AB (advanced butterfly). . . pain of exclusion

[Tree Fitzpatrick]

Reading Peggy's comments about my comments (we are such brilliant women,
eh?!) leads me to talk a little bit more about my 'pain of exclusion'.


Yes, I have been stung by the pain of exclusion, in OS and in life.  No, I
do not like the sting.  Yes, I would prefer that no one ever make any
choices that are not exactly the choices I wish them to make.  Here is a way
to help me face the pain of exclusion if you are going to choose to exclude
me:  be direct and honest with me, be loving to me as you are direct and
honest.  If you love me, mention it when you are telling me you are not
inviting me to a private session.  If you are organizing a secret, private
session and you aren't even talking to me because you think I won't be hurt
if I don't know, please think again.  I will feel the dissonant energy even
if I do not consciously know you are excluding me. . . and I think most
people feel this kind of dissonant energy (altho not everyone is as adept as
I am at discerning it).  The impulse to shield me from my pain tends to hurt
me more than the gift of loving honesty.

Do not dishonor the people you are excluding by being secretive.  Be open.
Be, of course, kind and loving as you exclude.  "I am sorry, Tree, but I
cannot invite you to this circle." is a lot easier for me to hear than to
just be shut out without a word. I don't suggest that everyone should go
around making a point of telling me about all the things at which I am not
welcome. . . but if we are in the same energy field and you are excluding
me, at least send me a love ray, a loving thought in my direction. Sending
me a love ray as you exclude me would be a healing balm for the giver and
the receiver, even if all of it is done silently or, even, unconsciously.

I am now thinking about something that happened at the NCDD event.  I had
met a new friend at another conference and was happy to see her again (she
was presenter at NCDD).  I went out for a night on the town in San Francisco
with a group of people and I had the impulse to invite my new friend.  Since
I had not organized this party, I asked the person who had invited me if I
could invite my new friend.  Yes, I was told, invite the new friend but
don't invite . . . so-and-so.  The pain of exclusion.  My new friend
declined my invitation because I could not invite her friend.  Ouch.

We all know the pain of exclusion, as Peggy has indicated.  Perhaps it is an
escapable fact of being human.  If it is an inescapable fact of being human,
then, perhaps, it is alive -- and should be alive -- in OS.  There is a
remedy to the pain of exclusion:  love.

And, at least for me, honesty.  I am, more or less, a grown up.  I have to
accept all kinds of things I would prefer not to accept in life.  I can
accept exclusion: but it is much easier to accept it when it is done
forthrightly and, whenever possible, with love.

Say, I turned 53 yesterday.  I had one of the best birthdays of my life
yesterday.  And I am being taken out to lunch today by another friend
because I couldn't squeeze her in yesterday and then treated to some
bodywork by another friend because she wanted to give it to me yesterday but
I was all booked up.  And then on Friday. . . suffice it to say, I am not
feeling excluded about anything this week.

*
*
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