attempt at an answer

[Raffi Aftandelian]

Dear Harrison, (for now) anonymous subscriber who replied offlist, and
everyone else,

I want to thank you, Harrison and (for now) anonymous subscriber for
your replies. I found them really helpful. I would shake your hand if
I could, and I would hug the anonymous subscriber. I continue to enjoy this
list and its generosity in putting up with my "antics."

As for me being aggravating but mostly making you smile, that's what
one ex-girlfriend used to say about me, albeit in slightly less polite
language...

Believe it or not, I do try to be responsible in this space and take
what I write here very seriously. There have been times when I have
chosen not to post here. It didn't feel right. And I can't say right
now that I regret what I have written here before even if it was
absolutely wrong, offensive or whatever.

Perhaps "Buddha-killing" is an art and I don't have the arsenal of
weapons for the task. Or it's not the right time for it.

Some say I am a good listener. I can say that as one who has started
living in OS more deeply in the past two months, it is not easy. And I
am not sure I am a good listener. It requires being "on" 24/7. I hope those here on this list, feel I
listen to them. Of course, in this communication format it is really
hard to gauge how well we are being listened to. If people here feel I don't listen to them, that is an
indication that I have much more work to do. I feel listened to here
almost all the time. And for that I am very grateful. While there are
many people in my real life with whom I can share many things, we go
to some really strange places here, places that I can't go to that
often in day to day life here in Moscow.

I am recognizing that part of my life's work is to bring the OST
conversation onlist to reallife Moscow. And it's happening. It's
exciting to try things like the poetry in your pocket day, to just be
OS everywhere. And it's fascinating to then notice the moments later
in the day when I haven't been in OS. Absolutely curious. That was a
moment when I died.

June 3rd I want to count the number of times I die in the course of a
day as an awareness exercise. In Christian language that might be the
numbers of times one sins. If anyone else wants to join me in this
exercise, let me/us know.

Maybe your thoughts about community are quite right. Some of what has
been going on here recently has forced me to restart conversations
that started and ended with various people in my life 13 years ago.

Stay tuned for more aggravation mixed in with smiles...

-raffi


                          mailto:raffi at bk.ru

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