grief cycle work
Birgitt Williams
birgitt at mindspring.com
Sun Aug 6 19:28:58 PDT 2000
Hello friends,
We have learned from Harrison (see his books) about the importance of grief cycle work in organizations and why Open Space Technology works best at the stages of the grief cycle after shock/anger/denial/memories and letting go. Some of us prefer to call "letting go" "acceptance" and before the stage of reframing for the new. Some of us learned about grief cycle work in organizations when studying Levy's work on Organizational Transformation in the early 80's including a paper called second order change.
For me, this is why I often prefer to do a story telling evening to get at the memory work before doing an Open Space Technology meeting about issues and opportunities of the future ESPECIALLY if the OST meeting is only one day or one 1/2 days. If people are in shock/anger/denial/memories it is important to give this a venue, a time and space for the stories to do their healing work. In a multi day OST, I don't worry about it because there is the time to do the story-telling/memories work within the OST. As humans, we need this healing before we can really focus on creative solutions for the future.
I wanted to share with you a point that I emphasize with all client groups (and when I take groups through training intensives) that it is important to pay attention to grief work FOLLOWING an OST meeting, within the ongoing life of the organization. Even when the closing circle is excellent, full of good comments, I have found that some of the people making the most happy comments in the closing, within a few days are exactly the ones who do the most behaviours that appear as resistance to change because they are in GRIEF about leaving the old behind and making the changes to the new based on what has come of the OST meeting, even if the changes are for the better, for good. I suggest that you also might want to give this consideration and alert your sponsors to this fact of grief at work FOLLOWING the OST meeting.
Kindest regards from my time in Australia where we have finished one learning journey about basics and are heading right into another one focusing on the OS Organization. I look forward to seeing old friends, including Brian Bainbridge and to hear him laugh.
Following my signature are notes on grief cycle, quick notes in preparing a paper --about grief cycle.
Birgitt
Grief and the Work of Mourning
Grief Defined
Grief is defined by the Oxford English Reference Dictionary as a deep or intense sorrow or mourning. Grief is not only one emotion. It can be a combination of sadness, self-pity, guilt over one's failures, both real and imaginary, anger over the injustice of the loss, and fear of the unknown future which we are now walking into alone. It is commonly agreed that there are three basic stages of grief - shock, suffering, and recovery - and that none of these steps can be eliminated or avoided. These three basic stages have been broken down into other stages by many thanologists. The duration of each of these stages depends on a number of factors. These factors can include the nature of the grief, the character of the griever, and the depth of deprivation caused by, or believed to be caused by, the loss. Grief typically lasts from a few weeks to a few months. If, after several months, the feelings of grief do not begin to dissipate, it is a sign that the person who is gr!
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ving needs some professional help to deal with their grief.
Grief and mourning, although usually paired together, are two different things. Grief is the complex amount of thoughts and emotions that a person thinks and feels after a loss. Mourning is the attempt to deal with these thoughts and emotions.
Grief does not only occur upon the death of a loved one. We grieve whenever we experience a deep, wrenching loss. This loss can come through the loss of a loved one through death, divorce, or separation. It can occur after the severance of any close emotional relationship. Grief can also occur when a person's purpose in life is destroyed, either through retirement or unemployment. Moving to a strange city can also cause grief, especially in young children. Grief can also occur after the loss of a prized possession. This can include houses, cars, artwork, or large amounts of money. Basically, grief occurs after any separation from something or someone that is deeply loved or is a major factor in our lives.
Shock, the first stage of grief, occurs immediately after the loss. Shock occurs because the human mind cannot accept the loss immediately. This stage usually only lasts a few hours to a few days. Once the shock has worn off, a person begins the stage of suffering. It is during this time that most of the 'work of mourning' is done. It is during this stage that a person comes to terms with his or her loss. Once a person comes to terms with his or her loss, the recovery can begin. It is in this stage that a person admits their loss and begins to make new life plans without the person or thing that they have lost.
Over the last century many studies have been conducted and much has been written about grief and the work of mourning. Freud began to publish his thoughts on grief as early as 1915, after observing the widespread grief after WWI. He believed that grief is the means by which the energy that tied the individual to the object of his or her love is progressively withdrawn.
John Bowlby sees human beings as having a working model of the world in their minds. This model is derived and altered by life experiences. He observed that people strive to keep close to them those people and objects that they care for. When separation occurs, it triggers behavior patterns that are designed to bring about reunion. Although useless, these behavior patterns are triggered by death or other permanent separations.
C. Murray Parkes believes that grief is a process of realization. Grief makes real inside oneself an event that has already occurred. He believes that the repeated awareness of discrepancies between the outer and inner representations of the world account for the feeling of frustration that is often felt as part of grief. The repeat of this feeling of frustration eventually leads to the inner acceptance of the loss that has occurred on the outside.
It is interesting to note that the basic feelings and reactions of grief are prevalent throughout all cultures. All people experience the same sensations, regardless of race or religion. It is also interesting that since the dawn of man we have held ceremonies to honor the passing of our loved ones. These ceremonies are as much about honoring the deceased as they are about helping those who are left behind to have closure and to begin the grief work.
The Work of Mourning
Although the basic nature of grief and the basic stages of the grief work can be agreed upon, there are many different interpretations to the different parts of the grief work. There seem to be five major viewpoints on the cycles of grief work.
