A Quiet Time

[Birgitt Williams]

>From my perspective, this topic of touching cannot be looked at from the
perspective of the facilitator’s needs, wants and motivation(s) for
outcome in a meeting. I encourage facilitators to look at their needs,
wants, and motivations for a meeting so that they each can figure out
for themselves whether these needs, wants, and motivations might
actually be what closes the space for participants (some or all).
 
Years ago I was taught a big lesson. I facilitated an OST for about 300
people, all of whom were on medications, all of whom had bipolar
disorder or schizophrenia. And all of whom were leaders in their
communities and incredible people. The side effects of the medications
and of their illnesses had an effect on all that happened in the 3 day
event. They found a way of working around it all to achieve what they
wanted to achieve. They were remarkable. I was deeply moved. At the
closing, I did something that I had learned from Harrison. After the
microphone had gone around the circle for comments, I had everyone stand
up and hold hands as the start of a closing to the event. We then did a
the exercise of paying attention to the energy inside of the circle of
us, and then turning 180 degrees to feel that energy at our backs as we
went out into the world. When it was all done, a woman came up to me and
in a rage said “Do not ever do that to another human being again. I had
had a wonderful time here until you asked us to touch. And then it was
destroyed for me. I cannot touch another person. It is my story and it
has roots in my childhood and in my illness. By asking us to hold hands,
I had a choice...to be part of what the group was doing and feeling
violated by it, or not participating and feeling awful about
that....neither option was okay for me. YOU (and she shouted) have NO
IDEA of what anyone’s personal story is so you should never do this to a
group again...to ask them to hold hands. You just don’t know what is
going on for someone and by asking me to hold hands, you invaded my
space.”
 
And since then, I have never asked people to touch. 
 
Birgitt
 
-----Original Message-----
From: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU] On Behalf Of Jack
Ricchiuto
Sent: Saturday, March 04, 2006 12:03 PM
To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
Subject: Re: A Quiet Time
 
Thanks for the reflections on touching. For me, it’s part of a larger
conversation on quality of contact. It starts with presence to the
emotional experience of others — am I present to that? It continues with
eye contact, which for some people can be as connecting or intrusive as
touch and hugs. So, for me a question is, How do we touch each other
with eyes, words, hands in a way that opens the space?


Jack


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jack ricchiuto
two.one.six/three.seven.three/seven.four.seven.five
www.designinglife.com / www.appreciativeleadership.com
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