Random conversations on the underground

Sat Nov 20 09:38:55 PST 2010

Just to follow up on Anne’s posting below – I have just posted the following on the blogspot: http://scarletwindmill.blogspot.com/2010/11/were-all-in-this-together-inquiry.html

______________

BREAKING NEWS: British reserve is a myth!

I have been reflecting on our circular, inclusive, random and underground conference on the theme of ‘we are all in this together’. Here are some of the thoughts I have been left with:

The famous ‘British reserve’ may not be so reserved. I found that the nearly all the people I approached were willing to have a conversation. Maybe I just chose conversational people, of course. But maybe, just maybe, people are more willing to talk than we sometimes believe.

There was a distinct sadness in some people. 

I remember the person from the construction industry who said wistfully that whilst the builders, the architects, the surveyors, the contractors (and so forth) really ought to work as if they were all in this together – they don’t. He seemed very sad about this – and regretted that people, instead, retrenched and retreated into their silos. (Perhaps we will know that people do believe we are all in this together when we see more collaborative working across the divides that... divide us.)

There was also sadness in the otherwise very jolly couple from San Francisco – who, it seemed, spent their time visiting friends whom they had met on previous visits. But they were sad that in America people were far more discourteous than ever before and reached for the ‘finger’ all too easily.

But out of sadness and grief came resolution and optimism. I recall the woman who declared herself very much a ‘glass half full’ kind of person which she traced back to when her Father died when she was quite young. She said this event gave her the courage to grab each day and each opportunity to make the most of what she had. 

I was saddened, a little, by the conversation I had with the young woman from M&S – who wished for much more of the ‘we are all in this together’ spirit in her own workplace. She said instead that the place was riven by cliques and departmental battles. 

There was the woman who worked for a bank and said she would sometimes tell people she worked as a dancer – just to avoid the inevitable conversations about how evil she was! Or rather she said that she thought about pretending to be someone else but never quite did it. 

But in all this sadness there was hope and determination – and a recognition – that if we have any chance to get out of the mess we are in then we are going to have to make ‘we are all in this together’ a meaningful reality.

Perhaps the most radical thing that anyone can do to address the fragmented, worried and greedy society that it appears that we live in, is to start up a conversation with a complete stranger and see what happens. We may be surprised by the outcome.

Here’s to the revolution – one conversation at a time!

___________

Do add any thoughts you might have here – or on the blog.  Thanks!

And yes Michael, thought I never met him, I could quite imagine that Colin Morely would have loved to have taken part too: Just came across this story (there is an inquest currently going on into the 7/7/05 bombings in London):

http://news.scotsman.com/uk/77-inqueset-Death-of-a.6617869.jp

7/7 inquest: Death of a genius

Published Date: 09 November 2010

A MARKETING "genius" was preparing to dedicate his life towards "making the world a better place" when he was killed.

Colin Morley, 52, of Finchley, north London, was described by his wife, Ros, as a highly skilled marketing and advertising executive who never lost his passion for learning and had an unstoppable zest for life. In a statement read at the inquests, Mrs Morley said the couple were preparing to move to St Albans to spend more time together and do work that was closer to his heart. She said: "He was so excited and positive about how he might help improve the place we were living in a broad strategic sense." 

In peace 

Jon

From: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU] On Behalf Of ANNE BENNETT
Sent: 19 November 2010 18:50
To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
Subject: Re: speaking from the center

Here is a story from today, 'speaking from the circle', this time the Circle line of the London Underground. The amazing Jon Harvey, friends Winston Moore and Anthony Albert Moore Bastos and myself undertook a small experiment - we 'opened space' on a sunny subterranean Friday afternoon between station stops with travellers hopping on and off with fellow strangers - what kind of space, we are now asking [why is certainly another question - see www.scarletwindmill.blogspot.com] ? Well we each felt the sanctity of the internal space - the independent and private and protected individual passenger...the very British reserve in two of our team, and the very Bolivian warmth of the other two. We encountered the solo, the coupled, the groups, different personalities, different moods, different reactions - a (surprising? assumptions becoming conscious) large proportion wanted to connect, to engage, to support the idea of direct human communication (in unexpected context, contrasting the exclusion that comes with those engrossing phones and web-based garrulousness) - so many non-Brits so adamant that London is a friendly and chatty place, the word 'sorry' comes before the offensive gesture, the ear-phones were readily removed, the wary smiles wanting to be reassured - and of course we were at our least intimidating/weird [entirely subjective I guess] - and plenty of others did not get disturbed through unconscious/unobservable collusion. Jon feared that standing over the seated passenger would be wrong, I felt that this made me seem less committed/imposing than sitting besides....our young colleague was boldest in inviting strangers to converse with each other (bypassing our estimable facilitation). A sense of community/social capital circulating on the circle today? [in the midst of news stories here about 'who is having a good/bad time of it really?', and what measures happiness, and how people were Good Samaritans or Apathetic Bystanders during our tube terror attacks in 2005, etc etc] - an existential moment is opened - a psychic and social space.

