[OSList] The Joys of Grief -- With Thanks to Harold

[Harrison Owen]

Harold – the best part of your message came at the end, and for me it was
the most important therefore deserving its own special note
 Something about
the “Joys of Grief.”

 

Harold said: “As you said in Wave Rider, OST has a deep connection to the
grieving process that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described as a part of facing
death. Which for me is fascinating given how much joy I always experience -
but it is almost always accompanied other deep emotions as well.”

 

You have put your finger on an important point, which may seem paradoxical
or even contradictory, but really is neither. The truth is, grieving (or
more properly The Grief Work Process) is fundamentally joyful, even
triumphant, at least that is the intent which is realized only when the
process comes to completion. Simply put, it is the way we as human beings
move from loss to renewal, from ending to new beginning, from the encounter
with death to the experience of new life. Of course, if the process is
aborted along the way, the final results are inevitably dismal and painful. 

 

Obviously what I have said above can be viewed a total nonsense, or worse,
but stick with me, and I think I can get you there
 But first something
about the connection to Open Space. It will come as no surprise that I find
Open Space to be nothing more than self organization at work. In a word,
Open Space works because self organization works. And, self organization is
itself a process.

 

The process of self organization can be described in infinite, complex
detail, but reduced to essentials, the steps are as follows: Order, Chaos,
New and more complex order. It goes like this. Once upon a time there was
this organization, a fine human system that lived a comfortable productive
life. All seemed right with the world, but one day that world changed, and
what was once a comfortable fit became increasingly challenging. The poor
organization did all that it could, going this way and that -- seeking a
path. But to no avail – and comfortable order dissolved into PAINFUL chaos.
But there is, or at least there can be a next chapter. Through the alchemy
of self organization new and more complex order appears, and life goes on.
But the question abides. How do we get from here to there? How do we deal
with the pain? The answer, I think, is the Grief Work Process.

 

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross made history when she identified and described the
essential steps we all go through in the face of Death, our own or that of
another. In my work it became clear that groups of people (organizations) go
through exactly the same process when faced with ending. And that ending can
come in all sorts of flavors: the end of a project, the end of a way of
life, the ending of a company – but the response is identical in all
situations. At the moment of ending, which I have characterized as an “Oh
Shit Moment,” there is Shock and Anger. This is followed by Denial, then
Memories (Stories of how it used to be), Despair – the bitter/sweet instant
of letting it all go. Then we come to Open Space, intense silence with
nothing there and everything potential. The process comes to an end when two
magic words are spoken, “I wonder if
” I wonder if I/we can build a new
company, find a new career, meet a new life partner. When wonder and
imagination come together, there you have Vision, and the cycle is complete.

 

Obviously I have covered a lot of territory with very few details. If you
want more check out my book “Wave Rider.” But hopefully I have said enough
so that at the least you get the function and flavor of Grief Work. To be
sure, it begins at a very painful moment, but the end of the story is all
about joy. Functionally, Griefwork is the means by which we as human beings
navigate the painful parts of self-organization. Things end, and that is
always painful. But when they re-organize (self-organize) life goes on, and
Griefwork gets us there. I find it to be hardwired into our humanity. We
don’t have to think about it at all – works all by itself. Each step is
necessary, and none can be skipped, no matter how much we might like to move
directly from ending to new beginning.

 

Another way of looking at Grief Work – It is what human self-organizing
systems do as a major part of the adaptive process. And here is the
connection to Open Space Technology: To the extent that OST is
self-organization at work, it is equally and also Grief Work at work.
Knowing this, and being acutely sensitive to what is going on, can be
extraordinarily helpful to our understanding of what is happening with our
clients, and what they may be doing/saying/manifesting during the time in
Open Space. 

 

A related factor is that Griefwork, like all other aspects of self
organization, function best when there is sufficient time/space (open space)
to move around in. Things shut down when arbitrary control is imposed – and
that is sadly what happens often in the everyday world of organizations.
Most obviously, nobody wants to talk about dying/ending. And those who do
are often viewed as strange, weird, pessimists, or macabre. Definitely a
no-no! And when there is such conversation it can only be entered into under
controlled circumstance – quietly and in moderation. Is it any wonder then
that when space is suddenly opened, the unspeakable is spoken? That Open
Space is so often experienced as an amazing passage from controlled silence
to serious Joy?

 

Thank you Harold for surfacing a critical element in our “practice.” As we
move along from beginnings, to middles 
 and ask ourselves about What Nexts?
– I would believe that we have the details of the process (OST) down pretty
well, AND I know there are vast areas to explore and understand.

 

Harrison

 

 

 





 

Harrison Owen

7808 River Falls Dr.

Potomac, MD 20854

USA

 

189 Beaucaire Ave. (summer)

Camden, Maine 20854

 

Phone 301-365-2093

(summer)  207-763-3261

 

www.openspaceworld.com 

www.ho-image.com (Personal Website)

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