AB (advanced butterfly). . . pain of exclusion
Tree Fitzpatrick
tree.fitzpatrick at gmail.com
Thu Aug 17 08:01:14 PDT 2006
one more thought on exclusion in OS. . .
The people who are convening a private session need to be clear within
themselves. Some of the pain of exclusion is rooted, I believe, in the
Advanced Butterfly's impulse to be secretive. . . this impulse might be
rooted in a desire to shield those who are excluded from pain. . . . but my
point, I think?, is that one should strive to not shield other's from pain.
.. trying to be secretive to spare another's feelings is, in a way,
hijacking that other person's exeprience. The private session convenor can
and should only do what he/she feels called to do within her/himself. . .
s/he should not try to control the experience of others, including the
excluded.
On 8/17/06, Tree Fitzpatrick <tree.fitzpatrick at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Reading Peggy's comments about my comments (we are such brilliant women,
> eh?!) leads me to talk a little bit more about my 'pain of exclusion'.
>
>
> Yes, I have been stung by the pain of exclusion, in OS and in life. No, I
> do not like the sting. Yes, I would prefer that no one ever make any
> choices that are not exactly the choices I wish them to make. Here is a way
> to help me face the pain of exclusion if you are going to choose to exclude
> me: be direct and honest with me, be loving to me as you are direct and
> honest. If you love me, mention it when you are telling me you are not
> inviting me to a private session. If you are organizing a secret, private
> session and you aren't even talking to me because you think I won't be hurt
> if I don't know, please think again. I will feel the dissonant energy even
> if I do not consciously know you are excluding me. . . and I think most
> people feel this kind of dissonant energy (altho not everyone is as adept as
> I am at discerning it). The impulse to shield me from my pain tends to hurt
> me more than the gift of loving honesty.
>
> Do not dishonor the people you are excluding by being secretive. Be
> open. Be, of course, kind and loving as you exclude. "I am sorry, Tree,
> but I cannot invite you to this circle." is a lot easier for me to hear than
> to just be shut out without a word. I don't suggest that everyone should go
> around making a point of telling me about all the things at which I am not
> welcome. . . but if we are in the same energy field and you are excluding
> me, at least send me a love ray, a loving thought in my direction. Sending
> me a love ray as you exclude me would be a healing balm for the giver and
> the receiver, even if all of it is done silently or, even, unconsciously.
>
> I am now thinking about something that happened at the NCDD event. I had
> met a new friend at another conference and was happy to see her again (she
> was presenter at NCDD). I went out for a night on the town in San Francisco
> with a group of people and I had the impulse to invite my new friend. Since
> I had not organized this party, I asked the person who had invited me if I
> could invite my new friend. Yes, I was told, invite the new friend but
> don't invite . . . so-and-so. The pain of exclusion. My new friend
> declined my invitation because I could not invite her friend. Ouch.
>
> We all know the pain of exclusion, as Peggy has indicated. Perhaps it is
> an escapable fact of being human. If it is an inescapable fact of being
> human, then, perhaps, it is alive -- and should be alive -- in OS. There is
> a remedy to the pain of exclusion: love.
>
> And, at least for me, honesty. I am, more or less, a grown up. I have to
> accept all kinds of things I would prefer not to accept in life. I can
> accept exclusion: but it is much easier to accept it when it is done
> forthrightly and, whenever possible, with love.
>
> Say, I turned 53 yesterday. I had one of the best birthdays of my life
> yesterday. And I am being taken out to lunch today by another friend
> because I couldn't squeeze her in yesterday and then treated to some
> bodywork by another friend because she wanted to give it to me yesterday but
> I was all booked up. And then on Friday. . . suffice it to say, I am not
> feeling excluded about anything this week.
>
*
*
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