the case, it is just a way for me to pay it forward sharing my =
questions,
vulnerabilities, fears and joys. I owe so much to this wonderful =
community.
Its generosity, depth of insight, truth telling, healing, passion,
spiritedness, etc. makes me just happy to be alive.=20

Now to my story. A few months ago, I had the opportunity to participate =
in a
university/community leadership program over a six-week period with 6
seventy-five minute sessions featuring Margaret Wheatley's work with the
University of South Florida, St. Petersburg on community. Sharon Joy
Kleitsch who heads up The Connection Partners in Florida had asked if I
could help, indicating there might be an opportunity to do Open Space. =
The
program involved close to 50 students, 25+ community leaders and a dozen =
or
more faculty/staff members.

The first week was a chance for the group to engage with Margaret =
Wheatley
by Skype, second week was World Cafe and the third to fifth week, we did
Open Space closing in the 6th week by spending 4 hours with Meg Wheatley =
on
site in Florida.

When I was in Taiwan, I spoke to some experienced OS facilitators about =
the
wisdom of facilitating an Open Space in 75 minutes with this group. =
Gently
they suggested it might not be such a good idea because of the limited =
time;
perhaps I could engage the opening of conversations some other way.   =
Well,
I'd already committed so I decided we'd go ahead with it anyway.  =
Michele
Young (a co-facilitator) and I worked like crazy to imagine everything =
we
could do to give the participants maximum time during those 75 minutes. =
It
meant hours and hours of pre-work to have everything ready in order to
maintain the invisibility and intention of Open Space to self-organize =
and
for people to find their passion. Initially we didn't know we'd be doing =
3
sessions of Open Space.

In 10 minutes, each in our separate classrooms, Michele and I had =
introduced
attendees to the basics of Open Space.  We called it a "Mini Taste of =
Open
Space". Next they were writing their topics (nearly 50 in total; 25 in =
each
class); shopping the marketplace and before we knew it, there they were
intensely engaged in conversations.  In those 30 minutes or so, they =
shared
and even managed to summarize a few key points on flip chart sheets that
were immediately posted on the wall. We closed the circle and the =
comments
were touching and validating. We decided to repeat the experience the
following week allowing them to deepen their discussions.

In the second week with the entire group in 1 room, we re-opened the
marketplace, more topics were added and two more rounds of conversations
happened. Because the participants had not connected as a larger group =
yet,
there were fewer topics but the discussions did not appear to be less
spirited or intense.=20

In week 3, we did a convergence giving everyone 3 tickets asking them to
identify which topics/projects they had the most passion for and which =
might
be most feasible and have the most impact in creating a Sustainable =
Tampa
Bay community which was our theme. Ten top topics emerged and from this =
more
discussions and some quick action plans.
=20
In summary, three weeks of Open Space created opportunities for =
connecting
with others on community issues that people were passionate about,
generating 60 topics, 25 summary reports and 10 action plans.

The final week, Margaret Wheatley spent face-to-face time with the group
engaging them in personal leadership conversations and inspiring them =
with
examples of community leadership work around the world .=20

How do I feel today looking back at this Open Space experience?  Mixed. =
Yes
it was magical to have people get so engaged, so fast and to see them in
diverse groups sharing and talking.  Yes the feedback from the =
participants
was heartwarming. But then, how hard it was to see them have so little =
time
even though I know they were moved and touched by the opportunity they =
had
to connect, no matter how short.=20

Having just spent two and a half days as a participant in Open Space in
Taiwan before this work and then another two and a half days in Toronto
afterwards, I was able to compare how and what it felt like to have more
time. Each of these experiences, in their purest intention and utter
simplicity, taught me so much. I realized that to change a world, create
real passion, drive action requires time: time to connect, time to =
discover,
time to think, to share and to celebrate, to trust and to take personal
responsibility.  Our intentions were good with the university project =
but
now I feel I owe it to myself and this wonderful Open Space community to
shoot for the moon and try my best to invite people to give themselves =
this
precious gift of time -- helping them choose to open space in their =
lives.
It's not easy to do especially when we know that we can never truly
understand what Open Space is all about until you live it therefore hard =
for
leaders and others to commit time and money. Yes, I will continue to =
settle
for less sometimes but as sure as can be, I will try harder to offer =
more.=20

Hopefully by continuing to share our stories, capture the images and
speaking with courage what we believe to be true, more people will see =
the
benefit of opening space in their lives so we can enjoy life and not be =
so
stressed by life. Then it will truly be a joyful "dance"  -- this dance =
of
chaos and order.=20

Again sorry for being so long winded! Felt it was a "harvest" story =
worth
sharing on this Thanksgiving eve.=20

=20
<http://www.authorstream.com/Presentation/daigle_Suzanne-268460-usf-sp-wh=
eat
ley-leadership-series-connection-parners-education-ppt-%C2%A0>
http://www.authorstream.com/Presentation/daigle_Suzanne-268460-usf-sp-whe=
atl
ey-leadership-series-connection-parners-education-ppt-=20

