my family (mother list)

Chris Corrigan chris at chriscorrigan.com
Sun Dec 7 20:29:29 PST 2003


Hi Marei:

You're right about meeting needs of course, as is Judi.  I think having
fun is the reason I am a consultant instead of a public servant, so
that's still a priority for me!

What I meant about meeting needs was really getting at what you are
talking about.ensuring that I am okay and that I am serving the group as
best I can.  Birgitt used to talk in her trainings about a set of
questions Angeles Arrien asks around the facilitator's needs: is my
self-critic stronger than my self-worth this morning?  It's a good
question to ask everyday and especially a good one for the day of a
facilitation.  It causes me to check my own system out and make sure
everything is in working order.  And if there are things gnawing at me,
it invites me to inquire about those things and try to take care of them
in a way that will not show up in my work with the group.  If I end up
using that group work to address my own needs, to the exclusion of the
group's needs, it doesn't usually end up well.

And so in terms of your statement that "I can meet the needs of others
best when I take good care of myself" I really agree with you.

Thanks too for your story and contribution about your first open space.
There is something about the sheer energy of the first one that bears
remembering, and I love it when people tell these stories here as it
connects me to the first few OSTs that I did, and brings me back to the
level of attention and awareness that is really useful the older and
more experienced one gets.  Something about preserving the beginner's
mind, and how valuable that is.  My friend Judi Richardson even used to
have that in her signature file, a constant reminder with every message
from her!

Chris

PS I too think our own paradise IS in open space.that's a lovely image.
Thanks

---
CHRIS CORRIGAN
Bowen Island, BC, Canada
http://www.chriscorrigan.com
chris at chriscorrigan.com
(604) 947-9236

-----Original Message-----
From: OSLIST [mailto:OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU] On Behalf Of Marei
Kiele
Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 3:55 PM
To: OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
Subject: Re: my family (mother list)

Sorry for adding such a long text (thinking of all who only have little
time for reading these mails).

But - after following this beautiful exchange with rising interest and
involvement, tonight I read many mails I collected during the last days
- and my wish to answer and contribute grew more and more  - feeling so
limited by not being native english-speaking.
I really don't know which one to refer to first.
So I close my eyes and let my finger choose...

Chris Corrigan wrote:
There are about 350-400 people on this list Judi.  WAAAY more lurkers
than writers, or more butterflies than conveners.

Dear Chris, this sentence opened up a new way of looking at butterflies
to me.
Most times I just read and do not write on the list, but I don't feel as
if I am "only" lurking. Whenever I add to the list I feel it makes a
difference to know there are hundreds of people reading and listening to
what I am saying. Even if they don't answer or engage. Knowing somebody
is there, somebody is taking part, somebody is witnessing what I do and
think makes a difference. In this way we are all facilitating each
other, aren't we?


Chris Corrigan wrote:
I've been pondering Judi and Lisa's statements about loving the
event-based OST even though we know it could be better, and I have to
admit that even though I tried to come across as getting tired of them,
I like them a lot too. I was trying to figure out WHY I like them though
and wondered if it wasn't just me.a fatal trap for a facilitator, to
meet his own needs through a pet process, and so this had me a little
worried.

Dear Chris and all, I use this opportunity for adding that esp. on this
list we (including myself!) all may try to become saints - not doing
things to meet our own needs - but in fact I believe meeting our needs
is the real reason for all we do. And during the last weeks I came to
see it as a very honourable reason. Meeting my needs does not
automatically implicate that the needs of others are not met. The
opposite is true - I can meet the needs of others best when I take good
care of myself.


Tova wrote:
>My sensing is that there are changes in the last few months. I do not
know 'the real old days' but I am around for 4 years now.
>My understanding is that our community is multi focused now and this is
felt, at least by some (me included), as an 'energy
>leakage', A difficulty to focus enough energy to go through to new.

This sentence gave me a new insight into something a man said in the
closing-circle this week. But before I tell you more about him I want to
share something with you: I am proud and delighted and full of happiness
because on last monday and tuesday I facilitated my first open space.
Some of you who met me in Swenmark may recall that I gave up my work as
a product manager nearly two years ago. I went through many struggles,
up and downs, found open space or have been found and fell in love
immediately but didn't dare to get in contact at the first sight. After
half a year of more learning and searching I entered the space at the
Berliner OSonOS in june, came to Bramstrup where I deeply felt I had
reached home and found my family, asked Michael M Pannwitz to let me
learn (recall?!) open space being with him for three months and finally
I dived into the river and... swam :-) Of course I did, because as I
know now: I am a dolphin - and I found the liquid I need.

The os took place in a business-context with participants who afterwards
seem to be hard work for the start: 38 people, only men (exept three
young women who where very cautious), average age 60, professional
background: scientists, ingenieurs, finance specialists. But of course -
it worked! They had fun, they networked and communicated like never
before, they were happy. With at least one exeption.

Coming back to what Tova wrote (...multi focused... is felt, at least by
some... as an 'energy leakage'):

This man, being 60+-years old, said he found out that open space isn't
for him and that he is hoping he will never have to participate in one
anymore. First I thought he was not open enough (like "how limited").
Writing and thinking about it I become less demanding. I realize how
judging I have been. Now I understand it may just have been to much for
him... or to fast. And I wonder if there is any chance to make it easier
for people to SLOWLY get in touch? I guess he may have been overtaxed -
coming to the food-metaphor: as I sometimes feel overtaxed going to the
market with all the fresh vegetable and fruits and decisions to make -
there are times when I prefer a small supermarket with only a small
assortement.

Florian, while reading your contribution I feel how I slow down. And I
feel this healing energy you give to me. Is this the answer to my above
posted question? Making it possible for others to join by slowing down?
But what about those who are fast?

And one more question to mix you all up the way I am NOW (exactly
midnight in Germany): Maybe it is still judging to think it was too
much. Because hidden in this thought is the idea that everyone could
find his or her paradise in open space. Which implicates not to accept
the choice of all who find their paradise somewhere else.

Does all this make sense to you?

Marei


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