on OST facilitator aggression, sexism (and all other garden variety and not so garden variety "isms"), political correctness, genocide, Raffi, Therese, Paul, Masud, and other closet OS listserv fratboys OR the wonders of opening space by pressing "Delete" in the ever expanding NOW

[Raffi Aftandelian]

Hi all!

It came to me just now, Therese, the sprout from the then-ungerminated
seed of a thought in the email where I apologized to you for my
hurtful remarks onlist.

I think there IS a place for verbally expressing sexism, etc. in this
world. It would be great to become that totally enlightened
violence-free feminist male. I aim for that. But everything takes
time. And your replies from the heart nudge me further in that
direction. But, occasional sexist remarks for me are fine, I think.
Maybe not here on this listserv.

I think that all the penis jokes and limericks are rather funny. But
no sexist jokes about men are necessarily going to have the same punch
as a sexist joke, because we live in a male-dominated world. Men have
privilege. It is our jokes that pack pain.

Making sexist remarks, I think, from time to time can be a cleansing
process. I am not saying this for sure, but I am experimenting with
this thought right now.

I have lots of violence in me. If I choose to make a sexist remark
privately, that is a less harmful thing than, say, giving a woman
unwanted sexual attention.  It is a safer expression of energy that
otherwise would be bottled up. Now yes, there are lots of wonderful
practices for working with aggression. And I intend to reread the
suggestions and i am already in my own way working with my aggression
and feel good about how it is going.

I think we all have really powerful energies within us. I could call
those energies my inner rapist, dictator, monarch, soldier, etc. If I
say a few jokes (perhaps not on the listserv) from time to time, I think
that's ok. Yes, thoughts are material, but if I express those thoughts
to a few in a private setting, isn't that better than just bottling it
up inside myself?

I can only transform my inner rapist, dictator, etc. by engaging him,
by joking with him, by play-wrestling him, to lovingly mock him, by
dialoging with him, by offering him non-alcoholic beer and spice
popcorn. I won't transform him by saying how awful it is that he is
within me.

Am I sad that I am so sexist? Yes. But guilting myself all over will
not change the situation...

And going back to what you said about potential genocide jokes. If
that suits people to make starving Armenian marching in the desert
jokes, go for it. I probably wouldn't want to hear them. But, if that
would help them be less violent in some other way, I'd say-- "that's
wonderful."

If I am missing something here, help me. Bang me on the head again.
And again.

In the meantime, I invite Paul, Ralph, Masud, and anyone else who
might consider him/herself a closet fratboy (or would like to
experience the virtual open space of closet fratboys) to join the virtual OST
listserv of my mind. This listserv has streaming visual and audio. We
are in a session called the Watering Hole (a bar). The format is what
I call "organized butterflying". Here we can shoot the breeze and also
put it to paper in a report form.

I begin our virtual fratboy bull session with a joke about the last
Qajar monarch of Iran (the Qajars were the dynasty that preceded the
Pahlavi dynasty, the last dynasty in Iran before the Islamic
Revolution of 1979)...I'd continue the joke here, but it is a little
scatological and somewhat racist (against Iranians)...

With what looks like a little too much time on his hands,
Raffi

p.s. To the non-North Americans onlist: a fratboy is slang for a
member of a fraternity. Fraternities are clubs/societies in college,
usually residential. Fratboys have been stereotyped as big lovers of
parties, alcohol, casual sex. They can be also stereotyped as
superficially patriotic, sexist, racist, and...[insert favorite ism
here]
                          mailto:raffi at bk.ru

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