On the subject of 'owning' a theme, and of 'engaging too intimately' with the people doing the work...here we were more authentic (conscious/sentient/reflective practitioners?) I think - a pure disengagement/affected indifference is as great a risk to the quality of interaction and outcomes as the unthinking misuse of the hosting power? We were drawn into our agendas, we looked for appreciative inquiry, we drew on our practice and experience with (among other things) group relations, systems thinking and Zeldin's big conversations...would love to hear more from people drawing on meta-methodologies to weave these new human fabrics.... 

Anne 

  _____  

From: Suzanne Daigle <sdaigle4 at gmail.com>
To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
Sent: Friday, 19 November, 2010 12:06:57
Subject: Re: speaking from the center

Dear Michael (first) and all the other amazing people who have spoken here also,

Meshing the physical, the words, the feel, the intention: how well you have described this Michael starting with the beautiful example of the wheel chair. In that moment, I somehow felt what it must feel like to be sitting in a wheel chair and how often, they must feel people tower over them. Not wanting to tower over people by being too close can also happen as my eyes meet those of the participants so I apply this same intention leaving private space for people to breathe into what they are feeling, nervous, uncomfortable, etc. That's why as I let my eyes meet those of the participants walking the circle for the first times, with some people it may only be a split second, with others a tiny bit longer. I want to honor and respect their physical space and internal space. 

I also just love the transition you describe from the focus on you to the group beginning to focus on itself while walking the circle. Harrison mentions how he invites the group to let their eyes go around the circle; your description brings awareness to this transition.

And then finally, the pre-work you speak of in weeks and months) which I have also experienced, feeling at times it is a journey of mutual courage to accompany a client and a team as they wrestle with the difficult moments of inviting people to something that they cannot fully describe as most often they have not experienced open space themselves.  I am always humbled by their trust and the deep relationship that develops. 

 But oh my....what I have understood so "painfully" just now is what I have done wrong too many times, "caring too much" for the theme, sometimes almost more than the sponsor or host.  When the theme touches my sense of values and principles, I become so energized...too energized during the pre-work and I know now (painfully but with such appreciation to you Michael for bringing it to a very deep awareness for me) that in doing so I was consuming space that belongs to the host and the group.  Learning this and practicing this will be my next very big challenge. I also realize now that by engaging too much on the theme with the host, it can make the post-work all the more difficult. I think that perhaps my relationship with the host/team may be too close.  

 Now to lighten the topic a bit, I agree Harold that it's so wonderful walking the circle when we know some or many of the participants.  I've often thought of opening space is the same way that I like to welcome people to my home.  Typically in the most comfortable way possible (not too stuffy or fancy or to impress) I prepare everything ahead (food, space, dishes, fridge full, welcoming, tidied up and clean with time before they arrive for me to relax and imagine them there). Then my mission is to have my home become their home, no hosting or working/serving just showing them where stuff is and then letting everyone be equal to just relax and have a great time. 

 Hugs to all, smiling now as I think of all this wonderful insight for Eleder, who in the end need only remember to just be himself and enjoy.

 Suzanne

On Fri, Nov 19, 2010 at 5:44 AM, Michael M Pannwitz <mmpanne at boscop.org> wrote:

A few years ago I badly strained my foot and could move about only in a wheel chair... which I also did facilitating an open space with 200 highschool students on the issue of racism ("Me, a racist?" was the theme). I did feel very relaxed being "de-elevated" and at the same level with the students as I "walked" the circle.
Reflecting on that experience I now always take care to have a circle of at least 10 meters in diameter so that I am not too close to the seated participants, too towering as I walk (my habit is to walk it once or a bit more than once, sometimes two times... changing my mode of movement after that "focusing the group" part which I do with the idea that the group begins to focus on itself... and eventually using the entire space as a dancer would on a stage with the idea that it is a space that can be used in all ways possible).

