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<DIV><SPAN class=870275519-22092003><FONT face="Arial Black"
color=#000080>Thanks for your posting, Julie. For me, love is a state of being
and not an emotion. And so, for me, detachment from emotional attachment to
outcome, to create the most space possible is 'detachment with love'.
</FONT></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV class=Section1>
<P><SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><FONT color=#000080>Blessings
to you and to all with whom you make Genuine
Contact,<o:p></o:p></FONT></SPAN></P>
<P><SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><FONT
color=#000080>Birgitt<o:p></o:p></FONT></SPAN></P>
<P><FONT color=#000080><SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">Birgitt
Williams of Dalar International Consultancy </SPAN><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><A
href="http://www.dalarinternational.com/"><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black">www.dalarinternational.com</SPAN></A></SPAN><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P><SPAN style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><FONT color=#000080>We provide
inspirational and practical “how to” guidance for leaders who want to achieve
healthy and balanced organizations to produce exciting, tangible results for the
organization and for its people.<o:p></o:p></FONT></SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT color=#000080><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">View the
calendar for upcoming training in the Organizational Health and Balance series
of workshops featuring the Genuine Contact</SPAN><FONT face=Arial><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol"><SPAN
style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol">Ô</SPAN></SPAN><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"> program at
<A href="http://www.openspacetechnology.com/training.html"><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">http://www.openspacetechnology.com/training.html</SPAN></A></SPAN><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoAutoSig><FONT color=#000080><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">We invite you to join the Genuine
Contact list serve at </SPAN><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"><A
href="http://www.smartgroups.com/groups/genuinecontact"><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">http://www.smartgroups.com/groups/genuinecontact</SPAN></A><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoAutoSig><FONT color=#000080><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">Contact
information for Dalar International Consultancy: Po Box 19373, Raleigh, North
Carolina, USA 27619 Raleigh, North Carolina USA </SPAN><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN></SPAN><SPAN
style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">Phone:
919-522-7750<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Fax:
919-870-6599<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>
<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoAutoSig style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: purple; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">Founders
of the Wellness Revolution for Organizations<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoAutoSig style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: purple; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">Founders
of the International Alliance for Mentoring<o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=MsoAutoSig style="TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: purple; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">Creators of
the </SPAN><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: purple; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">Organizational Health
and Balance series of workshops featuring the Genuine Contact</SPAN><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: purple; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol"><SPAN
style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol">Ô</SPAN></SPAN><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: purple; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">
program</SPAN></P></DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE dir=ltr style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
<DIV class=OutlookMessageHeader dir=ltr align=left><FONT face=Tahoma
size=2>-----Original Message-----<BR><B>From:</B> OSLIST
[mailto:OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU]<B>On Behalf Of </B>Julie
Smith<BR><B>Sent:</B> Monday, September 22, 2003 2:16 PM<BR><B>To:</B>
OSLIST@LISTSERV.BOISESTATE.EDU<BR><B>Subject:</B> Attachment and
Detachment<BR><BR></FONT></DIV>
<DIV class=Section1>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">Birgitt, you
wrote<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face="Arial Black"
color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial Black'">Our Harmony
Project was specifically a calling to those who work with 'opening space and
holding space' to use their special gifts to assist in holding space
for opportunities for Harmony. And the challenge for those hundreds of us
who are now co-facilitating the holding of this space is to do so by holding
steady with emotional detachment no matter what is happening in the world and
to have NO attachment to outcome, just the same as we teach with working with
Open Space Technology. And that is hard, as all those of you who facilitate
OST meetings that you are inclined to feel emotional about well
know.</SPAN></FONT><o:p></o:p></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">Your thoughts about “emotional detachment
no matter what” made me think of my recent experience with youth during an OST
event (where I was clearly not emotionally detached), and also John’s recent
post, where he said<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="mso-layout-grid-align: none"><SPAN
class=SpellE><SPAN class=GramE><FONT face="Courier New" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'">i</SPAN></FONT></SPAN></SPAN><FONT
face="Courier New" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"> appreciate what you are
saying. <SPAN class=SpellE><SPAN class=GramE>i</SPAN></SPAN> believe your
words have great value. <SPAN class=GramE>but</SPAN>, there are many <SPAN
class=SpellE>many</SPAN> things that <SPAN class=SpellE>i</SPAN> confront
regularly that <SPAN class=SpellE>i</SPAN> cannot appreciate, nor do <SPAN
class=SpellE>i</SPAN> feel it appropriate to appreciate: torture and other
violations of human rights.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="mso-layout-grid-align: none"><FONT
face="Courier New" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="mso-layout-grid-align: none"><SPAN class=GramE><FONT
face="Courier New" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'">fortunately</SPAN></FONT></SPAN><FONT
