Opening Space for Memories

[Harrison Owen]

Last week an old friend died. The family asked me to take the funeral and as
an old preacher (yes it is true :-)), I of course agreed. But this was not
your usual situation. The family was large and the circle of friends,
colleagues and associates much larger. What stood out was the incredible
diversity of traditions and interests. The family itself ran the gamut from
practicing Protestants through non-practicing whatevers, on to deeply
religious orthodox (Jewish) folks. Everybody had their needs, and everybody
had their opinions as to how things should be done. Negotiating all of that
would have been difficult under the best of circumstances, and given the
fact that this was a funeral, extended time for negotiation was not
available. What to do?

 

Open Space - of course, and just know that the incredible complexity of
peoples, needs, and expectations would find appropriate expression. Sitting
in a circle was not an option, for the funeral was to take place in a rather
standard "chapel" setting - rows of seats facing the front. But you don't
have to sit in a circle in order to be in a circle. Indeed a circle of the
mind will do. 

 

I began by saying who I was (most people didn't know me from Adam) and that
we were here to celebrate the life of our friend as the circle of friends.
Our celebration would involve sharing our memories. I pointed out that while
we sometimes think of memories as being all about what we have lost, the
truth was rather different. Indeed memories are the only thing we ever
really have. As the present instant passes, it merges into the larger moment
of our memories, and our memories create the rich tapestry of human
experience. It will be our privilege to unroll that tapestry. And so we
began.

 

There was a list of sorts indicating who might speak, but I didn't have a
clue who they were or what they would say. I was aware that we had one hour,
I knew that time would be honored, and I sat down. Family member followed
colleagues and friends. Each spoke in their own way for their own time. We
went from laughter to tears, and back to laughter, pausing for deep silent
moments. At the precise end of the hour, the last person sat down. I said a
short blessing and we left.

 

It took a while for the family and friends to make their way out the door,
and I snuck out a back door to enjoy my pipe on the street. As I stood
there, somebody I had never seen before came up and asked me what was going
on inside. I said we were having a funeral. But, he said, they are all
laughing. I didn't expect him to understand my reply, but I responded - Yes
I know. It's the memories.

 

I would certainly not recommend that all funerals be such as we did, but I
am sure that is just the way I would like to go. Be that as it may, my
purpose for sharing this story here is not so much about funerals but open
space, and the ways in which space may be opened in each and every moment of
our lives. I find that when we do that the course of events passes naturally
from laughter to tears and back to laughter, stopping along the way for deep
silent moments. It is all about creating the space for rich living. I think
that is what we do.

 

Harrison

 

Harrison Owen

7808 River Falls Drive

Potomac, Maryland   20854

Phone 301-365-2093

Skype hhowen

Open Space Training  <http://www.openspaceworld.com/> www.openspaceworld.com


Open Space Institute  <http://www.openspaceworld.org/>
www.openspaceworld.org

Personal website  <http://www.ho-image.com/> www.ho-image.com 

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