The most highly regarded opinions were published by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in 1960. Her work is still used as mandatory reading for many medical professions and other professions in which a person may come into contact with those who are grieving. Kubler-Ross defines the grief cycle in five stages: shock and denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Erich Lindemann defines the grief process in three stages: shock and disbelief, acute mourning, and resolution. Lindemann recognized that the first phase of grief is shock and disbelief. This feeling of numbness lasts anywhere from a few hours to a few days in normal grief work. It is a stage in which a person does not yet comprehend the fact that a loss has occurred. When a person dies, the close family is often moved out of this stage by the need for funeral arrangements. Acute mourning follows shock. During this phase a person feels deep despair and depression. Finally, Lindemann describes the stage of resolution. At this stage, a person has come to terms with the fact that a loss has occurred and begins to move on with restructuring their lives without the object or person that has been lost.
John Bowlby described three phases: the urge to recover the lost object, disorganization and despair, and reorganization. He developed this observation based on his observations on how people understand the outside world. Bowlby, as described above, believed that each individual had a working model of how s/he perceived the world around them. This model was constantly growing and changing as new experiences happened. Bowlby believed that when a person experiences great loss their immediate reaction is to try to recover the object that they had lost. After this period of searching the person comes to the realization that they cannot find the object they seek. This begins the period of disorganization and despair. During this time a person feels great despair because of the recognized loss. They also feel disorganization because the working model in their head no longer matches the outside world. During this period, a person must reconfigure the model to compensate fo!
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their loss. Once this has been completed, the person begins the phase of reorganization. This involves reorganizing their life and inner working model to function normally without the person or object they had lost.
Colin Murray Parkes modified Bowlby's description by describing four phases of the grief cycle. These included numbness, yearning and searching, disorganization and despair, and reorganization. This model differs only by adding a new first stage to the grief work. This stage of numbness is the initial shock and often disbelief that the loss has occurred. Bowlby would later come to agree with this description and modify his own teachings and writings.
George Engel believed in a six stage grief process, including shock and disbelief, development of awareness, restitution, resolution of the loss, idealization, and outcome.
Although there are many different models of the grief cycle, there is a definite pattern between them. All modes tell us that when one grieves, they are first hit hard by the grief. This initial stage can be described as shock, disbelief, longing, preoccupation with the deceased and acute awareness of sights, sounds, or smells that call the person to mind, yearning and searching, numbness, withdrawal in defense, and denial.
Each model continues to tell us that after this initial shock one is fully immersed in their grief in a very intense and often nearly overwhelmingly painful way. In this phase one is thrown into the full force of bereavement as manifested by somatic distress , symptoms like those experiences by the deceased, restlessness, and irritability. Acute and intense emotions such as sadness, depression, anxiety, despair, helplessness, anger, frustration, and guilt can be experienced. Some people cling to idealizations of the deceased. One can lose motivation for daily life and experience the breakdown of familiar behavior patterns. One can also choose to become isolated from others and can try, but fail, to negotiate with others (including God) to bring back the lost person or object. One may also experience purposelessness and hopelessness.
Eventually a new balance of living is found and one begins to rebuild and move on with their lives. This includes subsiding somatic effects, reduction in the intensity of emotions and preoccupation with the deceased. One begins to reestablish social contact and to adopt new roles and skills as required by the loss. One is able to remember the deceased or lost object without pain and begins to loosen the ties to them. One feels restored to daily purpose and hopefulness.
One does not automatically flow through the stages of grief. We must work through them and there is often overlap as one moves through the stages. Each person does not grieve in exactly the same manner. Everyone will work through things differently, and on their own schedule. These models only show that each of us goes through the same predictable sequence of feelings and events during the grief cycle.
Recent works have suggested that the grief process is never truly over. These works suggest that although the pangs of grief lessen and can become brief thoughts about the person or object and become less frequent, perhaps only once or twice a year, we never wholly accept and overcome the loss.
The First Years of Bereavment
Ira O. Glick, Robert S. Weiss, C. Murray Parkes
New York, A Wiley-Interscience publication, 1974
Attachment & Loss: Volume 3 Loss: Sadness & Depression
John Bowlby
London, England, Random House, 1998
Working It Through: An Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Workshop on Life, Death, & Transition
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
New York, Macmillan Publishing Co, 1982
Facing Death & Grief: A Sensible Perspective for the Modern Person
George N. Marshall
New York, Prometheus Books, 1981
How We Grieve: Relearning the World
Thomas Attig
New York, Oxford University Press, 1996
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>From Mon Aug 7 10:38:58 2000
Message-Id: <MON.7.AUG.2000.103858.0400.>
Date: Mon, 7 Aug 2000 10:38:58 -0400
Reply-To: lpasoc at inforamp.net
To: OSLIST <OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU>
From: Larry Peterson <lpasoc at inforamp.net>
Subject: Re: tmn.com conversations
In-Reply-To: <000d01bffe32$46c37de0$227a059a at larry>
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Just to let you know. I tried www.tmn.com/new/ again and it worked just
fine. No cost, and I tried it again just to be sure. Don't know what
happened last time, but it wasn't woprking so I re-registered. And it is
quite easy when it works!
Thanks Harrison.
Larry
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<BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff>
<DIV><SPAN class=3D170352114-07082000><FONT color=3D#0000ff face=3DArial =
size=3D2>Just=20
to let you know. I tried <A =
href=3D"http://www.tmn.com/new/">www.tmn.com/new/</A>=20
again and it worked just fine. No cost, and I tried it again just to be=20
sure. Don't know what happened last time, but it wasn't woprking =
so I=20
re-registered. And it is quite easy when it =
works!</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=3D170352114-07082000><FONT color=3D#0000ff face=3DArial =
size=3D2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=3D170352114-07082000><FONT color=3D#0000ff face=3DArial =
size=3D2>Thanks=20
Harrison.</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=3D170352114-07082000><FONT color=3D#0000ff face=3DArial =
size=3D2></FONT></SPAN> </DIV>
<DIV><SPAN class=3D170352114-07082000><FONT color=3D#0000ff face=3DArial =
size=3D2>Larry</FONT></SPAN></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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