[OSList] R: An open space birth.

Fri Jan 20 01:35:42 PST 2012

What a beautiful story Phelim and Matilda!!!! A what beautiful welcome you
gave to Riddley Wilbur. 

Being father of two wonderful kids in these years I have discovered that
Open Space principles and the one law are extremely pertinent also for whom
is practicing the most difficult job in the world - be a parent. 
my I suggest a book to add to your reading list Die kompetente Barn - Jesper
Juul

all the best 
ge

Gerardo de Luzenberger
Mob: +39 3293281343
Tel: +39 02 89751746
Fax: +39 02 87151318 
Skype: gerardodeluz – xge at loci.it 

geniusloci 

facilitation & development
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-----Messaggio originale-----
Da: oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org
[mailto:oslist-bounces at lists.openspacetech.org] Per conto di Phelim
McDermott
Inviato: venerdì 20 gennaio 2012 01:35
A: OSList
Oggetto: [OSList] An open space birth.

Dear open space friends,

Matilda and I have been a little absent from the list and just wanted to
check in with you all as to what's been happening and our extraordinary
start to the year.

For the end of last year I had been working on an Opera at the Met in New
York. Matilda became pregnant in April and because of this work commitment
if we wanted to be together for the birth we had to have it in New York.
Because of the show timing was also an issue. Although we knew that whenever
it happened was the right time, we had also been talking to our baby in the
womb and encouraging it that if it could just hold off a little while it
would get to hear the opera and that if it came during rehearsals it would
probably miss the chance of hearing the baroque music that's supposed to be
so good for your baby in utero! On 31st, Dec 2011 The Enchanted Island
opened. Matilda was there on opening night and we were greatly relieved that
things were happening in the order we had hoped for. 

We then imagined we might even get a bit of a break for preparation before
anything else happened. However, two days later on the evening of the Monday
Matilda's first contractions began. (Whenever it starts is the right time.)
We met our Doula (birthing companion) briefly then went for a meal at the
Italian restaurant on the corner of 8th and C, (It's amazing how quickly
your food arrives if you tell them your wife's having contractions). Then we
went back to our East Village apartment and put up the birthing pool we had
hired, hoping that the midwife’s assurance that it was like approximately 8
big men drinking beer in your kitchen was accurate and it wasn't going to
crash through the floor. Then we went to bed and tried to get some sleep.
Matilda being Matilda there wasn't much of that, nor for the next four
nights. 

Next morning We gathered around the empty birthing pool. This was our
circle. Increasing our numbers with some toy monkeys and an elephant who had
been given as a gift for the baby we opened the space for our birth. We made
An invitation for this new life to come into the world. The principles were
up on our apartment walls and we posted sessions that could happen at any
time. They included “Music and dancing”, “Wise Teachers”, “Love and
welcome”, “Filling the pool” etc.. 

Now if you go through the principles and think about it you’ll realise how
pertinent they are for a genuine birth. Especially when you are hundred
miles from home and dealing with all the things that come with setting up
for the holding of space for the entry of a new life into this world.

Whenever it starts is the right time.
Whoever comes are the right people.
When it's over it's over. (and when not over it's not over of course!)
Whatever happens is the only thing that could have. Wherever it happens is
the right place.

Law of two feet/mobility.

Be prepared to be surprised! 

Amazed at how marginalised the midwifing community is in the USA compared to
Europe we had watched the great film “The business of being born” and had
been given a recommendation by our UK midwife of a midwife in the States. We
discovered it was not only the midwife in this film but that she was living
two streets away from us in the East village opposite a restaurant called
“Matilda”! 

During our pre birth work we had been doing a lot of studying, finding out
about midwifery and had been amazed by Michel Odent's and also Ina May
Gaskin's work. Lots of the literature could easily be interchangeable with
work on creativity/opening space. For example: Odent's  advice that he
usually turns up at a birth and says: “Do you mind if I go take a nap in the
room down the corridor.” Also “the best place for an obstetricians hands are
in his pockets” etc.. All this work is about space.. space.. opening space..
Holding space. Its about trusting in emergence, whilst holding off on
intervention. 

Over the next four days with the help of our amazing Midwife Cara and our
Doula Angelique we went on an extraordinary roller coaster of physical and
emotional experience. They were both fantastic at holding and creating a
safe space for us both and they allowed me to support Matilda in following
herself mentally and physically.  

It was an incredibly challenging birth because of what turned out to be our
little son's position against Matilda's back, so it was very long and
although it looked like we may have to go to hospital at the later stages,
our wonderful Midwife and Doula and their team of helpers who appeared in
various guises throughout the three days pulled us through and our home
birth happened as we had hoped. Others who helped were Pat an astonishing
acupuncturist who turned up on the Thursday night who just happened to be
nearby and gave Matilda "liquid hips”! and Miriam a midwife colleague of
Cara's who appeared because she had texted Cara to meet for a coffee just
when we needed support because it looked like the baby’s heart was slowing.
She walked through the door to see the babies head crowning. Truly whoever
comes are the right people! She then helped getting the baby out fast with
Cara to speed things up as his heart was slowing. We stood Matilda up and
the baby was born not in the pool but in front of our sofa. (Wherever it
happens is the right place.)

As well as them, Matilda was of course amazing and inspiring. Doing it all
without painkillers and using only myself, a birthing pool, the open space
principles and repeated playings of "The Bare Necessities" to get her
through.

At 8.47am on the 6th Jan 2012 the baby was born. Because of his difficult
route his head was squished into a rather dramatic lopsided horn, (“be
prepared to be surprised” and “whatever happens is the only thing that could
have”), which quickly disappeared. Riddley Wilbur McDermott (Whoever comes
are the right people.) is now doing very well. He is particularly beautiful.

Here's a photo of him:

http://clusterform.tumblr.com/post/16137649871/riddley-wilbur-mcdermott-liba
tique-73-lens-kodot

Our birth has now happened. (when it's over it's over) But the space that
has opened where our baby boy now exists is astounding, scary, exhilarating
and profoundly humbling. We love him. 

For our new family it is of course just beginning...  (When it's not over
it's not over.) 

Lots of love

Phelim X

________________________________

I generally pick up emails only at the beginning and end of the working day.
I am currently aiming to respond the following day. If it is urgent please
call me on 07956 187298. 
_____________________________________

www.improbable.co.uk
@openspacer
@wosonos2012

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