On prework: I do work intensively with the sponsor and the planning group on all aspects of the event sometimes months before the OS event itself with the result that I get to know them, they get to know me and, of course, I also get to know about their theme and what it is they want to achieve.
All that I now consider a side-effect.
What I am really interested in is that they craft their event and that they are clear on their theme and on what they want to achieve.
I, however, focus on the myriad of things that I know support their work: the space, the time, the material, the food, the documentation technicalities, the public address system, the team, the briefing of the sponsor, facilitating the planning meeting and the Next Meeting(s) after the event... and, of course, getting myself into the mysterious mode of "presence and invisibility".
Essentially, my relationship with the theme will not substitute their passion for it. I respect it, yes. And my relationship with the people which inadvertendly developes is much less essential than the spirit that developes in the Planning Group, for instance. I love them, yes.
My experience is that me getting into the theme (more than even the participants) or my relationship with the Planning Group becoming intensive (more than the relationship between the members of the Planning Group) can deflect the focus in a way that both my presence and invisibility necessary for my focus on space and time for the forces of selforganisation are deminished.
Greetings from Berlin
mmp

Harold Shinsato wrote:

 Great sharings from all around...

This might also help... something I read in a book about llama care. Llamas don't like to be touched normally, but if you do it often enough they become desensitized and won't mind being touched and handled. The same is true for a lot of things humans don't feel comfortable about - at first. It's one of the reasons Lisa's training was so valuable for me - getting experience walking and talking in the circle "desensitizes" to the discomfort so one can spend more time tuning into the energy of the room and being what they need from me as a facilitator. That's also a lot easier when I already feel I have a relationship with the theme and the people because of strong pre-work (another thing Lisa emphasizes).

It has also helped knowing a lot of the people in the room - getting a chance to talk make eye contact even before getting into the circle, and having some friendly faces to help remember it's all good.

And the trick that Harrison mentioned is also something that Dale Carnegie put in his "How to Win Friends and Influence People" classic. If you feel nervous, just admit it and move on. The transparency puts people at ease and you stop having to fight wondering whether anyone is noticing that you are nervous.

   Harold

On 11/18/10 9:42 PM, Lisa Heft wrote:

Hello, dear Eleder - once again you ask great questions.

Everyone has shared so wonderfully.
The only things I would add are:

In my Open Space Learning Workshop one of the things folks do is practice walking and talking in that circle.
And yes - others have mentioned as you have their concern with having their backs to someone as they speak.

What they have found is similar to what was mentioned here - if you look a few people ahead and keep moving (slowly, breathing, present) you are indeed never having your back to anyone for very long. If you turn your head as you move you are including people behind you as you travel, as well. If your voice is loud enough or you have a microphone everyone can hear you even if you are not facing everyone.

Of course this is all different if some people in your circle have any hearing differences such as deafness or other hearing loss - so it is always good to ask on registration forms who has any access / ability / mobility issues they would like to bring to event coordinators' attention. Then you have this extra info if you need it for some individuals, and can give them extra eye contact or some notes as well.

*
/
It is true that having too small a circle and towering over people is hard for them - so do make a nice big circle with room in between each chair. And if it is too small on the inside I see no problem with walking the outside of the circle (though when I have done this some of my OS colleagues have *gasped* !.  But it is so I do not close everyone in too tightly, in those instances.

I have also learned from my workshop participants that if you have any nervousness about looking people in the eye, try instead....looking at the tops of their heads (!).
It often feels like you are looking at them - try it.

But I think you will become more and more comfortable as you practice, sort how you like to say things, and experience yourself doing it more and more.

Sometimes if it is a tense event to come - I may set up the circle and then walk, it, before any participants arrive. And I envision the participants and their listening faces, and I smile and welcome them before they get there.

Mostly - Suzanne said it so well: it is of course not about you. It is about them. So if you focus on them and on making your voice and the instructions something they can hear and that invites them, then once you begin you are in partnership with them - and they can feel it...

And the other 'mostly' is: remember you are in your walking, your breathing, your explaining - creating a container that is open and welcoming and has tools and a process - so that they can do their best work.
You are with your walk, your voice, your instructions, your breathing... weaving that open and inviting container. And in your walking you are invoking (calling in) energy.  
And you know how to do that, dear Eleder - just.... breathe.... and ... go.... and be amazed, as I know you are....

Lisa

Lisa Heft
/
*
Consultant, Facilitator, Educator
*Opening Space*

lisaheft at openingspace.net <mailto:lisaheft at openingspace.net>

-- 
Harold Shinsato
harold at shinsato.com <mailto:harold at shinsato.com>
http://shinsato.com
twitter: @hajush <http://twitter.com/hajush>

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