Attachment and Detachment

[Julie Smith]

Birgitt, you wrote

Our Harmony Project was specifically a calling to those who work with
'opening space and holding space' to use their special gifts to assist
in holding space for opportunities for Harmony. And the challenge for
those hundreds of us who are now co-facilitating the holding of this
space is to do so by holding steady with emotional detachment no matter
what is happening in the world and to have NO attachment to outcome,
just the same as we teach with working with Open Space Technology. And
that is hard, as all those of you who facilitate OST meetings that you
are inclined to feel emotional about well know.

Your thoughts about "emotional detachment no matter what" made me think
of my recent experience with youth during an OST event (where I was
clearly not emotionally detached), and also John's recent post, where he
said

i appreciate what you are saying. i believe your words have great value.
but, there are many many things that i confront regularly that i cannot
appreciate, nor do i feel it appropriate to appreciate: torture and
other violations of human rights.

fortunately, many of us enjoy a life where such terror is nothing more
than a distant grief. for all too many people, it is not distant at all.

let us stay grounded in the reality of the whole and not of a certain
portion.

I see the truth and wisdom of detachment, and have practiced "no
attachment to outcome" for many years.  I also recognize our need to
give and receive care and love, which I think is a form of attachment.
We are in relationship with each other.  We care what happens to each
other.  That is not detachment.  So I find myself trying to find some
resolution that honors the truth being expressed in both points of view.


I think the "no attachment to outcome" applies to the choices people
make, but not to the people themselves.  It applies to the behavior, not
the person.   That means I can begin to practice acceptance and
non-judgment.  This is easier when I see behavior not as a reflection of
the "goodness" or "badness" of a person, but simply as a reflection of
their current understanding of the world, and therefore a reflection of
their current learning needs.

I can see that our behaviors have consequences, and that we are all
constantly learning from every choice we make.  That learning is a very
good thing, and is perhaps the very reason for our being here.  I have
no desire to get in the way of our learning.  I believe we have as many
lifetimes as we need to learn what we came here to learn, so I am
willing to accept even the worst atrocities as an accurate reflection of
the learning needs of those who are involved.  I can also see that my
current learning need is to learn to transcend fear-based and non-loving
responses.  When I look through this lens, I can see that the harmful
behavior of others provides me with opportunities to practice loving
response in all situations.  This is a lesson I have not yet mastered.
So perhaps I feel some appreciation for the lessons that are available
to all of us in every kind of situation.

At the same time, I cannot ignore my heart-felt desire for the good of
all.  I care.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  If there is some
giving or receiving that I can do that will help alleviate harm, or help
myself and others progress a little more quickly in our understanding of
the world, then I want to make that contribution.  I am not detached
from helping.  If I can, I want to help.  Sometimes I help with my
silence, and sometimes with my words.  Sometimes with my invisibility,
and sometimes with my visibility.  If I can't help, I want to do no harm
to anyone, including those who are inflicting harm on others.

I find myself feeling very attached to our individual and collective
learning and growth.  I'm not concerned about the outcome because I
think that is a certainty, but I think it matters that I actively engage
in the learning process while I'm here.  I don't think we're supposed to
detach from that.  I think we're supposed to detach from worldly
desires, but not from inner growth and understanding.

For me, the important thing is the quality of acceptance and
non-judgment.  To see our behavior as indicators of what we need to
learn, not as a reflection of our goodness or badness.  Always, always
love the person.  Detach from judgment of outward behavior.  Don't
detach from the learning and inner growth which leads to wisdom and
truth.

Back to yin and yang, I guess.  Attachment and detachment.   Speaking
and silence.  Visibility and invisibility.   Finding wholeness in the
whole.

This doesn't feel complete, but I can't quite capture whatever it is
that is missing, and the day calls ~

Julie



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