Comparing methodologies

[Ashley Cooper]

julie,

thank you so much...for sharing with us and for trusting so fully in the
abilities of those children. a truely inspirational story.

with love,
ashley

p.s. welcome Lynda.




> [Original Message]
> From: Julie Smith <jsmith at mosquitonet.com>
> To: <OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU>
> Date: 9/15/2003 2:12:41 PM
> Subject: Re: Comparing methodologies
>
> Chris and All ~
>
> Your story about leaving the room (because you needed to) brings to mind
> my most recent OST, where I stayed visibly present in the room (because
> I needed to).  I offer this because I think the art of living, and of
> OST, is to know when to be visible, and when to be invisible; when to
> speak, and when to be silent.  Not yin or yang, but both yin and yang.
> (I bring this up because it seems to me that our OST conversation tends
> to articulate and support OST as a way for facilitators to express the
> receptive yin, and provides less permission for facilitators to express
> the assertive yang.  I think wholeness as a human being and as a
> facilitator requires comfort with and ability to express both.)
>
> Two weeks ago I facilitated an OST for a class of 30 7th and 8th graders
> (12 - 14 years old) in one of our local schools.  When I met with them
> the prior week to plan the OST, it was clear there were many conflicts
> impeding the harmony of the classroom.  They were pretty sure OST
> wouldn't work for them, but they agreed they were willing to give it a
> try.  They decided on a theme of "Respect In Our Classroom."  We were
> allotted 3 hours (a relatively long period of time in a classroom
> setting).  I left the planning meeting curious, but unconcerned.  I
> expected a typical OST to follow.
>
> My first inkling that this would not be business as usual was during the
> posting of topics.  Insults were slung freely.  Arguments erupted.
> Emotional appeals for intervention were made to the teacher.  The
> wording of a posted topic was altered without permission of the original
> author. General mayhem ensued.  The teacher was very worried, and needed
> some semblance of order.  We all did.  The students actively ignored my
> presence in the circle and my requests for attention.  Finally, somehow,
> I had their attention.  I suggested that the best way for them to talk
> about their issues was to start the sessions.  I also told them that
> given the level of dissension in the room, I would be willing to
> facilitate a mediation between conflicting parties if invited to do so.
> (I'm not sure what I think about this choice, but this is what I did.)
>
> All but a handful of students ended up in one session, where the
> discussion again raged at full tilt.  Students talked over each other in
> a heated frenzy of words.  The noise level escalated.  Students shouted
> to be heard. Some students stood up and talked even louder to gain
> attention.  Several students attempted to take a leading role in
> facilitating the conversation, but failed.  One student came to me to
> tell me how he was trying to help the group, as if he wanted me to
> anoint him the facilitator.  I told him I couldn't do that, and observed
> that he wasn't exactly a neutral person in the group, and that might be
> why he wasn't being allowed to facilitate.  I also told him I would be
> willing to come in and try to help the group hold their conversation,
> but only if the group invited me to do so.  He went back.  They voted on
> whether they wanted my help.  The vote was about 50% for and 50%
> against.  He decided that meant they didn't want my help.  The battle
> raged.  Two students faced off, then backed down. I was worried.  The
> teacher was VERY worried.  I seriously considered intervening without
> invitation, but kept resisting that impulse, wanting to give them every
> opportunity to make the process work.  Finally, a key student (I'll call
> her Ann) left the room.  Ann was the student who seemed to magnetize the
> most energy and drama.  If I believed in space invaders, I might have
> thought her one.  Wherever she went, fireworks erupted.  When she left,
> everything changed.  Whew.  (Harrison, our conversation of old helped me
> get through this.  In retrospect I can see that you were exactly right.
> There was enough space for her to leave, and leave she did.  That made
> what happened next possible.)
>
> After Ann left, the original group dispersed and mostly reformed in a
> different space for the next session.  They selected a respected (and
> neutral) classmate to facilitate the discussion.  This conversation was
> important because it concerned the care of another living being, the
> classroom gecko.  It turns out Ann was the gecko's current caretaker,
> and there were some concerns about feeding and cleanliness.  The group
> agreed on the identification of care issues, and they carefully thought
> through how they wanted to approach the topic with Ann.  They agreed to
> send a person she trusted to talk with her about the issues, and he
> decided to ask me to accompany him to do so.  Ann was back in the
> regular classroom.  We walked there to talk with her.  At first she
> refused to talk, then gave me a long look, and agreed.  The conversation
> took less than a minute.  He gave her information she didn't have (where
> the food for the crickets was stored, why the crickets were dying before
> they were fed to the gecko, how often the aquarium should be cleaned).
> She was relieved to have the information because it resolved many of her
> concerns for the gecko.  She clearly wanted to take good care of the
> gecko.  She thanked him for the information.  They agreed they would
> talk again if any new problems developed.
>
> The boy walked away, problem solved.  Ann muttered under her breath that
> the people she REALLY wanted to talk with were two other boys.  I
> accepted her invitation, and asked what she wanted to talk with them
> about.  She said she couldn't say, because one of her teachers had told
> her not to talk about it.  I asked her if she could tell me.  Her eyes
> welled up with tears.  She told me a friend had died a year ago, and the
> two boys had spread rumors about him. She said she didn't understand why
> they did that, and since that time she could barely stand to look at
> either of them.  I asked her if she wanted me to talk with her teacher
> to see if it would be okay if she talked with them about it.  She said
> yes.  By the time I came back to the room, they had somehow already
> gathered and begun talking.  I quietly sat down on the floor next to
> them.  She told of her long friendship with her friend, how sad she was
> when he died, and the memories it raised of other losses in her life.
> The boys were both deeply respectful.  They listened fully as she spoke.
> They asked questions.  Both told of the serious consequences they had
> received from their parents for what they had done.  One revealed the
> losses he was facing in his life, and his sadness that his father was
> again stationed in Afghanistan.  She listened and expressed sympathy for
> his situation.  One was very remorseful, and expressed a sincere and
> heartfelt apology.  The other expressed less remorse because he was a
> friend to a girl who had been seriously harmed by the boy who died.  He
> felt a deep loyalty to his friend and her suffering.  Still, he
> expressed a sincere apology for hurting Ann, something he never intended
> to do.  Ann dried her tears and said she felt better.  The boys again
> apologized.  Again, whew.  (I now understand "whew."  It is the out
> breath of release and relief.)
>
> I went back to our OST meeting room.  In between things I had been
> watching a very quiet and reserved young boy who had spent the entire
> time in his own session.  He had taken some flip chart paper and markers
> and created a poster titled "Respecting Each Other."  He wrote if
> someone was crying we should ask them what was wrong, and that we should
> be compassionate and merciful.  He didn't know how to spell
> compassionate and merciful, so he found a dictionary and made sure he
> spelled them right.  And then he defined each of those word.  Then he
> added a little more about being loving and kind.  I could have hugged
> him.
>
> We did a short talking stick closing.  People still wanted to talk after
> one pass, so we did a second round.
>
> And then we were done.  They went back to class and I slowly put the
> room back in order, filled with the wonder of it all.
>
> Julie
>
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