Help with Idea / Democratic Party - Internet - New Technology

[Alan Silverman]

Hi.  Does this version sound/scan better than the first? Is it clear?
Over comma'ed?  Does it say enough?  Any specific phrases unclear? Can
any be said better?  Too pompous or self-important?
Thanks,
Al


An Open Letter to the Democratic Party:

Friends,

To Democratic voters like myself, the past two elections have been
disastrous.  There is no need to assess blame.  Enough has already been
said. Rather I want to pose a solution based in my own experience and
technical background.  I want to create an Internet forum where
everyone's voice may be heard, where the very best ideas America has to
offer can be turned into solutions to benefit all Americans.

There is no lack of good ideas in America.  We have a wealth of
intelligent creative individuals.  But no mechanism exists to gather
innovative ideas together, refine them into concrete solutions, then
offer these solutions to our leaders for implementation.

A forum of 290 million people may sound implausible.  It isn't.  At IBM
I worked in the areas of networking and data base.  If the Google search
engine can process over three billion web pages and find the precise
ones we want, I assure you our forum can do the same.  The key is
putting together individuals who share like ideas, people knowledgeable
in specific areas working together to create viable solutions.

If such a mechanism existed, it would invigorate the Democratic Party
and the American political system as a whole.  I offer my assistance in
this task.

Thank you and warm regards,

Alan Silverman
Innovative Technical Solutions
Stone Ridge, NY



First Version:

An Open Letter to the Democratic Party:

Friends,

The past two elections have seemed nothing short of disaster for
Democratic voters like myself.  There is no need for specifics, who or
what might be to blame.  Enough has already been written about that.
Rather I want to pose a solution which should be acceptable to all
Democrats, a solution based in my own experience and technical
background.

I want to help create an Internet forum where everyone's voice may be
heard, where the very best ideas America has to offer can be brought up,
discussed, then turned into real solutions which benefit all Americans.

There is no lack of good ideas in America.  We have a wealth of
intelligent creative individuals.  But no mechanism exists to gather
innovative ideas, refine them into concrete solutions, then offer these
solutions to our leaders for implementation.

A forum of 270 million people may sound impossible.  It is not.  At IBM
I worked in technical areas involving networks and data base.  If the
Google search engine can process over three billion web pages, then find
and group precise ones we are looking for, I assure you that our forum
can do the same.  The key is putting individuals together who share
ideas, people knowledgeable enough in specific areas to say if an idea
might work, then together turn these ideas into viable solutions.

If such a mechanism did exist, it would invigorate the Democratic Party
and the American political system as a whole.  I offer my assistance in
this task.

Thank you and warm regards,

Alan Silverman
Innovative Technical Solutions
Stone Ridge, NY

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