<div dir="ltr"><div><div>Here a great article about<font> The Psychology of Trust in Work and Love<br></font><a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/02/03/david-desteno-truth-about-trust/" target="_blank">http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/02/03/david-desteno-truth-about-trust/</a><br>
</div>that says that the issue of trust is central in life ("issues of trust permeate our days from the time we’re born to the time
we die, and it’s often what’s below the surface of consciousness that
can have the greatest influence on a life well lived") because of our vulnerability<br></div><div>It also says that trust lies primarily within ourselves.. How to trust ourselves when our desires are so complex and contradictory ? And if I cannot trust myself, how can I trust others ?<br>
<br></div><div>I think that the law of 2 feet makes it easier to take the risk of trust and vulnerability, it helps us test those contradictory desires within us. It can also be challenging as it make them happen clearly in your own eyes.<br>
</div><div><br></div><div>christine</div><div><br></div></div><div class="gmail_extra"><br><br><div class="gmail_quote">On Thu, Feb 13, 2014 at 6:59 AM, Chris Kloth <span dir="ltr"><<a href="mailto:chris.kloth@got2change.com" target="_blank">chris.kloth@got2change.com</a>></span> wrote:<br>
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<p class="MsoNormal">Trust & Trustworthy - A bit long<u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Following up on Eric’s question about my
distinction between
trust and trustworthiness I first want to thank him for
triggering this
reflection for me. <span> </span>I
also want to note
the way in which he wanted to make sure I did not misunderstand
his intention
as some sort of judgment… an act of trustworthiness. He
recognized the
potential vulnerability I might experience in order for us to
learn together. <u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I got to the heart of the artichoke I
mentioned earlier
I discovered that the key to the distinction for me is that I
prefer to think of
trust as a verb, much more than as a noun.<u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For me trust as a noun feels like a thing, a
commodity to
get, have or lose. I have your trust or I need to get it and try
not to lose it.
Leaders, managers, organizations try to get it and hold onto it.
We feel
betrayed when someone abuses our trust. We don’t like it when
someone takes
advantage of our trust but we try to leverage the trust of
others. <u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For me the verb shifts the focus to
relationship and effort,
to passion and responsibility. For me learning to trust and be
trusted is at
the core of building sustainable individual, group and community
relationships.
Trusting is an act of intimacy. Trusting is a process that
people need to
nurture so it can grow and thrive. It takes work, risk,
vulnerability and
commitment.<u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I remember being a member of an executive
team in a state
agency many years ago. I had decided I was finally going to
raise an issue with
the team that was going to meet strong resistance
(vulnerability). Part of
deciding to raise it was checking with a frequent ally to make
sure I wasn’t
totally alone in taking a stand (interdependence). However, my
ally arrived a
few minutes late for the meeting and when I raised the issue he
was silent
(vulnerability). Later I asked him why he didn’t speak up. He
said the reason
he was late was that he had been read the riot act by agency
counsel about a
stand he had taken in an unrelated context. He was shell
shocked. My choice was
to understand the tough spot he was in and that we would need
each other’s
support in the future (interdependence). <u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In that relationship it was my responsibility
to understand
what happened rather than rush to judgment. I had to understand
that we all
have multiple relationships, roles and responsibilities.
Sometimes my role in one
relationship does not align with my role in another. I have to
accept
responsibility for making the choices I make and understand
that, having built
a trusting relationship, recognize that others may also have to
make tough
choices.<u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the context of the work we do when opening
and holding space
(or hosting or facilitation or convening or being agile or using
any other credible
tool for creating sustainable shared responsibility for bringing
about what we
desire) we typically do not know well or at all the people who
have gathered. We
often are inviting them to trust a process that they are
unfamiliar and/or
uncomfortable with. They may not be comfortable with each other.
<u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Much of my work that I have done over the
years has involved
addressing deep conflict rooted in cultural, racial and/or class
bias. Often actively
maintaining mistrust of “them” was seen as a survival skill.
That does not mean
they could not work together effectively in open space. At some
point some
people decided that they needed each other and were willing to
risk
vulnerability to get unstuck and move to a healthier place. <u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For years on this list we have shared with
one another all
the ways in which we are more or less effective in opening and
holding the
space. How we do it is a methodology question. I submit that
what we are doing
is creating a crucible within which people can bring their
senses of passion
and responsibility to bear on something they care about with
people they may or
may not be in relationship with yet, but who they need. In the
process they will
explicitly or implicitly plumb their shared senses of
vulnerability and interdependence.
<u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If we re-read old posts we will find many
attributes that
describe our behavior, demeanor and spirit when we are at our
best. Each of us
has said, “The key to doing this work is…” For me all these
skills and
attributes fall under the umbrella of being authentically
trustworthy. They are
helpful in building trust, but they do not equal trust.<u></u><u></u></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Finally, unless I am going to maintain an
ongoing
relationship with their work, there is not time (or need) for
them to achieve
some state of being with me called trust. They only need to
experience a sense
of safety or trustworthiness sufficient to hold the container
for their work.
To expect more suggests that I am trying to get some need of my
own met. Yes, I
love to feel the senses of satisfaction, excitement and
anticipation as they
invest in their work and any compliments or appreciation they
express for my
role. I just don’t call that trust.<u></u><u></u></p><div class="">
<p class="MsoNormal"><u></u> <u></u></p>
<pre cols="72">Please note that my new e-mail address is <a href="mailto:chris.kloth@got2change.com" target="_blank">chris.kloth@got2change.com</a>. You may also contact me by using the Contact Page at <a href="http://www.got2change.com" target="_blank">www.got2change.com</a>.
Shalom,
Chris Kloth
ChangeWorks of the Heartland
<a href="mailto:chris.kloth@got2change.com" target="_blank">chris.kloth@got2change.com</a>
<a href="http://www.got2change.com" target="_blank">www.got2change.com</a>
phone - 614.239.1336
fax - 614.237.2347
Think Globally, Act Locally
Please think about the environment before printing this e-mail.
</pre></div><div class="">
On 2/10/2014 12:40 PM, Eric Hansen wrote:<br>
</div></div>
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<pre>Hi, Chris:
I know I am a stranger on this list. My wife, Elaine Hansen, I think is more
active, and is friends with Suzanne Daigle, who also responded to your post.
I did not respond on top of Suzanne's response so as not to "muddy the
waters." None of which matters except to provide some context for who I am.
You're email caught my eye for several reasons. The comment that struck me
most is this one:
"They had determined that I was trustworthy, which I would suggest is short
of trust. They were willing to risk vulnerability, in part, because I had
demonstrated fairness, transparency, truthfulness and presence... enough to
take a risk on the process."
I am wondering: Could you tell me (us) more about why, for you,
trustworthiness falls short of trust.
I am not asking you to justify the distinction, only to explain it more. At
this point, I do not understand.
If you do decide to provide an answer, I would then invite you to answer one
more question:
Why is that distinction important to you? Again, I am not asking you to
justify that distinction. I am, instead, inviting you to reflect on why the
distinction has meaning for you and then to share that meaning with the
list.
Eric Hansen
</pre>
</blockquote>
<br>
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Executive Coach, Médiateur</font></span><font size="1"><br><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva"> <a href="http://www.christine-koehler.fr/" target="_blank">www.christine-koehler.fr</a></span><br><span style="font-family:verdana,geneva"> Tel : 06 13 28 71 38</span><br>
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