"How can I practice peace?"/despair/transfer-in

[Judi Richardson]

I am just returning to email.  Thank you for your eloquent thoughts.  In
the past 14 days I've had the unbelievable privilege to open space 6
times, use
other forms of facilitation 3 times, and offer a practice workshop in
working with open space technology.

I've been processing all the way through, and am grounding in family as
things still "cook".  I am very appreciative of the genuine contact
whole person process facilitation techniques, and Birgitt's application
of them.  I am also appreciative of building a relationship with the
techniques so
that they become more of an art.  I believe many of us have used
transfer-in processes naturally for some time -- telling a joke to get
everyone to
laugh, having music play softly in the background and then turn it up
for everyone to "tune in" to.  I once had a room all set up, went to the
bathroom, and upon my return I stumbled across the door jam into the
room -- successfully gaining everyone's attention <grin>!

I have watched and read the dialogue on cultural norms with interest.  I
am finding more and more acceptance of getting in touch with ourselves
and each
other.  And at the same time, I am also finding my practice in sitting
with people in despair expanding.  It may have something to do with
Sept. 11th in
this part of the world.  We have been so privileged.  Yet even in North
America Sept. 11th affected many groups differently.  People I work with
in "inner city" communities did not feel the effects of Sept. 11th as
many did.
These people already touched deeply the vulnerability of every day life
--
never knowing if loved ones would return home or not.

We constantly look for "comfort" in our lives.  I watched a telecast of
President Bush as he tried to completely deny that Americans are
vulnerable.
Yet it is my belief that our acknowledgement of our vulnerability will
save
our planet.  We are willing to see children go hungry in our streets, to
see
whole countries die of Aids and starvation.  And I ask myself how I
participate in that. My practice of sitting with others in despair, is
to
hold the space for them to give voice to that deep emotion.  My daily
practice is to ask myself the question, "where can I disappear in the
process"?  I explore deeply the distinction between fixing, helping, and
serving.  In moving through some pain myself I could not find anyone who
would just sit with me.  No judging or fixing or trying to take away the
pain, just go there with me -- as horrible as it might be.  And the more
I
attempted to accommodate others by going to their place of trying to fix
my
pain (so they could feel comfortable) rather than taking them to mine,
not
wanting them to suffer -- the more I perpetuated the emotional scars of
silence.  I needed to know that someone could sit with me and experience
my
life -- not judge it, not change it.  This practice can take us to
absolutely horrible places -- I sit with a woman and her son who have
arrived in Eastern Canada from Bosnia who has held her silence for
years, a young woman who just returned from Israel and needs to speak of
what she
saw, a young man from a local community who watched a woman set another
woman on fire as her daughter watched.....  We can bear witness -- just
listen without trying to come up with a solution.  When we tell our
stories,
we begin to heal before the conversation is even over.  We don't help
anyone by trying to protect them by not sharing our own stories.

For me this is part of the power of OST.  It is why I "practice" holding
space, why I check in with myself during an OST event to see if I'm
fulfilling my needs or the needs of the group.  It is why I disappear
and
stay open to sense when to reappear in the process.  Why I develop a
relationship to each component of the process.  Last week I opened space
for
three people -- something I would not have thought could be successful,
and
I grinned as I remembered Chris C. opening space for no one and every
one!! It is why I hold space for others to tell their stories to each
other.  I believe that in authentic conversation change occurs before
the end of the
conversation.

Especially in conversations with ourselves!  Right now I am in a
conversation with myself to find the work that calls me to my courage.
OST has been a part of that.  I am very grateful for this community.

with love and in peace,
Judi

Speak the truth in a million voices.  It is silence that kills.
Catherine of Siena (14th century)

Judith Richardson
www.ponoconsultants.com

*
*
==========================================================
OSLIST at LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU
------------------------------
To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options,
view the archives of oslist at listserv.boisestate.edu,
Visit:

http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html