inner aggression and the OST facilitator

Wed Apr 20 00:11:07 PDT 2005

"What are some ways I work on my own 'stuff'?  In the past I have gone to see a counselor, to sort out the toughest things in my life (times of extreme grief or relationship issues).  I know that is a luxury of access and not available to everyone.  But I have also asked friends to spend some time with me to hear me out, take me on a walk 'for an airing' (even during an Open Space if necessary when the energy was too 'thick' in the room), gone for walks, gone away to be quiet.  I've done art.  I've gardened.  I've gotten bodywork (acupuncture or chiropractic).  I've soaked in hot baths or gone away to a hot springs for a few days.  I've written.  I've let myself find peace in not knowing, in not finding answers, and I've forgiven myself for being so hard on  myself. I've shared my thoughts and struggles with other facilitators.  It all depends on the situation."

Dear Lisa,

Your above  paragraph made me smile...i also did maybe 20% of those things.....but this is such a hard and serious job isn't it?

Funda  

  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Lisa Heft 
  To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU 
  Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2005 10:07 AM
  Subject: Re: inner aggression and the OST facilitator

  Hello, dear Raffi - 

  Thank you for sharing your innermost with us.  It is a bit like walking out into the center of the circle in an Open Space event to post a thorny topic that you feel passion around but don't know what will happen when you post it to the group.  It takes courage and surrender, no?

  And yet you trusted in yourself and had faith in the unknown and in us to listen and be present for your questions.  Thank you for that.

  You said:

  When I am reminded that OST meetings is about the group and not about me, I feel very humbled and sad. I am not sure how exactly to really "be" for the group.

  -and-

  What are ongoing practices to sort my needs from the group's? What keeps you present as a facilitator during OST?

  Can you explain a bit more about what makes you sad?  I can only interpret what would make you sad here (not knowing how to be fore the group? Not knowing how to sort your needs from the group's? Not feeling present??), and I would like more of your thoughts so I know more what you are saying.  

  I think it's fully human and right to have all kinds of responses and emotions inside of you, and even some that poke out of you.  So I would never want you to deny those feelings.  My experience is that to serve a group, I can be fully human and have all sorts of thoughts and feelings inside but I do best by breathing through them and getting out of my head and back into the present.  Because usually those feelings feel like 'now' but actually take me out of 'the now'.  And the work is about them, not about me.  

  So how to work on whatever it is I am feeling?  If I'm so involved in the issue that I want to participate I have someone else facilitate.  And if I have too much going on inside me I don't feel clean and clear as a space holder for their work.  I do not, in Open Space, say anything about their issue in the middle of the process, although in Opening and Closing sometimes there is a fire or a challenge that I acknowledge they feel and that now is the time to be part of the change.

  I also make sure I eat and sleep and rest before any facilitation work, so I am truly fully present.

  What are some ways I work on my own 'stuff'?  In the past I have gone to see a counselor, to sort out the toughest things in my life (times of extreme grief or relationship issues).  I know that is a luxury of access and not available to everyone.  But I have also asked friends to spend some time with me to hear me out, take me on a walk 'for an airing' (even during an Open Space if necessary when the energy was too 'thick' in the room), gone for walks, gone away to be quiet.  I've done art.  I've gardened.  I've gotten bodywork (acupuncture or chiropractic).  I've soaked in hot baths or gone away to a hot springs for a few days.  I've written.  I've let myself find peace in not knowing, in not finding answers, and I've forgiven myself for being so hard on myself. I've shared my thoughts and struggles with other facilitators.  It all depends on the situation.

  You also said:

  Sometimes I worry I am too open here on this list (and in life?). The energy of 1-2 of the responses led me to think that perhaps my questions are beginning to dance a little bit too close to the edge of what people on the listserv feel comfortable talking about.

  Raffi, I welcome your openness on this list and elsewhere, always knowing that you must use your intuition to sense if it will work for you and be safe for you.  But if you never shared this with us, how would we know to love you up and support you around it?  How would we have had this marvelous opportunity to sort and think and wonder along with you?  

  And just as in Open Space, we don't have to come to the conversation unless we want to.  Messages have titles.  We have delete buttons.  People who care will come to 'your session'.  Those who wonder and care and wrestle with these things will witness and share and breathe with you.

  I feel honored that you would share these things with us. You're  #@*$(&@#ing  marvelous for doing so.  

  Warmly, 

  Lisa

  ___________________________

  L i s a   H e f t

  Consultant, Facilitator, Educator

  O p e n i n g  S p a c e

  2325 Oregon

  Berkeley, California

  94705-1106   USA

  +01 510 548-8449

  lisaheft at openingspace.net

  www.openingspace.net 

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