inner aggression and the OST facilitator

[Misty and Bill Dunn]

Hi everyone,

I have never posted before but have been reading the list for many months.
I have only participated in two OS sessions (each was one full day) given by
an experienced OS facilitator ["Thanks, Christine!"] and several short ones
(one only an hour; others were half day sessions), facilitated by people who
were not trained but had attended an OS session previously.  Perhaps it is
just my inexperience reacting; however, I hope that sharing my thoughts
might have merit if my reactions match those of others who are relatively
new to OS.

I love Therese's way of describing the teacher as 'one who is open, not
attached to outcomes.'  And, I totally agree with her following statements:

> Our primary instrument/tool as a facilitator is the inner impulses that
> come to us and our work as a facilitator is, I believe, to become ever
> more clearly attuned to whatever it is that we are 'getting'.  If we
> are getting dissonance/aggression, then that is what we are getting.
> The key is how to voice it.
> 
> I am reminded of something my daughter and I learned as we raised each
> other.  We came to realize that it is possible to say anything to
> another person; the key is how we say it.

What I am uncertain about is where the aggression of which Raffi speaks,
would be coming from.  If, as Therese suggests, it is dissonance that the
facilitator is "getting" from the participants, then I agree that it should
be acknowledged.  What I would have a hard time with, is if it is just the
inner aggression of the facilitator, not what he is "picking up" from the
participants.  I also would probably react unfavorably to the use of such
strong language expressing the dissonance. I may be in a small minority;
however, I rarely hear the "f-word" used in my presence--Hearing it would
arouse an dissonance within me!  <smile>

If it were me, rather than using extremely profane language, I think it
would be very powerful to express the dissonance something like, "Wow!  (Or,
Damn!, if you prefer.)  I am picking up some really strong emotions here!
Seems like there is a lot of anger, hostility, even rage, seething here.  I
think we need to get at what is causing these emotions by addressing those
issues in the topics you suggest.  Anything else would seem a waste of time
here today."  

I don't know how to address the issue of how to be true to yourself (if you
commonly use profanity and see it as "who you are") *and* how to respect the
sensitivity of some of the participants.  I may be naïve, but perhaps trying
to identify what may be causing the aggression would help you, personally,
to deal with it.  As I see it, if your aggression has nothing to do with the
people who have come to OS, then it would need to stay with you. As others
have said, facilitating OS is not about us, the facilitators, but about the
people for whom we are opening the space.

I am very interested in hearing others' viewpoints.  And, I heartily echo
Jennifer¹s endorsement of ³Difficult Conversations!²

Thanks for this great list!  I have learned so much and am looking forward
to many more OS sessions‹as a participant and as a facilitator!

