Comparing methodologies

[BJ Peters]

I'm just back from Palm Springs where I had the good fortune to attend
the conference put on jointly by the Institute of Noetic Sciences and
the Association for Global New Thought. It was awesome!

Julie-- This story is also awesome! Another testimony to the power of
presence and open space. Thanks for sharing it with us!

BJ Peters

Julie Smith wrote:

>Chris and All ~
>
>Your story about leaving the room (because you needed to) brings to mind
>my most recent OST, where I stayed visibly present in the room (because
>I needed to).  I offer this because I think the art of living, and of
>OST, is to know when to be visible, and when to be invisible; when to
>speak, and when to be silent.  Not yin or yang, but both yin and yang.
>(I bring this up because it seems to me that our OST conversation tends
>to articulate and support OST as a way for facilitators to express the
>receptive yin, and provides less permission for facilitators to express
>the assertive yang.  I think wholeness as a human being and as a
>facilitator requires comfort with and ability to express both.)
>
>Two weeks ago I facilitated an OST for a class of 30 7th and 8th graders
>(12 - 14 years old) in one of our local schools.  When I met with them
>the prior week to plan the OST, it was clear there were many conflicts
>impeding the harmony of the classroom.  They were pretty sure OST
>wouldn't work for them, but they agreed they were willing to give it a
>try.  They decided on a theme of "Respect In Our Classroom."  We were
>allotted 3 hours (a relatively long period of time in a classroom
>setting).  I left the planning meeting curious, but unconcerned.  I
>expected a typical OST to follow.
>
>My first inkling that this would not be business as usual was during the
>posting of topics.  Insults were slung freely.  Arguments erupted.
>Emotional appeals for intervention were made to the teacher.  The
>wording of a posted topic was altered without permission of the original
>author. General mayhem ensued.  The teacher was very worried, and needed
>some semblance of order.  We all did.  The students actively ignored my
>presence in the circle and my requests for attention.  Finally, somehow,
>I had their attention.  I suggested that the best way for them to talk
>about their issues was to start the sessions.  I also told them that
>given the level of dissension in the room, I would be willing to
>facilitate a mediation between conflicting parties if invited to do so.
>(I'm not sure what I think about this choice, but this is what I did.)
>
>All but a handful of students ended up in one session, where the
>discussion again raged at full tilt.  Students talked over each other in
>a heated frenzy of words.  The noise level escalated.  Students shouted
>to be heard. Some students stood up and talked even louder to gain
>attention.  Several students attempted to take a leading role in
>facilitating the conversation, but failed.  One student came to me to
>tell me how he was trying to help the group, as if he wanted me to
>anoint him the facilitator.  I told him I couldn't do that, and observed
>that he wasn't exactly a neutral person in the group, and that might be
>why he wasn't being allowed to facilitate.  I also told him I would be
>willing to come in and try to help the group hold their conversation,
>but only if the group invited me to do so.  He went back.  They voted on
>whether they wanted my help.  The vote was about 50% for and 50%
>against.  He decided that meant they didn't want my help.  The battle
>raged.  Two students faced off, then backed down. I was worried.  The
>teacher was VERY worried.  I seriously considered intervening without
>invitation, but kept resisting that impulse, wanting to give them every
>opportunity to make the process work.  Finally, a key student (I'll call
>her Ann) left the room.  Ann was the student who seemed to magnetize the
>most energy and drama.  If I believed in space invaders, I might have
>thought her one.  Wherever she went, fireworks erupted.  When she left,
>everything changed.  Whew.  (Harrison, our conversation of old helped me
>get through this.  In retrospect I can see that you were exactly right.
>There was enough space for her to leave, and leave she did.  That made
>what happened next possible.)
>
>After Ann left, the original group dispersed and mostly reformed in a
>different space for the next session.  They selected a respected (and
>neutral) classmate to facilitate the discussion.  This conversation was
>important because it concerned the care of another living being, the
>classroom gecko.  It turns out Ann was the gecko's current caretaker,
>and there were some concerns about feeding and cleanliness.  The group
>agreed on the identification of care issues, and they carefully thought
>through how they wanted to approach the topic with Ann.  They agreed to
>send a person she trusted to talk with her about the issues, and he
>decided to ask me to accompany him to do so.  Ann was back in the
>regular classroom.  We walked there to talk with her.  At first she
>refused to talk, then gave me a long look, and agreed.  The conversation
>took less than a minute.  He gave her information she didn't have (where
>the food for the crickets was stored, why the crickets were dying before
>they were fed to the gecko, how often the aquarium should be cleaned).
>She was relieved to have the information because it resolved many of her
>concerns for the gecko.  She clearly wanted to take good care of the
>gecko.  She thanked him for the information.  They agreed they would
>talk again if any new problems developed.
>
>The boy walked away, problem solved.  Ann muttered under her breath that
>the people she REALLY wanted to talk with were two other boys.  I
>accepted her invitation, and asked what she wanted to talk with them
>about.  She said she couldn't say, because one of her teachers had told
>her not to talk about it.  I asked her if she could tell me.  Her eyes
>welled up with tears.  She told me a friend had died a year ago, and the
>two boys had spread rumors about him. She said she didn't understand why
>they did that, and since that time she could barely stand to look at
>either of them.  I asked her if she wanted me to talk with her teacher
>to see if it would be okay if she talked with them about it.  She said
>yes.  By the time I came back to the room, they had somehow already
>gathered and begun talking.  I quietly sat down on the floor next to
>them.  She told of her long friendship with her friend, how sad she was
>when he died, and the memories it raised of other losses in her life.
>The boys were both deeply respectful.  They listened fully as she spoke.
>They asked questions.  Both told of the serious consequences they had
>received from their parents for what they had done.  One revealed the
>losses he was facing in his life, and his sadness that his father was
>again stationed in Afghanistan.  She listened and expressed sympathy for
>his situation.  One was very remorseful, and expressed a sincere and
>heartfelt apology.  The other expressed less remorse because he was a
>friend to a girl who had been seriously harmed by the boy who died.  He
>felt a deep loyalty to his friend and her suffering.  Still, he
>expressed a sincere apology for hurting Ann, something he never intended
>to do.  Ann dried her tears and said she felt better.  The boys again
>apologized.  Again, whew.  (I now understand "whew."  It is the out
>breath of release and relief.)
>
>I went back to our OST meeting room.  In between things I had been
>watching a very quiet and reserved young boy who had spent the entire
>time in his own session.  He had taken some flip chart paper and markers
>and created a poster titled "Respecting Each Other."  He wrote if
>someone was crying we should ask them what was wrong, and that we should
>be compassionate and merciful.  He didn't know how to spell
>compassionate and merciful, so he found a dictionary and made sure he
>spelled them right.  And then he defined each of those word.  Then he
>added a little more about being loving and kind.  I could have hugged
>him.
>
>We did a short talking stick closing.  People still wanted to talk after
>one pass, so we did a second round.
>
>And then we were done.  They went back to class and I slowly put the
>room back in order, filled with the wonder of it all.
>
>Julie
>
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