requests and invitations; NVC and OST

[Raffi Aftandelian]

Friends,

This end-of-the-year query is directed especially to those who have some
familiarity with Compassionate Communication/Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
and I'd love to hear from all of you!

I'm wondering what is the difference for you between a request and an
invitation, especially in the context of cultivating inspired leadership?

A little bit of context-

The NVC model - as best as I currently understand it- teaches making an
action step, making a "request" of oneself or another- following connecting
with one (or another person's) feelings and needs (what the other person
values). The model teaches that this connection can take place either
verbally or nonverbally. 

Sometimes that action step is a request to connect, to hear more about where
the other person is coming from. Sometimes that's a request for action on
the part of the other person.

What I've noticed is that when I read requests made of me- for example when
I read materials from an official NVC website about what is "requested" of
others before attending a workshop-- that my energy level goes way down. I
don't feel very connected and I don't feel very motivated.

Also, I've heard it said privately by another longtime passionate OST
facilitator who is on the OSlist, that the "personal leadership piece is
missing in OST." So, perhaps there *is* a place for requests???

I've heard a tentative hypothesis by one friend of NVC (who is an OST-friend
and on our list) that an invitation comes from a higher level of
consciousness (than requests). An invitation seems to inspire, to operate
from freedom.

That makes me wonder is the practice of making a request, including a
"connecting request" (expressing a desire to understand) comes from the
Green Meme in Spiral Dynamics, while invitation is more of a Yellow meme
practice? (I'm not sure framing this question this way is helpful, but just
putting this out there to just stir the pot more).

All of this is relevant for me as I co-host a biweekly NVC practice space (2
hour gathering) and a bimonthly daylong NVC practice gathering. The former
is held in a Whole Person Process Facilitation container, using OST
principles (this means we don't call it "pure" OST-- rather there is an
opportunity to self-connect and get to know each other a little bit and then
we create the agenda and get to work, then reconvene in large circle; we're
a group of 7-15 each time). The latter is almost pure OST-- we start with a
short meditation for self-connection and then it's pure OST from there.

An ongoing concern is how to support "integrity and competence" in NVC
practice. We don't have any requirements (or requests)- yet!- of people who
come in terms of skill level or knowledge before coming. And we find that
while the space we create is great for community-building, we are unsure
about the amount of learning that takes place. People show up - or not- as
they see fit. People may have very limited knowledge of NVC practice

And thus far, we haven't made requests of those attending, in part because I
find when I imagine making requests - whether to take a course or read a
book about NVC- that my level of energy goes down. To use a judgement word-
it sounds like being controlling. And at the same time, I really wish for a
practice space where we work with NVC with some level of integrity and
competence. 

Any thoughts??? Auggestions? Ideas??

Thanks much!

happy holidays!
warmly,
raffi

San Diego (which is not sunny, but is having record-breaking rain! San
Seattle??)

p.s. I'll be x-posting to an NVC e-group as well...

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