one more thought on exclusion in OS. . .<br>
<br>
The people who are convening a private session need to be clear within
themselves. Some of the pain of exclusion is rooted, I believe,
in the Advanced Butterfly's impulse to be secretive. . . this impulse
might be rooted in a desire to shield those who are excluded from pain.
. . . but my point, I think?, is that one should strive to not shield
other's from pain. .. trying to be secretive to spare another's
feelings is, in a way, hijacking that other person's exeprience.
The private session convenor can and should only do what he/she feels
called to do within her/himself. . . s/he should not try to control the
experience of others, including the excluded.<br><br><div><span class="gmail_quote">On 8/17/06, <b class="gmail_sendername">Tree Fitzpatrick</b> <<a href="mailto:tree.fitzpatrick@gmail.com">tree.fitzpatrick@gmail.com</a>
> wrote:</span><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="border-left: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); margin: 0pt 0pt 0pt 0.8ex; padding-left: 1ex;"><div>Reading Peggy's comments about my comments (we are such brilliant
women, eh?!) leads me to talk a little bit more about my 'pain of
exclusion'.<br>
<br>
<br>
Yes, I have been stung by the pain of exclusion, in OS and in
life. No, I do not like the sting. Yes, I would prefer that
no one ever make any choices that are not exactly the choices I wish
them to make. Here is a way to help me face the pain of exclusion
if you are going to choose to exclude me: be direct and honest
with me, be loving to me as you are direct and honest. If you
love me, mention it when you are telling me you are not inviting me to
a private session. If you are organizing a secret, private
session and you aren't even talking to me because you think I won't be
hurt if I don't know, please think again. I will feel the
dissonant energy even if I do not consciously know you are excluding
me. . . and I think most people feel this kind of dissonant energy
(altho not everyone is as adept as I am at discerning it). The
impulse to shield me from my pain tends to hurt me more than the gift
of loving honesty.<br>
<br>
Do not dishonor the people you are excluding by being secretive.
Be open. Be, of course, kind and loving as you exclude. "I
am sorry, Tree, but I cannot invite you to this circle." is a lot
easier for me to hear than to just be shut out without a word. I don't
suggest that everyone should go around making a point of telling me
about all the things at which I am not welcome. . . but if we are in
the same energy field and you are excluding me, at least send me a love
ray, a loving thought in my direction. Sending me a love ray as you
exclude me would be a healing balm for the giver and the receiver, even
if all of it is done silently or, even, unconsciously.<br>
<br>
I am now thinking about something that happened at the NCDD
event. I had met a new friend at another conference and was happy
to see her again (she was presenter at NCDD). I went out for a
night on the town in San Francisco with a group of people and I had the
impulse to invite my new friend. Since I had not organized this
party, I asked the person who had invited me if I could invite my new
friend. Yes, I was told, invite the new friend but don't invite .
. . so-and-so. The pain of exclusion. My new friend
declined my invitation because I could not invite her friend.
Ouch.<br>
<br>
We all know the pain of exclusion, as Peggy has indicated.
Perhaps it is an escapable fact of being human. If it is an
inescapable fact of being human, then, perhaps, it is alive -- and
should be alive -- in OS. There is a remedy to the pain of
exclusion: love.<br>
<br>
And, at least for me, honesty. I am, more or less, a grown
up. I have to accept all kinds of things I would prefer not to
accept in life. I can accept exclusion: but it is much easier to
accept it when it is done forthrightly and, whenever possible, with
love.<br>
<br>
Say, I turned 53 yesterday. I had one of the best birthdays of my
life yesterday. And I am being taken out to lunch today by
another friend because I couldn't squeeze her in yesterday and then
treated to some bodywork by another friend because she wanted to give
it to me yesterday but I was all booked up. And then on Friday. .
. suffice it to say, I am not feeling excluded about anything this week.<br>
</div></blockquote></div><br>
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