FW: Buzzards, Bats, and Bumblebees

[EVERETT813 at aol.com]

In a message dated 6/8/05 4:35:28 AM, masheikh at COGECO.CA writes:


> >Peter Block advises that we 'name the behavior' to the person, so they
> can hear how others are perceiving or feeling it. You may find that quite
> >effective.  It is especially effective for the person who is always
> judging the worth, goodness or badness of something. Just name it.
> >
> >Sincerely,
> >Paul
> 
> Good advice Paul,
> Particularly if we are interested in making the other person more "aware".
> Awareness is "always good", whether for "the other" or for ourselves. What
> do we do if the interest is not in making "the other" aware (and
> perhaps "change"?), but if we wish to make ourselves "more aware"?
> 
> I am told by wiser people that we cannot "change the other", only
> ourselves. By changing oureselves, perhaps we can hope that "the other"
> might change as well. I am ASSUMING that my above mumbo jumbo makes sense.
> It may not, since we are just using a lot of words in virtual space.
> Masud
> 

Masud,

The purpose in naming the behavior is to effect a feedback to the person.   
Whether or not it causes them to change is up to them, not you.   They may, or 
may not, have heard (at heart level) what your have offered.   It is true, we 
cannot change others.   It is also true that, given clear, sincere, honest 
feedback, we may choose to change our behavior.   And, we may not.   However, 
"Feedback Is The Breakfast Of Champions", to borrow a phrase.

There is another issue concerning behaviors which has been quite well sorted 
out by Dr. Thomas Gordon in his writings, especially his book Parent 
Effectiveness Training.   All behaviors can be immediately divided into two classes, 
those acceptable to you and those unacceptable to you.   From there, different 
strategies obtain, depending on who "owns the problem", if there is a problem.  
 Too much to type, but I have found it especially effective when working with 
managers and subordinates in helping them improve their communication.   
Works with children and spouses, too.

Best regards,

Paul  

*
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