=20
<http://www.authorstream.com/Presentation/daigle_Suzanne-268460-usf-sp-wh=
eat
ley-leadership-series-connection-parners-education-ppt-%C2%A0>=20

Suzanne

--=20
Suzanne Daigle
NuFocus Strategic Group
7159 Victoria Circle
University Park, FL 34201
FL 941-359-8877;  CT 203-722-2009
www.nufocusgroup.com
s.daigle at nufocusgroup.com

 =20

  * * =
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OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU ------------------------------ To =
subscribe,
unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of
oslist at listserv.boisestate.edu:
http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html To learn about
OpenSpaceEmailLists and OSLIST FAQs: =
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<div class=3DSection1>

<p class=3DMsoNormal><font size=3D4 face=3DGaramond><span =
style=3D'font-size:14.0pt;
font-family:Garamond'>Wow, Suzanne – thanks for sharing =
<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>

A perfect story for me to read just before bedtime =
–
which passed long ago anyway – I would like to use your story as =
one
among other examples I bring to the trainings I facilitate. Around =
importance
of time!<o:p></o:p>

<p class=3DMsoNormal><font size=3D4 face=3DGaramond><span =
style=3D'font-size:14.0pt;
font-family:Garamond'>...and I think you are a great storyteller – =
just as
are others on this list!<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>

<p class=3DMsoNormal><font size=3D4 face=3DGaramond><span =
style=3D'font-size:14.0pt;
font-family:Garamond'>Warm regards<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>

<p class=3DMsoNormal><font size=3D4 face=3DGaramond><span =
style=3D'font-size:14.0pt;
font-family:Garamond'>Thomas<o:p></o:p></span></font></p>

<p class=3DMsoNormal><font size=3D4 face=3DGaramond><span =
style=3D'font-size:14.0pt;
font-family:Garamond'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p>

<div>

<div class=3DMsoNormal align=3Dcenter style=3D'text-align:center'><font =
size=3D3
face=3D"Times New Roman"><span lang=3DSV style=3D'font-size:12.0pt'>

<hr size=3D2 width=3D"100%" align=3Dcenter tabindex=3D-1>

</span></font></div>

<p class=3DMsoNormal><b><font size=3D2 face=3DTahoma><span lang=3DSV =
style=3D'font-size:
10.0pt;font-family:Tahoma;font-weight:bold'>Fr=E5n:</span></font></b><fon=
t
size=3D2 face=3DTahoma><span lang=3DSV =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Tahoma'> <st1:PersonName
w:st=3D"on">OSLIST</st1:PersonName> [mailto:<st1:PersonName =
w:st=3D"on">OSLIST</st1:PersonName>@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU]
<b><span style=3D'font-weight:bold'>F=F6r </span></b>Suzanne Daigle<br>
<b><span style=3D'font-weight:bold'>Skickat:</span></b> den 25 november =
2009
21:17<br>
<b><span style=3D'font-weight:bold'>Till:</span></b> <st1:PersonName =
w:st=3D"on">OSLIST</st1:PersonName>@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU<br>
<b><span style=3D'font-weight:bold'>=C4mne:</span></b> A Thanksgiving =
Story with a
link</span></font><span lang=3DSV><o:p></o:p></span></p>

</div>

<p class=3DMsoNormal><font size=3D3 face=3D"Times New Roman"><span =
style=3D'font-size:
12.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></font></p>

I hesitated before sharing this story but as I have found it to =
be so
often the case, it is just a way for me to pay it forward sharing my =
questions,
vulnerabilities, fears and joys. I owe so much to this wonderful =
community. Its
generosity, depth of insight, truth telling, healing, passion, =
spiritedness,
etc. makes me just happy to be alive. 
 
Now to my story. A few months ago, I had the opportunity to participate =
in a
university/community leadership program over a six-week period with 6
seventy-five minute sessions featuring Margaret Wheatley's work with the =
<st1:PlaceType
w:st=3D"on">University</st1:PlaceType> of <st1:PlaceName =
w:st=3D"on">South Florida</st1:PlaceName>,
<st1:City w:st=3D"on"><st1:place w:st=3D"on">St. =
Petersburg</st1:place></st1:City>
on community. Sharon Joy Kleitsch who heads up The Connection Partners =
in <st1:State
w:st=3D"on"><st1:place w:st=3D"on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State> had =
asked if I
could help, indicating there might be an opportunity to do Open Space. =
The
program involved close to 50 students, 25+ community leaders and a dozen =
or
more faculty/staff members. 
 
The first week was a chance for the group to engage with Margaret =
Wheatley by
Skype, second week was World Cafe and the third to fifth week, we did =
Open
Space closing in the 6th week by spending 4 hours with Meg Wheatley on =
site in <st1:State
w:st=3D"on"><st1:place w:st=3D"on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State>. 
 
