Opening Space for Memories

Wed Dec 12 10:40:30 PST 2007

Harrison,

Your description of the funeral is very similar to Quaker funerals.  Quakers
call them "Meeting for Worship with Attention to Death".  It's held just
like a regular Quaker meeting for worship: people come in and sit in
silence, and when someone feels "moved by the spirit" to speak, they stand
up, speak briefly, and then sit down again.  When the time is right, a
pre-designated person turns to the person next to them and shakes their hand
in order to end the meeting.  I've been to a few of these funerals, and they
are truly lovely, because you see all different facets of the person, told
by people who knew the person in many different ways.

Jennifer Hurley
__________________________
HURLEY~FRANKS & ASSOCIATES
1429 Walnut St STE 601  |  Philadelphia, PA 19102
p: 215-988-9440  |  f: 215-988-9441  |  c: 267-971-4598
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On 12/12/07 1:29 PM, "Harrison Owen" <hhowen at verizon.net> wrote:

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> Last week an old friend died. The family asked me to take the funeral =
> and as
> an old preacher (yes it is true :-)), I of course agreed. But this was =
> not
> your usual situation. The family was large and the circle of friends,
> colleagues and associates much larger. What stood out was the incredible
> diversity of traditions and interests. The family itself ran the gamut =
> from
> practicing Protestants through non-practicing whatevers, on to deeply
> religious orthodox (Jewish) folks. Everybody had their needs, and =
> everybody
> had their opinions as to how things should be done. Negotiating all of =
> that
> would have been difficult under the best of circumstances, and given the
> fact that this was a funeral, extended time for negotiation was not
> available. What to do?
> 
> =20
> 
> Open Space - of course, and just know that the incredible complexity of
> peoples, needs, and expectations would find appropriate expression. =
> Sitting
> in a circle was not an option, for the funeral was to take place in a =
> rather
> standard "chapel" setting - rows of seats facing the front. But you =
> don't
> have to sit in a circle in order to be in a circle. Indeed a circle of =
> the
> mind will do.=20
> 
> =20
> 
> I began by saying who I was (most people didn't know me from Adam) and =
> that
> we were here to celebrate the life of our friend as the circle of =
> friends.
> Our celebration would involve sharing our memories. I pointed out that =
> while
> we sometimes think of memories as being all about what we have lost, the
> truth was rather different. Indeed memories are the only thing we ever
> really have. As the present instant passes, it merges into the larger =
> moment
> of our memories, and our memories create the rich tapestry of human
> experience. It will be our privilege to unroll that tapestry. And so we
> began.
> 
> =20
> 
> There was a list of sorts indicating who might speak, but I didn't have =
> a
> clue who they were or what they would say. I was aware that we had one =
> hour,
> I knew that time would be honored, and I sat down. Family member =
> followed
> colleagues and friends. Each spoke in their own way for their own time. =
> We
> went from laughter to tears, and back to laughter, pausing for deep =
> silent
> moments. At the precise end of the hour, the last person sat down. I =
> said a
> short blessing and we left.
> 
> =20
> 
> It took a while for the family and friends to make their way out the =
> door,
> and I snuck out a back door to enjoy my pipe on the street. As I stood
> there, somebody I had never seen before came up and asked me what was =
> going
> on inside. I said we were having a funeral. But, he said, they are all
> laughing. I didn't expect him to understand my reply, but I responded - =
> Yes
> I know. It's the memories.
> 
> =20
> 
> I would certainly not recommend that all funerals be such as we did, but =
> I
> am sure that is just the way I would like to go. Be that as it may, my
> purpose for sharing this story here is not so much about funerals but =
> open
> space, and the ways in which space may be opened in each and every =
> moment of
> our lives. I find that when we do that the course of events passes =
> naturally
> from laughter to tears and back to laughter, stopping along the way for =
> deep
> silent moments. It is all about creating the space for rich living. I =
> think
> that is what we do.
> 
> =20
> 
> Harrison
> 
> =20
> 
> Harrison Owen
> 
> 7808 River Falls Drive
> 
> Potomac, Maryland   20854
> 
> Phone 301-365-2093
> 
> Skype hhowen
> 
> Open Space Training  <http://www.openspaceworld.com/> =
> www.openspaceworld.com
> 
> 
> Open Space Institute  <http://www.openspaceworld.org/>
> www.openspaceworld.org
> 
> Personal website  <http://www.ho-image.com/> www.ho-image.com=20
> 
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