Warmly,
Misty Dunn
A novice from Sacramento, California
 
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come
alive.  And then go and do that.  Because what the world needs is people who
have come alive."    Howard Thurman Whitman

~~~~~
On 4/18/05, Therese Fitzpatrick wrote:
> Raffi, thank you for giving us a gimpse into your inner work.  I am
> grateful for the reminder that a facilitator's inner work is an
> integral part of the work.  Sometimes I think a facilitator's inner
> work IS the work and showing up at events and opening circles is a
> small part of "the work".  Lately I have been thinking of facilitation
> as shaman work.
> 
> My immediate reaction to your post, Raffi,  in which you disclose that
> you are working with your desire to express agression and Arrien's
> 'way of the teacher' is to remind you that the way of the teacher is
> to be open, not attached to outcome.
> 
> My second reaction, which is advice and I apologize for giving you
> advice but your post has called something to move quite deeply in me.
> . . . I might go so far as to suggest that I have an inner aggressive
> impulse to give you some advice and I am acting on it. . .  My second
> bit of advice is to trust your inner 'aggression'.  It might help you
> to think of what you are labeling aggression as 'dissonance'.  Our
> primary instrument/tool as a facilitator is the inner impulses that
> come to us and our work as a facilitator is, I believe, to become ever
> more clearly attuned to whatever it is that we are 'getting'.  If we
> are getting dissonance/aggression, then that is what we are getting.
> The key is how to voice it.
> 
> I am reminded of something my daughter and I learned as we raised each
> other.  We came to realize that it is possible to say anything to
> another person; the key is how we say it.
> 
> And the key to the how is to be open, not attached to outcome, which
> is the way of the teacher, Raffi.  When you have detected something
> within yourself that feels a bit aggressive and that sense of
> aggression leads you to hesitate to voice it, then you are probably
> being attached to outcome.  I think you would find that if you voice
> what is going on inside you, esp. those things that are urging you to
> pay attention, that you will be saying what needs to be said.  This is
> esp. important when you are the facilitator:  it is your work to voice
> the things arising within you, esp. the dissonant things.  If you can
> say "this is what I am getting" and you can simultaneously be
> unattached to how it will be heard, then you will have succeeded in
> freeing your own inner aggression and serving the whole that surrounds
> you.  The key to voicing aggression/dissonance is to voice it in a way
> that is open to outcome.  If you say "I think we should do THIS" and
> you have preconceived notions about how your listeners should react,
> then you will get completely different reactions than if you say "I
> think we should do THIS" while you are deeply open to whatever happens
> or what get said next.
> 
> In summary, dissonance is data.  Data is neutral.  So long as we are
> open to the meaning of the data/dissonance/aggression that is arising
> up within us, it remains neutral.  The moment we  begin to project
> how data/dissonance/aggression will be received/understood/adapted,
> then it has the potential to be either negative or positive. . . the
> moment we project meaning on to the data, we are no longer open to
> outcome.
> 
> Now, I, too, and thinking I have gone off my rocker.
> 
~~~~ 
> On 4/17/05, Raffi Aftandelian <raffi at bk.ru> wrote:
>> Hi all!
>> 
>> In the process of my ongoing innerwork, I am realizing the amount of
>> pent-up aggression I have within me. And that I need to learn ways of
>> giving expression to that aggression regularly (new daily recommended
>> practices?). I am realizing that the more this aggression sits within
>> me it can eat up the inside of me and result in serious illness.
>> 
>> I am starting to experiment with being more aggressive in day to day
>> life. To increase my own threshold for my own aggression. It is
>> confusing to figure out how best to do this! Right now I am in the way
>> of the teacher on the medicine wheel (for those not familiar with the
>> medicine wheel, Harrison cites one colleague in his user guide,
>> Angeles Arrien; she is an anthropologist with Basque roots and author
>> of the Fourfold Way; simply put, a medicine wheel is a tool for looking
>> at wholeness), working with objectivity and discernment. I imagine
>> there is a much deeper meaning to these two words than how I
>> understand them. Because as I weigh how to act in day to day life,
>> those two words lead me to hesitate with my aggression at the time when
>> someone
>> inside is now telling me, "get the fucking aggression out of you,
>> dammit!"
>> 
>> Might people share some practices that have helped you or others in:
>> 
>> a) accepting, embracing, loving one's personal aggression/violence,
>> recognizing its
>> positive and creative force (the negative is obvious, no?)
>> 
>> b) how I might give space and voice to the aggression while in the way
>> of the teacher?
>> 
>> This brings me to the second part of my question-- What space is
>> there, if any, for the facilitator's expression of (verbal)
>> aggression/violence
>> in the context of an OST meeting? If there is, what might that
>> aggression/violence look like?
>> 
>> If I am at my best when I can bring all of me as a facilitator into
>> the room, how can I best make use of my shadow aggressor (the
>> murderer, the sadist, the victim, the masochist) when I notice it?
>> Obviously, they all rear their head all the time in life and in
>> facilitated meetings and I have (probably) never noticed it (!!).
>> 
>> Another way of framing this question is that I am a very expressive
>> person and I don't want to feel like I have to stifle my expression as
>> an OST facilitator. Can words like "fuck", "shit", "bitch" be used to
>> create a climate of Open Space? Has anyone had experience in using
>> such words in opening and holding an OST climate? I know the "oh shit"
>> story, are there any "oh, fuck" stories?
>> 
>> One thought that comes to me is to acknowledge it and then use one of
>> my personal strengths-- a love of play-- to just play with the
>> aggression, thereby creating a much more creative field around me
>> while in OS.
>> 
>> When I have fallen off my rocker (American English for "I have gone
>> crazy; rocker-- is a rocking chair), shit, let me know!
>> 
>> Warmly and blessings (dammit),
>> Raffi
>> 
>>                           mailto:raffi at bk.ru
>> 
>>                           mailto:raffi at bk.ru


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