Fw: humour

[Birgitt Bolton]

More humour. Can't help sharing another one with humour at consultants
included. Disclaimer: Not intended as any commentary on Anderson.

Hope it brings you a smile at the start of your week.
Birgitt
:
> Date: February 23, 1998 10:12 AM
>
>      OBSERVATION: A chicken just crossed the road
>
>      QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
>      *************************************************
>
>      Answer(s):
>      KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
>
>      PLATO: For the greater good.
>
>      ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
>
>      KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
>
>      BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which
>      will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
>      documents, and balance your chequebook.
>
>      TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would
>      let it take.
>
>      SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
>      quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
>
>      RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
>
>      CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
>
>      HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
>
>      ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side
>      of the road was threatening its dominant market position.  The
chicken
>      was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the
>      competencies required for the newly competitive market.  Andersen
>      Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the

>      chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and
>      implementation processes.  Using the Poultry Integration Model
(PIM),
>      Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies,
knowledge,
>      capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and

>      technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program
>      Management framework.  Andersen Consulting convened a diverse
>      cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with
Anderson
>      consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to
engage
>      in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
personal
>      knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to
>      synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of
>      delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an
>      enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry
>      cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting,

>      enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
strategically
>      based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and
>      unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission,
vision,
>      and core values.  This was conducive towards the creation of a total

>      business integration solution.  Andersen Consulting helped the
chicken
>      change to become more successful.
>
>      LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man.  The
>      chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him

>      down.
>
>      MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will
be
>      free to cross roads without having their motives called into
question.
>
>      MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He
>      said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road."  And the chicken

>      crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
>
>      FOX MULDER: It doesn't matter!  You saw it cross the road with your
>      own eyes.  How many more chickens have to cross the road before you
>      believe it?
>
>      RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road.  I repeat, the

>      chicken did NOT cross the road.
>
>      MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road.  Who
>      cares why?  The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive
>      there was.
>
>      JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road?  I mean, why doesn't
>      anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing
>      walking around all over the place, anyway?"
>
>      FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed
>      the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
>
>      OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the
>      road?"  Rather, it is "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
>      whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
>
>      DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
>      selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to
cross
>      roads.
>
>      EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved
>      beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
>
>      BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
>
>      RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it
>      transcended it.
>
>      ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die.  In the rain.
>
>      COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?