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<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>[oops! I sent the previous message without finishing writing it; a</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Spirit trick?]</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Hi dear fellow openspacers!</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I want to continue expressing my profound gratitude. I am really</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>enjoying this conversation. I would like to backtrack for a moment and</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>talk about what brought me to this conversation.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Being in the season of the teacher right now on the medicine wheel</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>means one of the things I am working with right now is discernment.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>When I first put out this question, I am not sure I contextualized it</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>as much as I could have.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I want to speak to one of my projections (on to the listserv) right now. I am worried that</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>people might be thinking that I am opening space in a really weird</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>way. I have never used strong language (besides "oh shit") in the opening, but I do now know</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>that I have a much stronger initial awareness of my aggression than</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>ever before. And now, I can give a group much more quality in opening</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>space. Thanks to you!</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I ask these questions because I am extremely motivated to do this OST</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>work with excellence. It would be great if I were motivated to commune</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>with One just because there is a One, but it is OST (and the Genuine</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Contact Program) that has motivated me to really look at myself with a</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>German/Swiss/Japanese/Russian precision magnifying glass. And so when</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I ask these questions I instantly make the connection with the life</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>work which has the deepest meaning for me. </SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Doing anything, I imagine, can be a path to communing with the sacred (I am a little shy about really exploring "doing anything" right now as I wonder can prostitution, for example, also be a path to communing with the sacred). </SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Sometimes Quakers call themselves a "priesthood of all believers." I think </SPAN><SPAN class=RVTS9>if</SPAN><SPAN class=RVTS7> we choose to live intentionally as a </SPAN><SPAN class=RVTS11>Community</SPAN><SPAN class=RVTS7> of OST facilitators, we can be the same-- and take this even further to be a monastic order. I see that this listserv has bits and pieces of this. The issue of Community I would like to come back to at a later point.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Michael, your teaching about anger was extremely valuable. I think I</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>am starting to suffer from wisdom overload-- what depth I am hearing</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>here as a consequence, and it will take a while to digest this all! As</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I shared offlist, I have heard such valuable responses that I want to</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>print them out and carry them with me. (Might this be a variation of</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>the event Ralph Copleman mentioned-- "Poetry in your pocket day"?).</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Just knowing that the energy of that wisdom is in my pocket would be</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>wonderful!</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Lisa, you asked what made me sad (and again thank you for making space</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>for me to human). I can only begin to talk about this,</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>because I think it goes much deeper. I am/was sad because there is a</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>realization that at a very deep (but not core, I hope) level, I am</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>doing this work for ME. My prime motivator for doing this work is that</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>it has meaning and it brings ME joy. There is a part of me that</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>doesn't care about people, doesn't care when misfortune falls upon</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>others. And I want to befriend that part of me, to unsurface her (yes,</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>for whatever reason "she" came up). Your thoughts about being fully</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>human and being present were very helpful to see/hear.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>This Saturday I have a workshop coming up (using not OST but Whole</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Peson Process Faciltiation in this case). And I all along have been</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>visualizing the workshop, noticing where there is nervousness (this</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>will be a professional conference of trainers, facilitators, coaches</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>-- and while they know me, this will be the first time I will be</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>presenting on my own; I keep on wondering what to do to take ME out of</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>the room for the workshop. Yes, it is great to enjoy what I am doing.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>But, to paraphrase what a zen master might say, the next challenge is</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>to let the @#$%## thought go...</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>When I started this thread, I remembered about a book that is just the</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>bible, I imagine, for dealing with the very issue. And I took it off</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>my shelf. It's called </SPAN><SPAN class=RVTS8>Sitting in the Fire: Large group transformation</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS8>using conflict and diversity</SPAN><SPAN class=RVTS7>, by Arnold Mindell (founder of</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>process-oriented psychology). It is full of exercises on surfacing and</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>befriending all of our facilitator demons. Time to use this book?</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I opened it randomly today to p.200:</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>"Watch your own high dreams as a facilitator. Do they call for people</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>to change? As I pointed out in the last chapter, an elder assumes that</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>people are exactly what they are meant to be. Perhaps they are full of</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>mundance characteristics like greed, envy, vengefulness and</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>abusiveness. Can you accept them? Better yet, can you change yourself</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>to love them?</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Try seeing your own enemies, friends, and neighbors as they are in the</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>moment, not as you would like them to be. Although they are your</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>friends today, remember that next week they may be your attackers.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Remember that, historically, very few people have managed to uproot</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>from themselves the tyrant, the monarch, the oppressor, the abuser or</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>the one seeking revenge. It's we learn to expect negativity and to</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>move with it.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Luckily blasting a high dream to bits does not always result in</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>permanent depression. When we look back, it may seem as if our high</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>dreams had to be exploded in order to prepare the ground for an even</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>more comprehensive view of the world."</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>One of my dreams is to somehow marry processwork and OST. One day that</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>may very well happen.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Mindell is coming to St. Petersburg in May. I am holding space for</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>myself to be able to attend this workshop.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7> ******</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Another result of working with the medicine wheel is that for the</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>first time I have begun thinking seriously about my ancestors. What</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>gifts have my ancestors given me?</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I think one of the biggest gifts my parents have given me is a radical</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>honesty.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>And, my father in a phone call today reminded me of an important</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>anniversary coming up: April 24th is the 90th anniversary of the</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Armenian Genocide. I am 1/2 Armenian and 1/2 Italian by blood. I don't</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>speak much Armenian and almost no Italian.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I have never taken this date terribly seriously. But this initial</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>curiosity about my ancestors and aggression makes me want to write a</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>little publicly about this.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>The Armenian Genocide is a still unacknowledged atrocity. 1.5 million</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Armenians died over 20 years at the hands of the Ottoman Empire</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>--1896-1915. I would like to ask those who feel moved to to hold inner</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>(and outer) space</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>on this date. I am not sure what kind of intention would be best to</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>put here-- maybe just to ask for awareness in all humans (ask for</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>awareness for self).</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>I notice the resentment I sometimes feel at some Jews because they see</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>talk about anything but the Holocaust as a treading on toes. There was</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>the Holocaust, period; there were no other genocides.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>And yet, I know that somewhere in that resentment is a denying of my</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>own humanity and the person I am engaging with at the moment.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>And I learned recently that I do have a connection to the Holocaust,</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>too. My great aunt (my Armenian grandmother's sister) was married to a</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Jew (a banker representing the Rothschild family) from Tbilisi,</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Georgia. My greatgrandmother refused to let her daughter, Margo, to</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>marry a Jew. She demanded that he get baptized in the Armenian Church</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>before getting married, which he did.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>From what we learned a few weeks back, Ilya Bunimovich died in the</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Holocaust...What happened to Margo is not clear.</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7>Raffi</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7> mailto:raffi@bk.ru</SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN class=RVTS7><BR></SPAN></P>
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