<HTML><FONT FACE=arial,helvetica><FONT COLOR="#000080" SIZE=4>In a message dated 23/12/2001 13:39:35 Eastern Standard Time, peggy@opencirclecompany.com writes:<BR>
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<BLOCKQUOTE TYPE=CITE style="BORDER-LEFT: #0000ff 2px solid; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px">I believe the great creator of real, deep, lasting solidarity comes EXACTLY<BR>
from expressing viewpoints that disagree. If you and others, with different<BR>
points of view weren't part of this mix, the sort of solidarity that comes<BR>
from doing things differently will be impossible to achieve. Indeed, I'd<BR>
love to hear viewpoints even more different than anything expressed to date<BR>
on this list. So how do we do that and avoid polarization? I believe that<BR>
answer is where hope rests. And the good news is I think we know a great<BR>
deal about this. What can make it different is the assumptions that unlie<BR>
how we interact. The unspoken purpose in the vast majority of "normal"<BR>
communication is is to reach an answer, a single answer. This leads to<BR>
advocating positions in the need to get to ONE answer. This fight to be<BR>
right, to win the argument is what creates polarization; NOT that we see<BR>
things differently. The power of dialogue is that it isn't driving to find<BR>
an answer; it's purpose is to understand. This leads to an emphasis on<BR>
listening to each other. And what seems to happen is the most amazing<BR>
thing. We may never agree on the vast majority of things but we will come<BR>
to respect each other as human beings and quite likely discover some things<BR>
that we mutually care about. And that leads to building the sort of<BR>
solidarity that does lead to answers and collective action.</BLOCKQUOTE><BR>
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I agree with you, Peggy. Indeed, in the conflict resolution process that I facilitate, there is a wisdom in the 'different' point of view and we learn to draw out and highlight the differences to learn more from each other. We also understand that someone who seems 'difficult' is carrying a role for the group. On behalf of the group, even. And when that person gets scapegoated, it is often because the group is unwilling to recognize within itself and individually within each of the other members, that which they are most uncomfortable within themselves. <BR>
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One of the things we do is to draw out the difference and then ask the members of the group to each say which part of what the different point of view is that they can relate to in some way. <BR>
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So, for example, Bin Laden seems to be carrying the role of religion taken to extreme hatred. What part of his role are we most uncomfortable in ourselves? He has taken the role of hurting people who do not share his faith, or even his version of his faith. I ask the question, is there a part of our own religion (whichever that is) that has taught us to hate and to exclude? Bin Laden has embraced a role of violence. The world has embraced violence in return in sending troops and bombs to Afganistan. Without debating the right or wrong of that, what part of our willingness to engage in violence do we most hate in Bin Laden?<BR>
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Tough questions for which I have few answers. But as Rainer Maria Rilke said:<BR>
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"[Have] patience with everything unresolved in your heart and... try to love the questions themselves... Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps... you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answers."<BR>
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Regards<BR>
Esther<BR>
<BR>
Esther Ewing<BR>
Authorized Distributor, Panoramic Feedback<BR>
www.panoramicfeedback.com<BR>
The Change Alliance<BR>
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