Attachment and Detachment

[Julie Smith]

Thanks, Winston.  That poem by Thich Nhat Hanh was in my heart as I was
writing that post yesterday.  It's one of my favorites.  I learned a lot
from that poem.  (For those who don't know, Winston sent only a small
portion of the poem to the list.  The full poem is longer.)

And I love your quote from St. Augustine.  Beautifully said!  A very
nice summary of everything that matters.  I think I'll hang on to that
one.

And your comment about paradoxes and the difficulty of attempting to
reconcile them takes me to some recent reading I've done about Zen koans
(like What is the sound of one hand clapping?).  I've been pondering the
author's comment that koans cannot be understood with our rational mind.
We have to let go of mind and understand them from a deeper non-mind (or
was it non-ego?) place.  I wasn't seeing this conversation in that light
before.  Thanks for the insight.

Julie

-----Original Message-----
From: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU] On Behalf Of
Winston Kinch
Sent: Tuesday, September 23, 2003 4:52 AM
To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
Subject: Re: Attachment and Detachment

Thank you Julie. As always, you go deep.

This question of  attachment/detachment or in the terms I usually think
of
it, intentionality v/s letting go of outcome, is for me one of the most
perplexing and fascinating paradoxes I face. Perhaps, like paradoxes
everywhere, not to be resolved by trying to choose between or reconcile
the
(apparent) opposites, but by trying to 'hold the tension' ... One nicity
which helps me is the distinction which (I believe) the Buddhists make
between attachment and desire: that it is not the desire itself which is
the cause of suffering but one's attachment to it...

Your post, and its rumination on learning, brought back to me this
powerful
poem by Thich Nhat Hanh:

I am the twelve year old girl
refugee on a small boat
who throws herself in the ocean
after having been raped by a sea pirate
and I am the pirate,
my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving.
Please call me by my true name
so I can wake up
and the door of my heart
can be left open,
the door to compassion.

Perhaps ol' St Augustine had it right after all:
"Love and do as you will".

With caring,
Winston

----- Original Message -----

From: Julie Smith
Sent: Monday, September 22, 2003 2:15 PM
Subject: Attachment and Detachment


Birgitt, you wrote

Our Harmony Project was specifically a calling to those who work with
'opening space and holding space' to use their special gifts to assist
in
holding space for opportunities for Harmony. And the challenge for those
hundreds of us who are now co-facilitating the holding of this space is
to
do so by holding steady with emotional detachment no matter what is
happening in the world and to have NO attachment to outcome, just the
same
as we teach with working with Open Space Technology. And that is hard,
as
all those of you who facilitate OST meetings that you are inclined to
feel
emotional about well know.

Your thoughts about "emotional detachment no matter what" made me think
of
my recent experience with youth during an OST event (where I was clearly
not emotionally detached), and also John's recent post, where he said

i appreciate what you are saying. i believe your words have great value.
but, there are many many things that i confront regularly that i cannot
appreciate, nor do i feel it appropriate to appreciate: torture and
other
violations of human rights.

fortunately, many of us enjoy a life where such terror is nothing more
than
a distant grief. for all too many people, it is not distant at all.

let us stay grounded in the reality of the whole and not of a certain
portion.

I see the truth and wisdom of detachment, and have practiced "no
attachment
to outcome" for many years.  I also recognize our need to give and
receive
care and love, which I think is a form of attachment.  We are in
relationship with each other.  We care what happens to each other.  That
is
not detachment.  So I find myself trying to find some resolution that
honors the truth being expressed in both points of view.

I think the "no attachment to outcome" applies to the choices people
make,
but not to the people themselves.  It applies to the behavior, not the
person.   That means I can begin to practice acceptance and
non-judgment.
This is easier when I see behavior not as a reflection of the "goodness"
or
"badness" of a person, but simply as a reflection of their current
understanding of the world, and therefore a reflection of their current
learning needs.

I can see that our behaviors have consequences, and that we are all
constantly learning from every choice we make.  That learning is a very
good thing, and is perhaps the very reason for our being here.  I have
no
desire to get in the way of our learning.  I believe we have as many
lifetimes as we need to learn what we came here to learn, so I am
willing
to accept even the worst atrocities as an accurate reflection of the
learning needs of those who are involved.  I can also see that my
current
learning need is to learn to transcend fear-based and non-loving
responses.
When I look through this lens, I can see that the harmful behavior of
others provides me with opportunities to practice loving response in all
situations.  This is a lesson I have not yet mastered.  So perhaps I
feel
some appreciation for the lessons that are available to all of us in
every
kind of situation.

At the same time, I cannot ignore my heart-felt desire for the good of
all.
I care.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  If there is some giving or
receiving that I can do that will help alleviate harm, or help myself
and
others progress a little more quickly in our understanding of the world,
then I want to make that contribution.  I am not detached from helping.
If
I can, I want to help.  Sometimes I help with my silence, and sometimes
with my words.  Sometimes with my invisibility, and sometimes with my
visibility.  If I can't help, I want to do no harm to anyone, including
those who are inflicting harm on others.

I find myself feeling very attached to our individual and collective
learning and growth.  I'm not concerned about the outcome because I
think
that is a certainty, but I think it matters that I actively engage in
the
learning process while I'm here.  I don't think we're supposed to detach
from that.  I think we're supposed to detach from worldly desires, but
not
from inner growth and understanding.

For me, the important thing is the quality of acceptance and
non-judgment.
To see our behavior as indicators of what we need to learn, not as a
reflection of our goodness or badness.  Always, always love the person.
Detach from judgment of outward behavior.  Don't detach from the
learning
and inner growth which leads to wisdom and truth.

Back to yin and yang, I guess.  Attachment and detachment.   Speaking
and
silence.  Visibility and invisibility.   Finding wholeness in the whole.

This doesn't feel complete, but I can't quite capture whatever it is
that
is missing, and the day calls ~

Julie



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