Opening space for death

Christine Whitney Sanchez milagro27 at cox.net
Sun Aug 26 19:59:38 PDT 2007


Dear Wendy,
 
Thank you so much for your beautiful stories.  The way you worded the
opening for your mother-in-law's funeral illuminates the deep wisdom in the
principles and process of Open Space and calls me to consider other ways
that Open Space can be adapted to the life-cycle.  I wonder if my mother,
who has made it clear that she doesn't want a typical funeral, might be open
to an open time and space.
 
A couple of years ago, when my husband and I were struggling to stay in
communication with our teenage son, we held family meetings in Open Space.
Our hormone-laden son also grooved on the posting of his issues and the
power inherent in the law of two feet.  We found that the issues that he
posted were often the subjects we most wanted to discuss - the difference
was obviously that he was in charge of bringing up those topics and
therefore he took responsibility in a totally different way.
 
Warmly from slightly cooler, wet Phoenix,
 
Christine
 
 
Christine Whitney Sanchez
CWS - Collaborative Wisdom & Strategy
2717 E. Mountain Sky Avenue
Phoenix, AZ  85048-8990
480.759.0262
www.christinewhitneysanchez.com <http://www.christinewhitneysanchez.com/>  
 
 

  _____  

From: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU] On Behalf Of Wendy
Farmer-O'Neil
Sent: Thursday, August 23, 2007 1:13 AM
To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
Subject: Opening space for death



Well, it seems like I have been doing little else these days.  And while
we've been talking about circles of life and mutations of the form, I
thought I'd share a bit about my experiences over the past 8 months.

 

In November my Grandfather died.  I had offered to do something for the
celebration of his life and my Grandmother courageously took me up on it-she
had no idea what OS was, just trusted me.  She had a lot of fear that no one
would stand up and speak.  She had been to a traditional celebration not
long before and no one had shared anything.  I designed a blend of whole
person process and OST that I have blogged about in detail here
(http://wordgravity.blogspot.com/2006/11/open-space-memorial.html ).  People
shared deeply from their hearts-including many who thought they wouldn't be
able to.  

 

Then in April, my mother-in-law died.  The news arrived at 7:00 pm Tuesday,
on the evening of the first day of Open Space training session here on
Gabriola with Raffi.  Within an hour my husband was off on his way across
the country to join his family.  Raffi went above and beyond to keep things
running smoothly and me together over the next week.  The funeral was
scheduled for Saturday morning.  I had done a lot of reading and knew that
it was important for my children and I to remember their Gramma at the same
time-some way of being a family together.  But what to do?  I had sixteen
years of ministerial experience with plenty of ceremonial and ritual
background, but what could I do that would be meaningful to two
six-year-olds and a three-year-old?  Open Space has become my touchstone, so
I wondered: Could I adapt OST for our funeral?  Well, as it turned out, yes.
And this is how it went:

 

Ring the bells.

Form a circle.

Welcome to our time and space to remember Gramma.

We are thinking of Daddy and while he isn't here, we are just the right
people to remember Gramma right now, right here.

We don't know when a life first begins, but whenever it begins is the right
time.

We don't know when a life will end, but when it's over, it's over.

And what happens in between is the only thing that could have happened.

Our life together is about learning and contributing and Gramma has gone now
to where she can keep doing that.  

Our space is open for sharing our thoughts and feelings about Gramma.

Time for everyone to share.

Placing flowers and pictures.

Form a circle so we can all see each other and feel each other.

Ring the bells.

 

I was amazed at how easily it translated.  Shouldn't really have been
surprised.  I know it might seem a little bare, but when you are in deep
grieving, those few words seem to take on so much more weight.  It seemed to
work for my children, brought them some comfort and closure.  And I got to
try it out again when our cat (16) died last month in the heat wave.  Seemed
to work just as well the second time.

 

I didn't ever intend to become experienced in open space and death.  But
life seems to have other ideas.  Two of my clients are hospices.  

 

So this is a bit off the beaten track, but we often talk about living in
open space.  This is just one little example of death in it.  And I know
that some of us out there are working on integrating our open space life
with our family life and this is one example of how I have used it with my
children.  I have also used OST (Stammtische-style) for family meetings and
while the three-year-old usually uses his two feet and is a butterfly, the
six-year-olds totally groove on the post-its and the power. Hope it helps or
inspires.

 

Cheers,

Wendy 

 

Wendy Farmer-O'Neil

Prospera Communications & Consulting Services

250.713.2351/1.800.713.2351

weblog: www.wordgravity.blogspot.com

 


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