ONE OF LIFE'S MYSTERIES

Terry Gibson terry.gibson at virgin.net
Sat Feb 28 15:45:46 PST 1998


Something to cheer your Monday mornings from the wonderful WWW.
Disclaimer: Not intended as any commentary on Anderson.

Enjoy, Terry
>

> >
> >      OBSERVATION: A chicken just crossed the road
> >
> >      QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
> >      *************************************************
> >
> >      Answer(s):
> >      KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
> >
> >      PLATO: For the greater good.
> >
> >      ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
> >
> >      KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
> >
> >      BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which
> >      will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
> >      documents, and balance your chequebook.
> >
> >      TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would
> >      let it take.
> >
> >      SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
> >      quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
> >
> >      RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
> >
> >      CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
> before.
> >
> >      HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
> >
> >      ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side
> >      of the road was threatening its dominant market position.  The
> chicken
> >      was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the
> >      competencies required for the newly competitive market.  Andersen
> >      Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the
>
> >      chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and
> >      implementation processes.  Using the Poultry Integration Model
> (PIM),
> >      Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies,
> knowledge,
> >      capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and
>
> >      technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program
> >      Management framework.  Andersen Consulting convened a diverse
> >      cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with
> Anderson
> >      consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to
> engage
> >      in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
> personal
> >      knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to
> >      synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of
> >      delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an
> >      enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry
> >      cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting,
>
> >      enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
> strategically
> >      based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and
> >      unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission,
> vision,
> >      and core values.  This was conducive towards the creation of a total
>
> >      business integration solution.  Andersen Consulting helped the
> chicken
> >      change to become more successful.
> >
> >      LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man.  The
> >      chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him
>
> >      down.
> >
> >      MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will
> be
> >      free to cross roads without having their motives called into
> question.
> >
> >      MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He
> >      said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road."  And the chicken
>
> >      crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
> >
> >      FOX MULDER: It doesn't matter!  You saw it cross the road with your
> >      own eyes.  How many more chickens have to cross the road before you
> >      believe it?
> >
> >      RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road.  I repeat, the
>
> >      chicken did NOT cross the road.
> >
> >      MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road.  Who
> >      cares why?  The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive
> >      there was.
> >
> >      JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road?  I mean, why doesn't
> >      anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing
> >      walking around all over the place, anyway?"
> >
> >      FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
> crossed
> >      the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
> >
> >      OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the
> >      road?"  Rather, it is "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
> >      whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
> >
> >      DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
> >      selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to
> cross
> >      roads.
> >
> >      EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
> >      beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
> >
> >      BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
> >
> >      RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it
> >      transcended it.
> >
> >      ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die.  In the rain.
> >
> >      COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?




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