inner aggression and the OST facilitator

[Marei Kiele]

  For whatever reason this one didn't make it to the listserve, too.
  Dear Raffi and all,I want to pick up your theme again and contribute a bit of what I found useful to become the facilitator I want to be. And it even seems to fit a little bit with what is happening on this list in general, right now.About a year ago after having know open space for one and a half year I realized I was still not able to fully walk my talk. I was not able to live up to the principles of open space which I had decided to be my life principles as well. There were situations where I found myself manipulating people instead of inviting them and being open to who cares to come. There were times where I found it terribly hard to live with what had happened (the only thing that could have), wanted things to happen NOW! because I couldn't wait any longer for the time to become the right time and where I found it hard to let go, to accept something was over.I realized I needed to work with myself, I needed to build my ability to radically accept others - and "surprise" it turned out that radically accepting myself was the foundation to accept others. These two abilities increased hand in hand. (Somehow for me it all comes down to accepting and appreciating and loving differences.) Your question was, "how to deal with agression when it's there?" I want to go one step beyond and invite to the question, "where does this agression come from and why do I create it?"I believe that we create our feelings, not that feelings occur as a reaction to an event outside. I have learned that I permanently have a choice even when I believe I don't. And I have learned that the feelings I create are directly connected with my belief-system. Let me explain the steps a little more: 1. We observe something outside.
First choice: What do we put our attention to, which beliefs do whe have that filter our perception?
 2. We judge what we have observed, we label it - this time I am not talking about judging something negative but just putting things in relation to eachother.
Second choice: How do I choose to judge it? (different people judge the same thing differently based on their beliefs.) 

3. We create a feeling that seems to help us deal with the situation we came to see as reality (and it's always our personal subjective reality!)
Third choice: Do I want to influence or change the situation? How do I want to change it? What is the desired outcome? What kind of feeling, what kind of energy seems to be appropiate to reach my personal goal?Of course these steps are taken very very fast and usually we are unaware of them, often we only experience something, than realize what we feel and than take the event or the person responsible "this makes / you make me feel...". But to me it's not that way. It's "I make me feel", I myself am responsible for my feelings.Agression to me is an emotion that contains high energy and power and is based on the need to change something. So I would probably ask myself: "What do I want to change and why? What is it I don't want to accept? What is it I want to reach?" I would start exploring beliefs I have.And secondly I would allow myself to really feel the emotion not supress it. Feeling an emotion is not the same as acting out of it. It's embrassing it and accepting myself and being faithful that there is a good reason for me to feel this way. And when I do this I often come to a deeper layer - for example agression often seems to be the reaction to another feeling, a feeling I don't want to feel, something like sadness or helplessness. What helped me making big steps was attending a course I have mentioned some time before. Since about a year I work with "Avatar" (www.avatarepc.com) and I have become an Avatar-Master and started giving courses myself. And I am as free, as self-determined, as able to make my own choices, as liberated from indoctrinated beliefs and as accepting as I never have been before. And I came to really like myself. Which seems to be one of the most important things in life - for being happy and for being the facilitator I want to be.Many regards from Germany,
wishing you all a joyful day, today.Marei

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