When I was in <st1:country-region w:st=3D"on"><st1:place =
w:st=3D"on">Taiwan</st1:place></st1:country-region>,
I spoke to some experienced OS facilitators about the wisdom of =
facilitating an
Open Space in 75 minutes with this group. Gently they suggested it might =
not be
such a good idea because of the limited time; perhaps I could engage the
opening of conversations some other way.   Well, I'd already
committed so I decided we'd go ahead with it anyway.  Michele Young =
(a co-facilitator)
and I worked like crazy to imagine everything we could do to give the
participants maximum time during those 75 minutes. It meant hours and =
hours of
pre-work to have everything ready in order to maintain the invisibility =
and
intention of Open Space to self-organize and for people to find their =
passion.
Initially we didn't know we'd be doing 3 sessions of Open Space. 
 
In 10 minutes, each in our separate classrooms, Michele and I had =
introduced
attendees to the basics of Open Space.  We called it a "Mini =
Taste of
Open Space". Next they were writing their topics (nearly =
<st1:metricconverter
ProductID=3D"50 in" w:st=3D"on">50 in</st1:metricconverter> total; =
<st1:metricconverter
ProductID=3D"25 in" w:st=3D"on">25 in</st1:metricconverter> each class); =
shopping
the marketplace and before we knew it, there they were intensely engaged =
in
conversations.  In those 30 minutes or so, they shared and even =
managed to
summarize a few key points on flip chart sheets that were immediately =
posted on
the wall. We closed the circle and the comments were touching and =
validating.
We decided to repeat the experience the following week allowing them to =
deepen
their discussions. 
 
In the second week with the entire group in 1 room, we re-opened the
marketplace, more topics were added and two more rounds of conversations
happened. Because the participants had not connected as a larger group =
yet,
there were fewer topics but the discussions did not appear to be less =
spirited
or intense. 
 
In week 3, we did a convergence giving everyone 3 tickets asking them to
identify which topics/projects they had the most passion for and which =
might be
most feasible and have the most impact in creating a <st1:place =
w:st=3D"on"><st1:PlaceName
 w:st=3D"on">Sustainable</st1:PlaceName> <st1:PlaceName =
w:st=3D"on">Tampa</st1:PlaceName>
 <st1:PlaceType w:st=3D"on">Bay</st1:PlaceType></st1:place> community =
which was
our theme. Ten top topics emerged and from this more discussions and =
some quick
action plans. 
  
In summary, three weeks of Open Space created opportunities for =
connecting with
others on community issues that people were passionate about, generating =
60
topics, 25 summary reports and 10 action plans. 
 
The final week, Margaret Wheatley spent face-to-face time with the group
engaging them in personal leadership conversations and inspiring them =
with
examples of community leadership work around the world . 
 
How do I feel today looking back at this Open Space experience?  =
Mixed.
Yes it was magical to have people get so engaged, so fast and to see =
them in
diverse groups sharing and talking.  Yes the feedback from the =
participants
was heartwarming. But then, how hard it was to see them have so little =
time
even though I know they were moved and touched by the opportunity they =
had to
connect, no matter how short. 
 
Having just spent two and a half days as a participant in Open Space in =
Taiwan
before this work and then another two and a half days in Toronto =
afterwards, I
was able to compare how and what it felt like to have more time. Each of =
these
experiences, in their purest intention and utter simplicity, taught me =
so much.
I realized that to change a world, create real passion, drive action =
requires
time: time to connect, time to discover, time to think, to share and to
celebrate, to trust and to take personal responsibility.  Our =
intentions
were good with the university project but now I feel I owe it to myself =
and
this wonderful Open Space community to shoot for the moon and try my =
best to
invite people to give themselves this precious gift of time -- helping =
them
choose to open space in their lives. It's not easy to do especially when =
we
know that we can never truly understand what Open Space is all about =
until you
live it therefore hard for leaders and others to commit time and money. =
Yes, I
will continue to settle for less sometimes but as sure as can be, I will =
try
harder to offer more. 
 
Hopefully by continuing to share our stories, capture the images and =
speaking
with courage what we believe to be true, more people will see the =
benefit of
opening space in their lives so we can enjoy life and not be so stressed =
by
life. Then it will truly be a joyful "dance"  -- this =
dance of
chaos and order. 
 
Again sorry for being so long winded! Felt it was a "harvest" =
story
worth sharing on this Thanksgiving eve. 
 
 
<o:p></o:p>

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<br>
Suzanne<br>
<br>
<br clear=3Dall>
<br>
-- <br>
Suzanne Daigle<br>
NuFocus Strategic Group<br>
<st1:Street w:st=3D"on"><st1:address w:st=3D"on">7159 Victoria =
Circle</st1:address></st1:Street><br>
<st1:place w:st=3D"on"><st1:City w:st=3D"on">University Park</st1:City>, =
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FL 941-359-8877;  CT 203-722-2009<br>
<a href=3D"http://www.nufocusgroup.com" =
target=3D"_blank">www.nufocusgroup.com</a><br>
<a href=3D"mailto:s.daigle at nufocusgroup.com" =
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<br>
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