face="Courier New" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'">, many of us enjoy a life
where such terror is nothing more than a distant grief. <SPAN
class=GramE>for</SPAN> all too many people, it is not distant at
all.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="mso-layout-grid-align: none"><FONT
face="Courier New" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><SPAN class=GramE><FONT face="Courier New" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'">let</SPAN></FONT></SPAN><FONT
face="Courier New" size=2><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Courier New'"> us stay grounded in the
reality of the whole and not of a certain portion.</SPAN></FONT><FONT
color=navy><SPAN style="COLOR: navy"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">I see the truth and wisdom of detachment,
and have practiced “no attachment to outcome” for many years.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I also recognize our need to give and
receive care and love, which I think is a form of attachment.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>We are in relationship with each
other.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>We care what happens to
each other.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>That is not
detachment.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>So I find myself
trying to find some resolution that honors the truth being expressed in both
points of view.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">I think the “no attachment to outcome”
applies to the choices people make, but not to the people themselves.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>It applies to the behavior, not the
person.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>That means I can begin to practice
acceptance and non-judgment.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>This
is easier when I see behavior not as a reflection of the “goodness” or
“badness” of a person, but simply as a reflection of their current
understanding of the world, and therefore a reflection of their current
learning needs. <SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">I can see that our behaviors have
consequences, and that we are all constantly learning from every choice we
make.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>That learning is a very
good thing, and is perhaps the very reason for our being here.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I have no desire to get in the way of
our learning. <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I believe we have
as many lifetimes as we need to learn what we came here to learn, so I am
willing to accept even the worst atrocities as an accurate reflection of the
learning needs of those who are involved.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I can also see that my current
learning need is to learn to transcend fear-based and non-loving
responses.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>When I look through
this lens, I can see that the harmful behavior of others provides me with
opportunities to practice loving response in all situations.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>This is a lesson I have not yet
mastered.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>So perhaps I feel some
appreciation for the lessons that are available to all of us in every kind of
situation.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">At the same time, I cannot ignore my
heart-felt desire for the good of all.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>I care.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I wouldn’t have it
any other way.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>If there is some
giving or receiving that I can <SPAN class=GramE>do that</SPAN> will help
alleviate harm, or help myself and others progress a little more quickly in
our understanding of the world, then I want to make that contribution.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I am not detached from helping.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>If I can, I want to help.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Sometimes I help with my silence, and
sometimes with my words.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><SPAN
class=GramE>Sometimes with my invisibility, and sometimes with my
visibility.</SPAN><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>If I can’t
help, I want to do no harm to anyone, including those who are inflicting harm
on others.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">I find myself feeling very attached to
our individual and collective learning and growth.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I’m not concerned about the outcome
because I think that is a certainty, but I think it matters that I actively
engage in the learning process while I’m here.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I don’t think we’re supposed to detach
from that.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I think we’re supposed
to detach from worldly desires, but not from inner growth and
understanding.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">For me, the important thing is the
quality of acceptance and non-judgment.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>To see our behavior as indicators of what we need to learn, not as a
reflection of our goodness or badness.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Always, always love the person.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">
</SPAN>Detach from judgment of outward behavior.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Don’t detach from the learning and
inner growth which leads to wisdom and truth.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">Back to yin and yang, I guess.<SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><SPAN class=GramE>Attachment and
detachment.</SPAN><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>Speaking
and silence.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><SPAN
class=GramE>Visibility and invisibility.</SPAN><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><SPAN
style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><SPAN class=GramE>Finding wholeness in
the whole.</SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">This doesn’t feel complete, but I can’t
quite capture whatever it is that is missing, and the day calls
~<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy">Julie<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=navy size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: navy"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
<P class=MsoNormal style="mso-layout-grid-align: none"><FONT
face="Times New Roman" size=3><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>* *
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