debates and conversations

Raffi Aftandelian raffi at bk.ru
Sun Oct 2 00:37:21 PDT 2005


I began thinking about this when I made a very good connection with
someone on this list this spring.

We went as far as to arrange an intercontinental phone conversation to
hear more of each other.

The quality of her presence in the conversation so brought to my
attention the amount of unfocused (aggressive?) energy in a
conversation. I might even use the right (conversation not debate)
words, but I realized then just how much "presencing" it takes to
really engage, to just let the words and her energy enter me, without
thinking about what I want to say next, without letting myself think
ahead of myself.

And people say I'm a good listener, I'm open, etc.,
etc. etc.

This new dear friend went to the trouble of faxing 9 pages of a book
on having quality conversations.

I think the book looks like a great resource. And I have bought it.

That said, it was fascinating to see how much there was "telling"
energy between the lines in this book. One of the meta-messages I
inferred went something like this: "OK, listen up now, let me *tell* you
how we don't know how to have real, engaging conversations. I almost
broke up into a laughing fit.

That said, I continue to be amazed at how os creates space for people
to access skills they have always had anyway. We always have known how
to listen, how to engage. It may just be about intention, building a
common frequency.

I think the day I'll stop opening space is the day I find miracles
to be, well...boring.

Warmly from a (very) unseasonably warm Moscow,
raffi


                          mailto:raffi at bk.ru

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