ONE OF LIFE'S MYSTERIES
Terry Gibson
terry.gibson at virgin.net
Sat Feb 28 15:45:46 PST 1998
Something to cheer your Monday mornings from the wonderful WWW.
Disclaimer: Not intended as any commentary on Anderson.
Enjoy, Terry
>
> >
> > OBSERVATION: A chicken just crossed the road
> >
> > QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
> > *************************************************
> >
> > Answer(s):
> > KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
> >
> > PLATO: For the greater good.
> >
> > ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
> >
> > KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
> >
> > BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which
> > will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
> > documents, and balance your chequebook.
> >
> > TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would
> > let it take.
> >
> > SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
> > quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
> >
> > RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
> >
> > CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
> before.
> >
> > HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
> >
> > ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side
> > of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The
> chicken
> > was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the
> > competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen
> > Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the
>
> > chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and
> > implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model
> (PIM),
> > Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies,
> knowledge,
> > capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and
>
> > technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program
> > Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse
> > cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with
> Anderson
> > consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to
> engage
> > in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
> personal
> > knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to
> > synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of
> > delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an
> > enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry
> > cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting,
>
> > enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
> strategically
> > based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and
> > unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission,
> vision,
> > and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total
>
> > business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the
> chicken
> > change to become more successful.
> >
> > LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The
> > chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him
>
> > down.
> >
> > MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will
> be
> > free to cross roads without having their motives called into
> question.
> >
> > MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He
> > said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken
>
> > crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
> >
> > FOX MULDER: It doesn't matter! You saw it cross the road with your
> > own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you
> > believe it?
> >
> > RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
>
> > chicken did NOT cross the road.
> >
> > MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
> > cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive
> > there was.
> >
> > JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't
> > anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing
> > walking around all over the place, anyway?"
> >
> > FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
> crossed
> > the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
> >
> > OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the
> > road?" Rather, it is "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
> > whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
> >
> > DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
> > selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to
> cross
> > roads.
> >
> > EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
> > beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
> >
> > BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
> >
> > RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it
> > transcended it.
> >
> > ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
> >
> > COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
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