Fw: humor
Birgitt Bolton
birgitt at worldchat.com
Wed Feb 25 13:38:26 PST 1998
I couldn't resist sending this one to this community that works so hard not
to let people get stereotyped. I hope you enjoy it.
Birgitt
----------
> From: Mike <mnabert at apollo-ent.com>
> To: birgitt at worldchat.com
> Subject: humor
> Date: February 25, 1998 3:57 PM
>
> notes from
> "MANGLING IMPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS"
>
> Copious research has conclusively shown that there are exactly
> two dimensions to human personality: self-control and evangelism.
>
>
> THE SELF-CONTROL SCALE
>
> The self-control scale denotes the degree to which a person maintains
> control of his or her emotions. Humans are evenly distributed along
> this scale with Spock at one end (although he is really half Vulcan) and
> Sally Field at the other (see Figure 1).
>
> Figure 1. Self-Control Scale
>
> Self-Control
> +---------------------------------------+
> | |
> Spock Sally Field
> | |
> Shows absolutely no Operates purely on
> emotion whatsoever, unless emotion. Cries when
> under the influence of mind- reading "The Family Circus"
> altering drugs, such as pod or when nominated for an
> spray. Oscar.
>
>
> THE EVANGELISM SCALE
>
> The evangelism scale denotes the degree to which a person forces his
> or her opinions and beliefs on others. Like the self-control scale,
> humans are evenly distributed on this scale, with Supreme Court
> nominees on one end and Jimmy Swaggert at the other (see Figure 2).
>
> Figure 2. Evangelism Scale
>
> Evangelism
> +---------------------------------------+
> | |
> Supreme Court Justice David Souter Swaggart
> (before being nominated)
> | |
> Opinions could not Offers opinions freely
> even be extricated and without provocation,
> through Senate judicial often frothing at the
> hearings. mouth and sweating
>
profusely.
>
>
> WHERE ARE YOU ON THE SCALES?
>
> Where each person falls on the self-control and evangelism scales is
> genetically predetermined and can be calculated from a questionnaire of
> 20 or so questions that you give to five of your friends/coworkers.
> This questionnaire was scientifically engineered and is backed up by
> copious research, so regardless of who answers this questionnaire
> (convenience store clerks, your mother, your worst enemies), your
> location on the scales is always the same. Oh, there have been some
> exceptions, but they were due to people getting confused when filling in
> the dots on the questionnaire.
>
>
> THE PERSONALITY QUADRANTS
>
> Copious research has shown that there are four quadrants in which we
> can stereotype human personalities (see Figure 3). This graph is
> derived from the two personality scales, with Evangelism as the X axis
> and Self-Control as the Y axis.
>
> Figure 3. The Personality Quadrants
>
> low E v a n g e l i s m high
> (0) +--------------------------+--------------------------+(20)
> | | |
> | | |
> | Anal-Retentives | Megalomaniacs |
> | | |
> | | |
> S | | |
> e | | |
> l | | |
> f | | |
> - | | |
> C +--------------------------+--------------------------+
> o | | |
> n | | |
> t | Spineless Wimps | Psychotics |
> r | | |
> o | | |
> l | | |
> | | |
> | | |
> | | |
> | | |
> +--------------------------+--------------------------+
> high
> (20)
>
> Once your location on the scales is determined, we can plot your
> personality on a graph and pigeon-hole you for life! For example, if
> your questionnaire shows 1 on the Self-Control scale and 1 on the
> Evangelism scale, you would be classified as an Anal-Retentive, and
> are probably enjoying these numbers immensely. If you scored 19 on
> Self-Control and 19 on Evangelism, you are a Psychotic and are
> probably throwing a tantrum at this moment. Of course, there is no
> value judgement placed on any location in the quadrant: It's OK to be
> a Spineless Wimp; it's OK to by Psychotic; it's OK to be where-ever
> you are (although YOUR location is rather abnormal).
>
> By definition, the personality type of a particular quadrant hates the
> personality type in the opposite quadrant. So, ARs hate Psychotics and
> vice versa; likewise for SWs and Megalomaniacs. Understanding the hatred
> between these groups is the first step to building good teamwork!
>
>
> The Anal-Retentive Quadrant (The Author's Quadrant!)
>
> Characteristics: Good with numbers, likes to work with machines
> more than humans, not fun at parties (unless
everyone
> else is AR also), lots of them are engineers.
> Nicknames: Einstein, Good Engineer, Boring, The Computer
> Favorite Phrase: I need more data.
> Handles Conflict by: Playing video games.
> Famous ARs: Carl Sagan, Ayn Rand
>
>
> The Spineless Wimps Quadrant
>
> Characteristics: Always friendly, always agreeable, make you feel
good
> until you turn your back on them, soft handshake,
good
> at organizing parties.
> Nicknames: Ol' Reliable, Mr(s). Happy, Two-Faced Rat
> Favorite Phrase: I agree.
> Handles Conflict by: Giving in and then not inviting you to the next
party.
> Famous SWs: George Bush, Dan Quayle
>
>
> The Megalomaniacs Quadrant
>
> Characteristics: Cold, decisive, power-hungry, has delusions of
> grandeur, lets you know where you stand (usually
> within
> earshot of a crowd), dictatorial.
> Nicknames: Idi Amin, The Dictator, The Robot, The Rotten
Bastard
> Favorite Phrase: You're wrong!
> Handles Conflict by: Killing those who disagree.
> Famous Ms: Saddam Heussin, Alexander Haig
>
>
> The Psychotics Quadrant
>
> Characteristics: Bubbly, bubbly,
so-bubbly-you-want-to-strangle-them,
> obnoxious, insecure, humorous, fun at parties
> (especially when throwing a temper tantrum).
> Nicknames: Barrel-O-Fun, The Clown, The Psycho
> Favorite Phrase: I have a vision.
> Handles Conflict by: Threatening to kill self and everyone else.
> Famous Ps: Sam Kinnison, Sally Field
>
>
> THE FLEXIBILITY SCALE
>
> In addition to the four quadrants, there is another dimension to
> personality (even though I said there were only two before). This other
> dimension is flexibility, also known as schizophrenia. This scale
> denotes how well can a person fake another personality type (see Figure
4).
>
> Figure 4. The Flexibility Scale
>
> +--------------+--------------+-----------------+----------------+
> | | | | |
> Catatonic Paranoid Split Personality Triphrenia
Quadrophenia
> | | | | |
> Does not even Most people Manages to fake Three The
ultimate
> have a are here. an additional personalities! in
flexibil-
> personality. personality. ity.
Can
>
> fake all four
>
> personality
>
> types.
>
> Although we can never change our basic location in the personality
> quadrants, we can strive for and achieve greater flexibility! For
> example, you may be merely paranoid now, but with a little work in this
> course, you could become a split personality or even quadrophenic! The
> key to flexibility is understanding the other personality types so that
> you can quickly and easily pigeon-hole those around you and understand
> what makes them tick. Once you know how to do this, you will find that
> it is much easier to manipulate those around you!
>
>
>
> SUMMARY
>
> You now know everything you need to better mangle impersonal
> relationships. Good luck! And remember: It's much easier to work
> with people once you've stereotyped them.
>
>
>
>
> Mike Nabert
> Virtual Service Inc.
More information about the OSList
mailing list