[OSList] The Joys of Grief -- With Thanks to Harold

[Elisabeth Tepper Kofod]

Dear Harrison... this is such a beautiful reflection.
With your permission, I'll translate it into Spanish and share it with new
OST facilitators!
Love from Venezuela
Elisabeth


On Sat, Nov 24, 2012 at 12:14 PM, Harrison Owen <hhowen at verizon.net> wrote:

> Harold – the best part of your message came at the end, and for me it was
> the most important therefore deserving its own special note… Something
> about the “Joys of Grief.”****
>
> ** **
>
> Harold said: “As you said in Wave Rider, OST has a deep connection to the
> grieving process that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described as a part of facing
> death. Which for me is fascinating given how much joy I always experience -
> but it is almost always accompanied other deep emotions as well.”****
>
> ** **
>
> You have put your finger on an important point, which may seem paradoxical
> or even contradictory, but really is neither. The truth is, grieving (or
> more properly The Grief Work Process) is fundamentally joyful, even
> triumphant, at least that is the intent which is realized only when the
> process comes to completion. Simply put, it is the way we as human beings
> move from loss to renewal, from ending to new beginning, from the encounter
> with death to the experience of new life. Of course, if the process is
> aborted along the way, the final results are inevitably dismal and painful.
> ****
>
> ** **
>
> Obviously what I have said above can be viewed a total nonsense, or worse,
> but stick with me, and I think I can get you there… But first something
> about the connection to Open Space. It will come as no surprise that I find
> Open Space to be nothing more than self organization at work. In a word,
> Open Space works because self organization works. And, self organization is
> itself a process.****
>
> ** **
>
> The process of self organization can be described in infinite, complex
> detail, but reduced to essentials, the steps are as follows: Order, Chaos,
> New and more complex order. It goes like this. Once upon a time there was
> this organization, a fine human system that lived a comfortable productive
> life. All seemed right with the world, but one day that world changed, and
> what was once a comfortable fit became increasingly challenging. The poor
> organization did all that it could, going this way and that -- seeking a
> path. But to no avail – and comfortable order dissolved into PAINFUL chaos.
> But there is, or at least there can be a next chapter. Through the alchemy
> of self organization new and more complex order appears, and life goes on.
> But the question abides. How do we get from here to there? How do we deal
> with the pain? The answer, I think, is the Grief Work Process.****
>
> ** **
>
> Elisabeth Kübler-Ross made history when she identified and described the
> essential steps we all go through in the face of Death, our own or that of
> another. In my work it became clear that groups of people (organizations)
> go through exactly the same process when faced with ending. And that ending
> can come in all sorts of flavors: the end of a project, the end of a way of
> life, the ending of a company – but the response is identical in all
> situations. At the moment of ending, which I have characterized as an “Oh
> Shit Moment,” there is Shock and Anger. This is followed by Denial, then
> Memories (Stories of how it used to be), Despair – the bitter/sweet instant
> of letting it all go. Then we come to Open Space, intense silence with
> nothing there and everything potential. The process comes to an end when
> two magic words are spoken, “I wonder if…” I wonder if I/we can build a new
> company, find a new career, meet a new life partner. When wonder and
> imagination come together, there you have Vision, and the cycle is complete.
> ****
>
> ** **
>
> Obviously I have covered a lot of territory with very few details. If you
> want more check out my book “Wave Rider.” But hopefully I have said enough
> so that at the least you get the function and flavor of Grief Work. To be
> sure, it begins at a very painful moment, but the end of the story is all
> about joy. Functionally, Griefwork is the means by which we as human beings
> navigate the painful parts of self-organization. Things end, and that is
> always painful. But when they re-organize (self-organize) life goes on, and
> Griefwork gets us there. I find it to be hardwired into our humanity. We
> don’t have to think about it at all – works all by itself. Each step is
> necessary, and none can be skipped, no matter how much we might like to
> move directly from ending to new beginning.****
>
> ** **
>
> Another way of looking at Grief Work – It is what human self-organizing
> systems do as a major part of the adaptive process. And here is the
> connection to Open Space Technology: To the extent that OST is
> self-organization at work, it is equally and also Grief Work at work.
> Knowing this, and being acutely sensitive to what is going on, can be
> extraordinarily helpful to our understanding of what is happening with our
> clients, and what they may be doing/saying/manifesting during the time in
> Open Space. ****
>
> ** **
>
> A related factor is that Griefwork, like all other aspects of self
> organization, function best when there is sufficient time/space (open
> space) to move around in. Things shut down when arbitrary control is
> imposed – and that is sadly what happens often in the everyday world of
> organizations. Most obviously, nobody wants to talk about dying/ending. And
> those who do are often viewed as strange, weird, pessimists, or macabre.
> Definitely a no-no! And when there is such conversation it can only be
> entered into under controlled circumstance – quietly and in moderation. Is
> it any wonder then that when space is suddenly opened, the unspeakable is
> spoken? That Open Space is so often experienced as an amazing passage from
> controlled silence to serious Joy?****
>
> ** **
>
> Thank you Harold for surfacing a critical element in our “practice.” As we
> move along from beginnings, to middles … and ask ourselves about What
> Nexts? – I would believe that we have the details of the process (OST) down
> pretty well, AND I know there are vast areas to explore and understand.***
> *
>
> ** **
>
> Harrison****
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
> ** **
>
>
>
> ****
>
> ** **
>
> Harrison Owen****
>
> 7808 River Falls Dr.****
>
> Potomac, MD 20854****
>
> USA****
>
> ** **
>
> 189 Beaucaire Ave. (summer)****
>
> Camden, Maine 20854****
>
> ** **
>
> Phone 301-365-2093****
>
> (summer)  207-763-3261****
>
> ** **
>
> www.openspaceworld.com <http://www.openspaceworld.com%20> ****
>
> www.ho-image.com <http://www.ho-image.com%20> (Personal Website)****
>
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-- 
*E**lisabeth **T**epper **K**ofod*
*Facilitadora de Procesos de Transformación*
Genuine Contact Professional & Co-owner
Master Practitioner. Coach & Trainer PNL
Terapia Sistémica - Constelaciones Familiares
*A proud member of the Genuine Contact Leadership Management Team*
elitepperk at gmail.com
58 212 986 4254
58 424 256 5855
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