Perfectionism, RE: life in open space

Fri Oct 27 06:39:26 PDT 2006

Hello,

People who consider themselves as perfectionists are the people who are 
"very afraid" mostly.
They can be afraid of many things, mostly they are afraid of their own 
Minds..:-) These people can show up as artists, idealists, businessman... 
They are also very easy to identify themselves with things. Ost can even be 
an identification at the beginning; the feeling of "changing the world" too.
We are afraid because we are educated to consider happennings in life as 
success or failure. And add the fear of being judged by others.. Is there 
success and failure in life, really?
At the end i think there isn't.   I love the song saying: "You are free to 
be free"... i believe God wants us all to "be" ! Nothing more...
A friend told me once on the phone:  "Nevermind, Never Your Mind!" I laughed 
.. (we were talking about Kurt Cobain and the album Nevermind:-) (Poor Kurt 
nevered his mind at the end but some people like me still believe he didn't 
do it himself)
And that was the time that i made something that was considered as a mistake 
about an Ost event. I was fired being told i was over qualified to work 
with, and it turned out to be one of the best "mistakes" i have ever made in 
life. I was so sad for some time then i found myself praying God " thanks 
for letting me do it"

Please trust life and you'll see things will find their way, it may be in a 
short term too, just relax when you feel you design the process with your 
mind.  :-) They say Borges told once "I will make more mistakes when i have 
another life" Are there mistakes really?
In Turkey there is an old Sufi saying " This also passes" I dont know if i 
could translate it well.

The thing that happended in your area was the only one that could happen:-)
May peace be with you.

Love

Can

From: Phelim McDermott <phelim at mac.com>
>Reply-To: OSLIST <OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU>
>To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
>Subject: life in open space
>Date: Sun, 22 Oct 2006 00:27:01 +0100
>
>Hello folks,
>
>OK guys here's the scenario. And sadly I have to pussy foot here.
>
>So I apologise if there's code happening..
>
>You do an open space gig which you set up yourself.. and it causes a  bit 
>of a stir. Of course.. It works.  So people talk about it and you  get 
>asked to do some more. By other people in the same sector..the  arts..
>
>As ever you feel like you're simultaneously a sort of "joan of ark"  
>because of your passion and at the same time a pretender...  I mean  
>there's people out there who have been doing this for years ..  however you 
>take courage because as Harrison says anyone with a good  heart... etc   
>and today you feel ok about where you're coming from.
>
>Anyway..  through various connections the big gig comes knocking on  your 
>door.  it's something you really care about. its close to your  own passion 
>its a real opportunity and its a major kudos gig for your  own company.. in 
>lots of ways and you start to talk with them about  it.....
>
>Then as you talk you begin to suspect that they want open space cos  it 
>looks like it does certain things ie involves people, looks  democratic but 
>you suspect...
>
>that they dont REALLY WANT to open space they want to look like they  
>opened space cos that will buy them some "cred.". Then they can say  they 
>consulted and opened it out but then they did what they did.
>
>When they say they want one day rather than two you suspect its cos  they 
>fear what might come up if there's more time.
>
>they say THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE wont come to a two day event but they  will 
>to a one day.
>
>Because its your own environment you have an emotional response to  this 
>and fight even harder for the value of two days... obvious reasons.
>
>They make a demand that it happens within an unrealistic time frame  
>without really even knowing what the theme or the BIG QUESTION might  be. 
>They want you to do it with at least SIX different groups... (I  said it 
>was a BIG GIG)
>
>You know you could just  say yes and some wonderful things might  happen 
>because you opened space on an issue in an area thats really  important to 
>you but you also know it's a compromise..
>
>the more they say do six one day events the more you find yourself  arguing 
>for TWO DAYS
>
>THE  MORE THEY SAY YES BUT WE NEED TO MOVE FAST YOU SAY..
>
>yes If you slow down make sure the invitations are right before we  
>proceed... you will move faster..
>
>You find yourself asking...... If it was someone who wasnt so  emotionally 
>involved would they just go with what they were asking for?
>
>You realise its happening...
>
>  yes... you are TALKING YOUR WAY OUT OF A REALLY BIG GIG...
>
>You dont want to do open space to tick someone's cool consultation box..
>
>as you are making your decision
>
>You simultaneously feel noble and STUPID..
>
>You find yourself getting more demanding and outrageous in your  
>suggestions...
>
>"Forget six separate gigs do ONE enormous g
>ig if you really want to sort this... get some diversity and .ask the  BIG 
>question!"
>
>You also know actually this is true  !  it would be amazing  but are  
>already seeing that maybe it's not going to happen.. there will be  
>different gigs happening they will probably even ask someone else in  to do 
>open space because we said we couldnt do it to their schedule...
>
>You tell them you dont feel its right for us to do this gig and they  
>probably want something other than open space
>
>You feel a bit crap.. and dont quite know what happened..
>
>You feel like you've failed because you didn't manage to communicate  well 
>about why you were being so adamant about certain things..
>
>you feel a bit isolated..
>
>you know its good long term but momentarily you feel sad..
>
>You hope someone else understands how you're feeling..
>
>Phelimxx
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>*
>*
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>From  Fri Oct 27 17:44:52 2006
Message-Id: <FRI.27.OCT.2006.174452.0400.>
Date: Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:44:52 -0400
Reply-To: 76066.515 at compuserve.com
To: OSLIST <OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU>
From: douglas germann <76066.515 at compuserve.com>
Subject: Re: Perfectionism, RE: life in open space
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Can--

I love this part below. It is an epiphany for me. Thank you. I shall
quote you often on this.

			:- Doug. Germann

On Fri, 2006-10-27 at 13:39 +0000, can uludag wrote:
> We are afraid because we are educated to consider happennings in life
> as success or failure.... Is there success and failure in life,
> really? At the end i think there isn't.  

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