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<DIV>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">"What are some ways I work on my own ‘stuff’?<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>In the past I have gone to see a
counselor, to sort out the toughest things in my life (times of extreme grief or
relationship issues).<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I know that
is a luxury of access and not available to everyone. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>But I have also asked friends to spend
some time with me to hear me out, take me on a walk ‘for an airing’ (even during
an Open Space if necessary when the energy was too ‘thick’ in the room), gone
for walks, gone away to be quiet.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>I’ve done art.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve
gardened.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve gotten bodywork
(acupuncture or chiropractic).<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve
soaked in hot baths or gone away to a hot springs for a few days.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve written. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve let myself find peace in not
knowing, in not finding answers, and I’ve forgiven myself for being so hard on
myself. I’ve shared my thoughts and struggles with other facilitators.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It all depends on the
situation."</SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face=Arial size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"></SPAN></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT size=2><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><FONT
face=Arial>Dear Lisa,</FONT></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT size=2><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><FONT
face=Arial></FONT></SPAN></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT size=2><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><FONT
face=Arial>Your above paragraph made me smile...i also did maybe 20%
of those things.....but this is such a hard and serious job isn't
it?</FONT></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT size=2><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><FONT
face=Arial></FONT></SPAN></FONT> </P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT size=2><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><FONT
face=Arial>Funda <o:p></o:p></FONT></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE
style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
<DIV
style="BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: black"><B>From:</B>
<A title=lisaheft@openingspace.net
href="mailto:lisaheft@openingspace.net">Lisa Heft</A> </DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A
title=OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
href="mailto:OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU">OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE..EDU</A>
</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Wednesday, April 20, 2005 10:07
AM</DIV>
<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> Re: inner aggression and the OST
facilitator</DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV>
<DIV class=Section1>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Hello, dear <SPAN class=SpellE>Raffi</SPAN> -
<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Thank you for sharing your innermost with us. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It is a bit like walking out into the
center of the circle in an Open Space event to post a thorny topic that you
feel passion around but don’t know what will happen when you post it to the
group.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It takes courage and
surrender, no?<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">And yet you trusted in yourself and had faith in the
unknown and in us to listen and be present for your questions. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Thank you for
that.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">You said:<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><FONT
face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-STYLE: italic; mso-bidi-font-style: normal">When
I am reminded that OST meetings is about the group and not about me, I feel
very humbled and sad. I am not sure how exactly to really "be" for the
group.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></I></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">-<SPAN
class=GramE>and</SPAN>-<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><FONT
face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-STYLE: italic; mso-bidi-font-style: normal">What
are ongoing practices to sort my needs from the <SPAN
class=GramE>group's</SPAN>? What keeps you present as a facilitator during
OST?<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></I></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Can you explain a bit more about what makes you sad?
<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I can only interpret what would
make you sad here (not knowing how to be fore the group? Not knowing how to
sort your needs from the <SPAN class=GramE>group’s</SPAN>? Not feeling
present??), and I would like more of your thoughts so I know more what you are
saying. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">I think it’s fully human and right to have all kinds
of responses and emotions inside of you, and even some that poke out of
you.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>So I would never want you to
deny those feelings.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>My
experience is that to serve a group, I can be fully human and have all sorts
of thoughts and feelings inside but I do best by breathing through them and
getting out of my head and back into the present.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Because usually those feelings feel
like ‘now’ but actually take me out of ‘the now’.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>And the work is about them, not about
me.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">So how to work on whatever it is I am feeling? <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>If I’m so involved in the issue that I
want to participate I have someone else facilitate.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>And if I have too much going on inside
me I don’t feel clean and clear as a space holder for their work.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I do not, in Open Space, say anything
about their issue in the middle of the process, although in Opening and
Closing sometimes there is a fire or a challenge that I acknowledge they feel
and that now is the time to be part of the
change.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">I also make sure I eat and sleep and rest before any
facilitation work, so I am truly fully present.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">What are some ways I work on my own ‘stuff’?<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>In the past I have gone to see a
counselor, to sort out the toughest things in my life (times of extreme grief
or relationship issues).<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I know
that is a luxury of access and not available to everyone. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>But I have also asked friends to spend
some time with me to hear me out, take me on a walk ‘for an airing’ (even
during an Open Space if necessary when the energy was too ‘thick’ in the
room), gone for walks, gone away to be quiet.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve done art.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve gardened.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve gotten bodywork (acupuncture or
chiropractic).<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve soaked in hot
baths or gone away to a hot springs for a few days.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve written. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’ve let myself find peace in not
knowing, in not finding answers, and I’ve forgiven myself for being so hard on
myself. I’ve shared my thoughts and struggles with other facilitators.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It all depends on the
situation.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">You also said:<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><I style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><FONT
face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-STYLE: italic; mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Sometimes
I worry I am too open here on this list (and in life?). The energy of 1-2 of
the responses led me to think that perhaps my questions are beginning to dance
a little bit too close to the edge of what people on the listserv feel
comfortable talking about.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></I></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><SPAN class=SpellE><FONT face="Trebuchet MS"
size=2><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Raffi</SPAN></FONT></SPAN>, I welcome
your openness on this list and elsewhere, always knowing that you must use
your intuition to sense if it will work for you and be safe for you. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>But if you never shared this with us,
how would we know to love you up and support you around it? <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>How would we have had this marvelous
opportunity to sort and think and wonder along with you?<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">And just as in Open Space, we don’t have to come to
the conversation unless we want to.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Messages have titles.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>We
have delete buttons.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>People who
care will come to ‘your session’.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN><SPAN class=GramE>Those who wonder and care and wrestle with these
things will witness and share and breathe with
you.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">I feel honored that you would share these things with
us. <SPAN class=GramE>You’re<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>#</SPAN>@*$(&@#<SPAN class=SpellE>ing</SPAN> <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>marvelous for doing so.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Warmly, <o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt">Lisa<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">___________________________<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">L i s a<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>H e f
t<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">Consultant, Facilitator,
Educator<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">O p e n i n g<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>S p a c e<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">2325
Oregon<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">Berkeley,
California<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">94705-1106<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>USA<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">+01 510
548-8449<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">lisaheft@openingspace.net<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes">www.openingspace.net
<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; mso-no-proof: yes"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoPlainText><FONT face="Trebuchet MS" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>* *
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