my family (mother list)

[Judi Richardson]

Marei --

Your words make perfect sense to me.  I appreciate your thoughts around
meeting your needs.  I agree that as a facilitator my work is to make sure
that I feel good -- that includes the processes I use, staying in integrity
with the group, and have loads of fun!

Thank you for sharing the words of the gentleman in your closing circle.  As
to those who join or not, this is my idea of invitation:

I invite you to my house for a party, I am not insisting that you

come, I am not heartbroken if you do not, I am not unable to have my

party without you there.  I am simply inviting, because I want you to

know that I'm having this great party.  I may describe it in great

detail so you'll share my vision of how much fun I think it will be:

telling you about the kind of foods that will be served, the activities

I have planned, the music that will be playing, etc.  And I invite you

because I have a notion that my experience might be enhanced if you

join us.  At the same time I am clear in knowing that if you do not

want to come, if you come anyway, perhaps from a sense of obligation,

you will NOT add to the experience of the rest of the people at the

party but detract from it.  So my invitation carries with it an

implicit allowing for you not to come if you don't want to.



It seem to me that at some level inviting is wanting: wanting others to join
us.  It is also allowing: allowing them not to join in if they choose not
to.  It is not needing,

which is a desperate wanting without the allowing.

Today, we experienced the gift of the first snow and I'm feeling the
"invitation" to bond with it!!

Judi



Judith Richardson, M.A.
www.ponoconsultants.com
www.emergentfeminine.com
Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
(902) 434-6695
  -----Original Message-----
  From: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU]On Behalf Of Marei
Kiele
  Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 7:55 PM
  To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
  Subject: Re: my family (mother list)


  Sorry for adding such a long text (thinking of all who only have little
time for reading these mails).

  But - after following this beautiful exchange with rising interest and
involvement, tonight I read many mails I collected during the last days -
and my wish to answer and contribute grew more and more  - feeling so
limited by not being native english-speaking.
  I really don't know which one to refer to first.
  So I close my eyes and let my finger choose...

  Chris Corrigan wrote:
  There are about 350-400 people on this list Judi.  WAAAY more lurkers
  than writers, or more butterflies than conveners.

  Dear Chris, this sentence opened up a new way of looking at butterflies to
me.
  Most times I just read and do not write on the list, but I don't feel as
if I am "only" lurking. Whenever I add to the list I feel it makes a
difference to know there are hundreds of people reading and listening to
what I am saying. Even if they don't answer or engage. Knowing somebody is
there, somebody is taking part, somebody is witnessing what I do and think
makes a difference. In this way we are all facilitating each other, aren't
we?


  Chris Corrigan wrote:
  I’ve been pondering Judi and Lisa’s statements about loving the
event-based OST even though we know it could be better, and I have to admit
that even though I tried to come across as getting tired of them, I like
them a lot too. I was trying to figure out WHY I like them though and
wondered if it wasn’t just me…a fatal trap for a facilitator, to meet his
own needs through a pet process, and so this had me a little worried…

  Dear Chris and all, I use this opportunity for adding that esp. on this
list we (including myself!) all may try to become saints - not doing things
to meet our own needs - but in fact I believe meeting our needs is the real
reason for all we do. And during the last weeks I came to see it as a very
honourable reason. Meeting my needs does not automatically implicate that
the needs of others are not met. The opposite is true - I can meet the needs
of others best when I take good care of myself.


  Tova wrote:
  >My sensing is that there are changes in the last few months. I do not
know 'the real old days' but I am around for 4 years now.
  >My understanding is that our community is multi focused now and this is
felt, at least by some (me included), as an 'energy
  >leakage', A difficulty to focus enough energy to go through to new.

  This sentence gave me a new insight into something a man said in the
closing-circle this week. But before I tell you more about him I want to
share something with you: I am proud and delighted and full of happiness
because on last monday and tuesday I facilitated my first open space. Some
of you who met me in Swenmark may recall that I gave up my work as a product
manager nearly two years ago. I went through many struggles, up and downs,
found open space or have been found and fell in love immediately but didn't
dare to get in contact at the first sight. After half a year of more
learning and searching I entered the space at the Berliner OSonOS in june,
came to Bramstrup where I deeply felt I had reached home and found my
family, asked Michael M Pannwitz to let me learn (recall?!) open space being
with him for three months and finally I dived into the river and... swam :-)
Of course I did, because as I know now: I am a dolphin - and I found the
liquid I need.

  The os took place in a business-context with participants who afterwards
seem to be hard work for the start: 38 people, only men (exept three young
women who where very cautious), average age 60, professional background:
scientists, ingenieurs, finance specialists. But of course - it worked! They
had fun, they networked and communicated like never before, they were happy.
With at least one exeption.

  Coming back to what Tova wrote (...multi focused... is felt, at least by
some... as an 'energy leakage'):

  This man, being 60+-years old, said he found out that open space isn't for
him and that he is hoping he will never have to participate in one anymore.
First I thought he was not open enough (like "how limited"). Writing and
thinking about it I become less demanding. I realize how judging I have
been. Now I understand it may just have been to much for him... or to fast.
And I wonder if there is any chance to make it easier for people to SLOWLY
get in touch? I guess he may have been overtaxed - coming to the
food-metaphor: as I sometimes feel overtaxed going to the market with all
the fresh vegetable and fruits and decisions to make - there are times when
I prefer a small supermarket with only a small assortement.

  Florian, while reading your contribution I feel how I slow down. And I
feel this healing energy you give to me. Is this the answer to my above
posted question? Making it possible for others to join by slowing down? But
what about those who are fast?

  And one more question to mix you all up the way I am NOW (exactly midnight
in Germany): Maybe it is still judging to think it was too much. Because
hidden in this thought is the idea that everyone could find his or her
paradise in open space. Which implicates not to accept the choice of all who
find their paradise somewhere else.

  Does all this make sense to you?

  Marei


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