Whoever comes and leaves are the wrong people?

[Lisa Heft]

Hi, Lucas -

There is a whole ecology of possibilities and opportunities around
this question / this situation.

Yes - there are some people who no matter what you write do not read it.
So it is quite possible you did everything you could have and ... each
person has their own story and we don't know other peoples' stories.
So it is hard to say why this person was upset - though he named his
upset with an unclear introduction, frustration and discussion versus
a solution orientation *that he could see*. (for often, dialogue is
the action in certain steps along the way).  It is unclear why he is
or was upset - no data - and I would not make an assumption based on
no data. So you could only say 'he said he was unhappy in these ways'.

So it would be hard to know if you could have done anything differently.
Every single person does not love every single meeting. It happens.
It is realistic to say a meeting did not work for someone.

In Open Space, on a few occasions in a high-conflict meeting I have
had people angry and conflicted in some conversation get mad and leave
the room - when I check with them in the hallway and say 'how are you
doing' they share their feelings of frustration or anger. And I say
'well, take good care of yourself, as I see you are doing - I'll see
you when you return.'  And they always (eventually) have returned.

However, if you were to reflect on the constellation of actions and
opportunities around this example - what would you say?

- was the invitation / registration process something that provided 2-
way communication - for example might you have sent a message about a
week before the event saying how delighted you are they are coming,
giving people final details, describing the objectives?

- if he was a person you knew to be of minority opinion / culture -
did you do anything during the invitation process to ensure he (and
others of different viewpoints) had allies? like-minded people or
people he feels differently from but trusts - as fellow participants?

- did you do things to make it as easy for him to access the event as
some others? (financially, transport, housing, information for people
not familiar with the region, etc.)

- is he someone who uses an online message space / reservation
system / update message board or whatever you were using as a natural
part of his online use culture? In other words - was the information
you placed there for all to see actually reaching all different kinds
of users of technology (including those who comfortably and often
check in online and those who do not - who respond more to 'push'
messages into their inboxes)? Is it possible he could not have seen
information about these breakout groups online because that is not how
he interacts with technology surrounding an event?

At the event

- was he - as well as others - received in a collegial way and
welcomed to the site?

- could you or your co-facilitator have been clearer about framing the
task, the instructions, the objectives (including clarifying 'this is
for x, not for action or decisions - that will be a x later time')?

- were you or your co-facilitator observant of the fact that he was
frustrated?

- did anybody talk to him in the hallway when you saw him walk out of
the room - to see how he was doing?

The fact that he is named as an opponent to change is

a) not a sole reason for him to be uncomfortable - there are often
other reasons for people to be unhappy and uncomfortable, and
b) often a way people are described by the greater group or the
organizers and that languaging can predispose people to seeing him
that way - perhaps there's another way to describe him (besides an
'opponent to change') so folks see his gifts even if they do not agree
with him

He had enough interest to come 275 miles to an event and take the time
away from his other work.

The fact that it was not Open Space also means I do not know how the
process worked - when not Open Space, often some people are upset
because someone else pre-selects topics and that's not how they would
have said it or what they feel is priority at all.  Sometimes in a
process individuals do not feel they have liberty to step away from
something they feel is not productive for them - until if they feel as
bad as he did they leave to do something they feel is more
productive.  Sometimes people feel rushed as not enough time is given
for the interchange. Sometimes the instructions or the process are not
made clear. Those things can add to a person's frustration.

Have you followed up with him to ask him to share his thinking? (not
to 'solve' - but to truly listen without trying to change or explain
another viewpoint)? Has he been given witness for his concerns?

To me, he was the right people. Whoever leaves are the right people,
too.

Lisa


On Mar 27, 2011, at 6:37 PM, Lucas Cioffi wrote:

> Hi All,
>
> We've all heard that "whoever comes are the right people;" does that
> also imply that "whoever comes and leaves are the wrong people"
> too?  I'm wondering if any of you have experience with people
> leaving in anger?
>
> Here's my recent experience...
> My co-facilitator received this comment in response to a post-event
> survey:
> "I for one was not impressed, I traveled 275 miles to attend, cost
> the government quiet a bit of money and left after the first
> breakout group.  There was not even enough of an introduction to let
> people know what exactly what was going on.  Had I known that this
> was going to break out groups talking about whatever with no actual
> solutions to what the problem was or no direction on how to overcome
> the problem I would not have attended.  With the budget being what
> it is I feel this was a total waste of money."
>
> Some more context:
> This was a workshop about internal transparency, held at a typical
> federal government agency in DC.
> This person is well-known as an opponent to change at the agency.
> The workshop was not an open space event nor advertised as an open
> space event, but it did include break-out groups and participants
> did populate an agenda wall for two breakout sessions.  Because of
> the similarities in design, I think this episode may be of interest
> to the group.
> These breakout groups were announced on the RSVP site, so this
> person had an opportunity to know what was going to happen at the
> event.  Of course people are busy so often they don't know what
> they're signing up for, and I'm not going to blame this person for
> that.
> Anyway, has someone ever left your event completely frustrated?  Did
> you do anything about it?  I look forward to your thoughts.
>
> Lucas
>

*
*
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